walkies?

'Shahbaz gone' rumours on BB fora ...

edit: false alarm, he's still there

one man's meat ...

Bad Loaded man launches some hideous BB babes totty dvd thing (wot no Michelle?) and says

"Loaded has fulfilled every young man's wishes and compiled the ultimate 'Big Brother' dream team -- mercifully free from tiresome urban poets and transvestites."

Urban poets and transvestites are my BB dream team

Sezer sleazy pig man

Sezer has sleazered before on BB according to the mirror he was a trial HM 2 years ago with future HM Becki (pretended to be from Italian BB) oh and he has a 'dark family secret' his Dad is in prison (probably in next cell to Shayne Wards Dad in some showbiz wing).

I want to vote

I hate big brother when can I vote someone out (Not Nikki)? PLEASE let me vote someone (not Nikki) out. I need to split up one of the nauseating 'couples'

I love Nikki. I know I hated her the other day but all the others are so awful at least she's funny.

Will they all be up for eviction? (except da bruvvahood)

bruvvers - Sezer, Shahbaz, Richard, Lea, Grace, Pete and Lisa
non bruvvers - George, Dawn, Imogen, Glyn, Bonnie, Mikey and Nikki

Nikki and Dawn are the only keepers from that group I think. So it will probably be one of them evicted. ARGH!

I think they have more of the brotherhood to pick so it may just end up with 2 non bruvvers and they're up for the chop.

a WOMAN!!

Sun says Shahbaz is on suicide watch. No over dramatising things there then. They also report that he "once dressed as a WOMAN to promote a transvestite club night". A WOMAN? quell horreur, I'm shocked that men dress as WOMEN to advertise tranny clubs.

Highlight show scary scary scary

they missed out the 'show us your cock' from Nikki and Richard and Shahbaz obliging and also missing was his (Shahbaz) rent boy story. But included the vomit making 'ooh look at us all being daring in the pool' and Pete comfirming the well endowed press (Lisa looked very impressed).

I feel unclean. Again.

Boo him!

Sezer to Imogen (in bed) - 'I signed up for fit dirty birds not prick teasers from Wales'

'jokingly' but he still needs someone to kick him where it hurts.

I really don't know

what I did before you tube came into my life... the kitkat ad with the ex housemates and Shahbaz in his intro showing just how normal and cool knitters are.

Offish site clip of the day (Shahbaz hiding the food) - I give it a mad rating of 8.

badman Shahbaz

What he said last night that made Lisa very very cross:

"Fscking hit me Lisa so they can throw you out," Shahbaz urged. "Bye! Send me a postcard. Sucky sucky, ten dollars. Fscking incoherent idiots,"

other news: Nikki is a 'bedroom babe' this week's Nuts, looking like someone put her head on backwards.

hurrah for local papers

quite possibly my favourite thing in BB is the local paper's coverage (they'll have to go some to beat Hull's Backing Dan a couple of years ago)

North Wales Daily Post: Our mate Glyn's not the Big Bore "On Saturday nights we usually go out in Llanrwst and this year there have been quite a few parties with a lot of us turning 18"

South Wales Evening Post: IMOGEN'S FEAR OVER KISS AND TELL STORIES then goes on to reproduce said stories

Leicester Mercury: SKEGNESS RUSE GETS BONNIE ON TELEVISION Bono's mam says Mrs Holt said: "Bonnie ... went to the auditions in Birmingham and she pushed to the front of the queue. She'd had a couple of cans beforehand to steady her nerves and she said some shocking things. ... She told the Meadows Care Home, where she worked, that she was going away to Skegness. Big Brother then had to ring them up and explain that Bonnie was very sorry." ... Bonnie's turn in the limelight has also made the family the centre of attention for less desirable reasons. Last month, Bonnie's half-brother Clyde Mactavish, 28, was jailed for more than three years by Leicester Crown Court after being arrested in Loughborough with a stash of heroin hidden in his underpants. I have high hopes of the Leicester Mercury.

Manchester Evening News: Lisa's big bother on Blind Date BIG Brother contestant Lisa Huo is no stranger to the small screen - she once went on a Blind Date trip to South Africa with a rugby player. ... Tony, 28, who is now a rugby coach, told viewers: "I so wanted to get away from her that during our meal I went to the toilet six times for a breather." The best bit is where people who know her add their comments - Clint says " I used to work with Lisa and she was a right larf, in fact I quite fancied her "

ooh-er

gosh it all got a little bit overraught in the house last night. I missed most of it but as we know Shahbaz got his todger out, then he had massive rows with Lea and Lisa (I did see Lea in the kitchen in a 'hold me back, hold me back' stance with Richard), told everyone he'd come into the house to die, Richard decreed everyone should send Shahbaz to Coventry but that lasted about 30 seconds before he started talking to S again. After all the others had gone to bed, S took all the food and hid it. He's starting to scare me.

In other news: Nikki's friend says we shouldn't point and laff about the bottled water incident because she's an anorexic and thinks tap water makes you fat, and making her drink it could make her suicidal. Lea has also tried to top herself in the past, according to 'friends'.

OMG it's all becoming clear now. Shahbaz has been sent in to start a new Heaven's Gate stylee suicide cult. They'll all swallow koolaid tap water & haliborange on hearing the sacred signal - a disembodied voice saying "This is Davina"

Boxes thing on E4

Sezer has (first) eviction immunity. I am sad.

Oh and the offish clip of the day is Sezer in a wig. Rubbish.

eeww, do you mind?

Shahbaz has been waving his todger about. Now he's upset that everyone says it's a little one and he's threatening to show us it when it's grown. Ick. Time for me to go to bed. Also there was some task to do with boxes and presents and the Big Brotherhood but I wasn't paying attention so will have to wait for BBLB/highlights show to find out what it was all about.

Aufwiedersehen Austin

omg etc. Project Runway in omg bitch witch Wendy made the final shocker. Her feathery orange concoction was chosen by some woman to wear to the grammies - thought the bust line was hideously unflattering but what do I know? I liked Austin's creation, the fabric was gorgeous, tho as the flashback shots showed, he has been making bascially the same dress each week. Jay's skirt was lush and Cora's dress was nice tho the trousers weren't. And it's not the final next week boo instead there's a reunion bitchathon yay.

I don't usually do this kind of thing but

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

ahem

Gillian McKeith has threatened to pull out of the Celebrity X Factor competition. The TV diet expert was furious after learning that show judge Louis Walsh had claimed that she "looked like a bus" and accused her of having a "huge ego".

Kit Kat update - Kit Kats bought today = 0

monochrome set, my friends

Is it against C4 by-laws for anyone on BBLB to wear colour? Dermot, Nadia, AnTHony, the bloke off queer eye, the audience ... the only one wearing colour was queer eye guy's dog.

In other news, I watched 10 mins of live streaming last night during which Nikki was expressing astonishment on hearing that her tits might be in the papers and her friends and family on BBBM, of which she claims never to have heard. Has she not watched BB before? Has she no tv? Does she not read the papers (or at least look at the pictures therein)? Or is she possibly not quite 100% for real?

Oh yes I have a complaint

No BBLB or BBBM on Monday! I suppose it's because there is this new one 'Big Brothers Big teevee 'experts' speaking the bleeding obvious' or whatever it is called! I've never really liked the psychology shows and I've already gone without BBBM since Friday... Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink indeed!

Big Brother's Big Brain Mondays, 11.05pm A new live show presented by Dermot O'’Leary, BBBB puts the housemates on the couch for intensive analysis. Our terribly brainy psychologists dissect the housemates' behaviour and conduct 'experiments' in the House. Watching this will will make you more clever. Fact.

Wonder what the experiments will be? Hopefully the draize test on Sezer and Mikey.

And now predictably

I hate Sezer. I liked BBLB the only people who seemed to not hate him were men. Dermot seemed most surprised all the laydee callers didn't love him. Dermot must of been watching the other site when last nights BB was on.

...in omg news today I must watch or tape BB, strictly dance fever, project runway and american idol... even though there is no point in watching AI now

SPOILER ALERT

Elliot is out. Taylor (in BB he would be Cameron) and McPhee-ver (in BB she would be Kate?) in the final. Sigh. This years AI officially a bit rubbish. I'm hoping for a McPhee victory but I'm not that bothered. And SDF where to start stop kicking out good people and get rid of Mark (Jennifer is good though).

from the sundays

News of the World has shock horror young women enjoy sex stories about Nikki and Imogen (accompanied by 'tits oot' pics).
More "woman has sex" shocks in the Sunday Mirror. In an astonishing twist, the People goes with 'man has sex' revelations.


What the old HMs say:
Cameron in the Sunday Post

I certainly don’t fancy the urinals in the bathroom. At the risk of sounding indelicate, when we were leaving the Big Brother 4 house we were cautioned always to use cubicles in public rest rooms to minimise unwanted attention.

Shel in the Sunday Mail

I'm dying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The clip on the offish site of Nikki DYING from having no clothes and no bottled water is absolutely hilarious (unfortunately you have to watch a film clip first boo)

I'm torn between she must stay in and someone must slap her. I'm pledging my full BB support to the first HM to tell her to shut the feck up you stupid spoilt whining bitch. Ahem.

Rubbish mini task

They are giving them glue, is this wise?

Pete reads -

today housemates will be revamping their wardrobes

silence

tweeting birds

30 mins to design t shirts

show the group

silence

tweeting birds

will be rewarded

get into pairs

Shahbaz - let's get Pete to read all instructions think of all the bleeps

Me - hmm let's not do that, too many tweeting birds

It's like project runway without hilarious postal outfit antics.

fist impressions

Someone PLEASE give Glynn his suitcase. I'm not sure I can bear to look at his skinny frame and nipples any longer. I do wonder if both him and Nikki actually watched the programme the last few years, or maybe they're just incredibly stupid. They NEVER get given their suitcases immediately. So don't wear next to nothing in the house!
Nikki was throwing a hissy fit last night because she was going to have to wear her mascara to bed!! How dreadful. Her whiney voice irritates me already.
Pete has been dishing out his clothes from his newly aquired suitcase. He lent Imogen some trousers. He is a prime example of don't trust first impressions as he's kind of ok. I think we will like him even more as the weeks go by.
Shabaz, however, is too much. Already threatening to leave. I do believe that if they persistantly threaten to walk out they should be MADE to go. Orlaith drove me mad last year.

scraps from the tabs

BIG BUDDIES - Grace & Nikki once worked together in Horrids' perfume counter. And Grace's mum said

She's very good friends with Calum Best, but I know she hasn't slept with him - she would have told me

eew. Never trust anyone who tells their mum everything. It's not normal and it's not right.

Shahbaz's Gay Hell

Shocked friends watched as his father Muzammil - who was later prosecuted for assault - beat him with a claw hammer outside his school in Glasgow.

and crucial news from Peterborough Today: I dated Big Brother's posh totty

curses to the weather gods

I have no reception on itv/c4/e4. Missing BBBM is upsetting me more than missing the c4 highlights show.

lookie likies

so far we have:
Mikey = poor man's Vernon Kay
George = poor rich man's Dermot
Lea = Pete Burns
Pete = Lee Evans (not Jim Carey, imo)
Nikki = Vanessa Feltz

any others ?

tra lalal

Well it's building nicely for the big house split as per normal. This time we'll have the weirdos vs the poshos.
George, Sezer, Grace, Nikki, Mikey and Imogen in one corner and Lea, Bonno, Shabaz, Pete, Glyn, Lisa in the other. I have a feeling Richard and Dawn might float a little.
We all float down here.
ps Pete is Jim Carreys Double.
Ummm apparently Lea is sure fire certain to shag in the house. After seeing her 'work' (pure porn) I could understand why people would say that.But who in their right mind would shag her?
Sezer? George? Glyn..... yep my bet is Glyn. Innocent little welsh 6th former. His whole life could be ruined. Hope his Mam lectured him before he went in.

Presses red button

Bonnie is crying! I can't understand a word she says at one point.

Shahbaz picks up a cake the others were eating and throws it in the bin (why I'm not sure)

The others get it out again

Shahbaz is a bit shocked about this

Richard, Pete and Sezer put Dawn's wig on.

Pete is a new Brotherhood member.

Richard says they should pick girls next time as they want their clothes more.

Press! Dawn in the local paper.

Just a thought... on the offish site by the HM pics it says their name then 'present' then age etc. Why does it say 'present'? On digi spy in the profiles it says 'Current Status In House' is it possible they will be going somewhere else? I've not seen the 'present' thing before that's all!

I hate you so much right now... ARGH!

Nikki. It's a shame as I prefer to hate men in general but you came and ticked all my hate boxes.

You are very talented though as we can see here (warning nekkidness)

Backing dancer for various tribute bands and tease websites (?) I'm surprised you found the time to go into the house.

The others plus added Nikki insult

Bonnie Bono ~ silly 'banned from working in any factory in the whole of Loughborough' wow
Dawn ~ she wants to 'raise her profile in the field' what field? there is no cow
George ~ drinks with the kiddy Osbournes so probably just out of very posh rehab
Glyn ~ FOOL small child new Stuart needs a slap
Grace ~ the other posho
Imogen ~ bar hostess ‘Miss Wales’ tabloid slapper
Lea ~ promising so probably first out I feel bad for calling her Jodie Marsh’s Mam now as she is obviously Pete Burns really
Lisa ~ need her to stay in please
Mikey ~ 'model' ugly sexist pig version of Vernon Kay
Nikki ~ stupid outfitted cow will end up with pig footballer who will dump her as she is a moo
Pete ~ has already achieved his wish to be a 'famous Touretter' Kate Moss rumoured to be dumping Russell Brand as we speak
Richard ~ fears pregnant women! I just fear Davina myself
Sezer ~ looks like that singer in the ‘boys will be girls’ band I wish the singer was in the house instead
Shahbaz ~ 37 unemployed for 21 years bound to be the one I like that everyone else hates this year
Kit Kat winner I HATE THEM ALREADY THE BITCH

naughty bbc

own up, which picture editor named this? tee hee

<_41662956_poshos_416.jpg>

reminds me to mention George's trousers. D'y think he bought them like that, or did all his rugger-bugger-ra-ra-ra mates tear them off him and sign them as a souvenir?

Ble mae'r Eisteddfod?

Glyn's been told off for talking Welsh with Imogen, it's classed as 'talking in code' by BB. Could they tell Bono to speak English too?

shelter my heroes

Yay. Despite my disgust at the kit kat ticket scandal.... forcing people to buy chocolate Nestle rubbish... I am warmed to see
BB is supporting the charity closest to my heart Shelter. I won't mind Voting now.

This year, 10p of every vote cast during Big Brother will be divided between three charities: Shelter, Teenage Cancer Trust and a third to be chosen by the series winner.

evil kit kat

I hate kit kat. Bland bits of cardboard wrapped in fake chocolate substitute.
Apparently the first BB ticket has been found and yesssss is on sale on eBay. The bids over 6 grand so far.
Hmmm
Wonder if that's allowed?

crikey they're even selling bloody kit kats on eBay. How sad is that?

morning has broken

BB's first twist/trick/thang last night

"Lisa and Shahbaz, you are now the founding members and leaders of a very exclusive organisation - the Big Brotherhood," said BB. "Members of the Big Brotherhood will be afforded special privileges. Privilege number one: only members of the Big Brotherhood will receive their suitcases.

"Privilege number two: members of the Big Brotherhood will be immune from the first eviction next week."

As a final privilege, Lisa and Shahbaz will be responsible for selecting new members to join the Big Brotherhood - but only when Big Brother invites them to. As well as receiving their suitcases, these new members will also be immune from the first eviction.

The duo were warned not to discuss potential Big Brotherhood members with anyone else and, upon exiting the diary room, they chose only to reveal that they alone would be receiving their suitcases.

Unbeknownst to them, however, the rest of the group had been watching the dialogue on the lounge plasma screen - but collectively decided to play dumb to avoid making it worse for the brave pair.

I hope they invite Glyn to join first, I don't think I can cope with watching his bare weedy chest for long. Mikey has his shirt off too, ick. The boys (Glyn, Mickey, Richard, Sezar) are trying to out-macho each other with pushups etc, meanwhile Dawn critiques their technique hah. Lea is going on about being boo-ed last night and how it doesn't bother her but she's upset for her son having to hear that. Yeah, who knew that if your mum goes on BB you might hear people say nasty things about her?

all freaks, no geeks

The worst has happened, the tabloid reports turn out to be true, Jodie Marsh's nan et al have gone into the house.

• Bono - what language is she speaking? could BB please provide sub-titles? Her brother is called Clyde, some people should not be allowed to reproduce.
• Pete - he's in a band, he likes to dress up, oh and he's got Tourette's. It is the law that he shall always be referred to as 'Tourette's sufferer Pete'. He's the one with the hamster.
• George - hurrah, a posh one for us to hate, comprende?
• Shahbaz - I was liking the knitting and the Bay City Rollers' Jacket, I went off him when the shrieking started. And went on. And on.
• Lea - or 'Busty Lea' as it is mandatory to call her. Jodie Marsh's nan, & Pete Burns wannabe. 35 my @rse.
• Imogen - Welsh stunna etc etc. Seemed quite nice actually.
• Mikey - hates ugly people (must suffer terrible self-loathing then) and feminists. Not nice.
• Dawn - my favourite on day 1. Thinks life's depressing and doesn't want to make friends. Says "I point out people's mistakes, which I am always right about as I never lose an argument". Actually I think she's me.
• Glyn - 'North Wales' Sexiest Lifeguard'. How many lifeguards are there in N. Wales?
• Richard - compulsory outrageous gay man [insert "why do they have to ram it down our throats" gag here]
  
• Grace - another posho for us to despise, BB you are spoiling us!
• Lisa - I like Lisa based purely on Manc solidarity. If she calms down she could be good, I think.
• Sezer - loadsamoney innit
• Nikki - she can't really be like that, can she?

Quite possibly the worst batch ever (it is also the law that you have to say that about every series). Production team going all out for fights and shagging this year.

Remember Lesleh?

"Earlier this year, it got so bad that I attempted suicide," she continued. "Using the handle of my hairbrush, I crushed a whole bottle of paracetamol tablets into a potentially lethal powder. I had every intention of swallowing it, but my mother came in and found me lying on my bed, sobbing.

Using the handle of her HAIRBRUSH? She CRUSHED the tablets?
How dramatic. How sad. What a bunch of crap. Why are we still reading or even acknowledging this waste of oxygen?
People are saying Bonnah is the new Lesleh. Don't allow her a hair brush then.
Talking of hair, those awful Lea Hair extentions won't last long. Didn't they learn anything from the vile Makosi?
Is she a woman? I have to say she looks awful manish to me.
My teen is already drooling over George. You go girl. Grab mummy a nice rich son in law.

BB and Baileys

I'm excited. I have a bottle of Baileys and the TV remote. Big Brother 4 minutes. I've already brought the series pass.
I'll hate it. I always do.
Jude's texting me song lyrics.
Here goes

OohOOhweeOOHweeOOH

I do like the day BB starts it's like Christmas Eve.

The Sun today on the maybe housemates...

*one has slept 'romped' with Dwight Yorke eww (who hasn't?)
*one has been unemployed for 21 years (member of royal family perhaps?)
*pal of Prince Harry (this is the one I want in. I need some posh prats in the house)
*a knitter (weirdo)
*a mum (shock horror is it claz or trin?)
*gay barman (OMG I may faint in shock)
*bagpipe player (umm)
*hamster man (man with hamster)
*someone who has been celibate for 7 years (or SEVEN years as those studs at the sun say)

etc etc ETC. I would like at least one or two women who aren't a porn star/page 3/whatever type and a posh person please. If they are as good as Craig/Derek/Kemal/Makosi I'll be h.a.p.p.y. A quick eww at Kemal and Kinga kissing on that BB programme yesterday btw.

the build up continues

check list for this evening:

• tv
• digibox
• phone (landline - to be answered during the ad breaks only)
• phone (mobile)
• laptop
• asda cava
• fine selection of nuts
• rising feeling of mild hysteria mixed with disbelief that I am yet again going to be drawn in to spending so much time on this show

The Daq

Ooh eeeeee the housemates are on Celebdaq no names just numbers! Should I buy HM 3 or 8? Decisions... HM 7 is currently the most expensive!

big match build-up

It's getting like the Cup Final Build Up, the run-in to BB is becoming a national ritual. Instead of the teams in their hotels & what they had for breakfast, we get HM rumours and 'where are they now' features on the old ones, like this one from Sky

In other news Michelle robber-of-the-badger Dewberry has dumped Syed and taken up with someone off EastEnders, apparantly.

Big Brother Eve

Today The Sun can't make up its mind about a person with Tourette'’s. Are they a sufferer or a victim? They just don't know!

One thing I do love about BB this year is the BB bunny. I expect the kit kat winner to leap out of it.

Ooh the silhouettes are up looky! Two of them look like Makosi so possibly not the real silhouettes. Unless the housemates are all old ones cloned.

don't have a cow, bro

There's going to be udder chaos in BB7
The rumours that the HMs will have a cow to look after this year are going strong. The bookies are offering odds of 50-1 that the HMs eat the cow, & 16-1 that the cow wins.

other betting:

• 8/13 Male Winner
• 6/5 Female Winner
• 5/4 An Infrared Camera to catch a couple copulating
• 2/1 Davina to give birth before the end of the show
• 9/4 A full scale Punch-Up
• 4/1 A housemate to Escape
• 4/1 A Housemate to leave within 24 hrs of the start
• 10/1 A Housemate to smuggle a TV, Radio, Mobile in to the house for World Cup results
• 16/1 A Celebrity housemate to be brought in for at least a week
• 16/1 A Housemate to fall down the stairs on arrival.
• 50/1 The contestants to fail every task

Wot, no odds on the ALF breaking into the house and liberating the cow?

Seems unlikely to me that they'd put a cow in. There's been a lot of complaining in the past about them not being nice to the chickens, a cow would attract more complaints shirley? Also cows produce an awful lot of cow pats (although it would make a regular task I s'pose, save them from thinking up anything original).

perverted spunkiness

and that's just the house, according to Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen:

I love the spunkiness of the fitted carpets ... very perversely suburban. That's the complete joy of it. It's as if Cynthia Payne came round and decorated

I am soooo bored with the claustrophobic house confrontational thang yawn.

Thrilling!

Watch a bored Michelle from The Apprentice have some pics taken of her only in this weeks NOTW. Woo.

I am hating all this BB news in the tabloids I don't want to know who the housemates are yet GO AWAY until Thursday. Hopefully they are all fake housemates anyway, especially this one...

Lea had her breasts enlarged from a petite AAA cup size. Tony said: "With all her ops she looks like a pumped-up Pamela Anderson and it is the boobs which really stand out."

No, she looks like she could be Jodie Marsh's Mam.

And she showed it all off in an X-rated skin flick with porn actor Tony James, 30 —who claims she'll be gagging to put on a repeat performance when BB7 starts on Thursday.

Yes because channel 4 are likely to show a repeat of that during BB aren't they? I feel unclean now.

Michelle is officially rubbish

Outraged internet users were today umm OUTRAGED when they read that Michelle winner of The Apprentice used to work for the rubbish ISP tiscali.

Over the next five months, she continued to impress Gill, who later took her to London to work at Tiscali as a project manager. Michelle played a significant role in out-sourcing the call centre in India.

Internet users were said to be now hissing and booing even more at her name.

no texts please, we're quizzing

For the good of my quiz team, I have to Go Out tonight. Hence I will be in full Likely Lads mode re: the great Blonde vs Badger show down, until I can watch in on broadband in the morning. Please not to txt me with OMG x won/lost etc. Of course if txt you with a question about who was runner up in the 2nd series of Strictly Pop Dancing, you are obligated to provide the answer instantaneously.

edit: the team cried off, so I get to watch Apprentice hurrah

Press release

Quite interesting to skim the BB press release

new psychology show for Monday night Big Brother'’s Big Brain with Dermo

free video clips! gee you spoil us BB

10p from each vote going to charity

net streaming a one off £7.99

Scary

How bad/good is celeb x factor going to be?

Chris Moyles joins Hollyoaks' Jodi Albert, TV nutritionist Gillian McKeith and magician Paul Daniels and wife Debbie McGee.

From the Mirror

Starring Michael as Makosi

Over at BB OZ ...

It's a mission with an interesting twist. Michael has one week to surreptitiously convince eight Housemates to nominate him for next week's eviction, all - of course - without being caught.

What's next for Michael the mole? Pretend pregnancy? Prostitution?

which wendy will win?

Ruth & Michelle are both Wendys, apparantly. Blond Wendy vs Badger Wendy, can't wait for Wednesday.

In other news, News of the Screws does it's annual 'bb contestants revealed' story. I mean what is the point? If they are right, now the producers will just go and change them. Meanwhile Barbara Ellen wrote this article about Lost - to watch or not to watch the next series. It's how I'm feeling about BB ...

We are all sentient adults, we can decide to watch or not, engage or not. Pick up the phone to our married man, or... Oh dear, I've picked up the phone. I won't stay on long, I won't get 'involved', I just want to say hello really. A little voice inside me is screaming: 'Don't do it, your life won't be your own for the next million episodes.' But guess what, he's saying things will be different, he's sorry about all that silliness, all those loose ends, and he's promising to make it up to me. You know, I think he's really serious this time.

boycott big brother?

The latest BB shock twist wizard wheeze is the distribution of 'golden tickets' in kit kats. One of them will entitle the holder to sell it for a small fortune on ebay be a BB housemate.

This blog will not be in with a chance as we haven't bought kitkats, or any other nestle products, for years, and we're not going to start now. Because

Nestlé is the target of a boycott in 20 countries because it aggressively markets baby foods, breaking World Health Assembly marketing requirements and contributing to the death and suffering of infants around the world.

Visit Babymilk Action's site to find out more about why you shouldn't buy kitkats either. Why not buy some yummy fair trade choc instead?

Michelle: winner or loser?

OMG Michelle made the final. Sir A seems very taken with her, it all went bit cardboard box? in the boardroom there for a minute. Nick (I think) remarked that she's seduced him. According to Paul, she's seduced Syed too. Eeewwww. I wouldn't touch him with yours.

I still want Ruth to win, even though I would like to give her a serious talking to about how having no qualifications is not something to be proud of (tsk). Michelle obviously does have talent but she does that classic thing women do and hides behind a facade of nicesness so none of the boys feel threatened. Whereas Ruth just barges in and says what she thinks. At this blog we like girls with balls, oh yes we do.


Paul's interview surely vindicated all I've been saying about his Brentness. All his boasting about his brilliance and he's not earning loadsa money after all, the way he ranted about Big Issue sellers in his application!

Bitchy BB

BIG Brother 7 housemates will be allowed to discuss nominations for the first time— as bosses go all out to guarantee fights.

Contestants will also be ENCOURAGED to forge secret alliances to maximise bitching and back-stabbing.

From The Sun

Guarantee fights? Like when the police were called and they had to remove Emma? Hmm. I can't see BB this year topping the beginning of last years, Makosi should of been made a Dame for her good work (apart from when she nominated Craig and Mary boo).

More on BB TeeVee allegedly Big Brother's Little Brother 7.30pm weekdays on E4 and Big Brother's Big Mouth (Russell pointy boots and stupid tight trousers) after the main BB nightly show. An unofficial guide to the BB presenters...


I'd like a big tabloid scandal about Dermot this year please (ok not too big nothing awful).

BB Australia (will there be a BB housemate swap?) has the bedsit this year and a 'secret to the rest of the house in the first week' Mother and Daughter. Oh and there is a MOLE (unfortunately it isn't Glenn Hugill).

Big Brother OMG it's SOON

People keep telling me Big Brother starts on a Thursday this year! A Thursday! The world has gone mad.

ferocious mr f*ckup

Bye Bye Syed. No surpise there. He lies, he cheats, he smarms, he's fired. Next week's interview task is going to be great, as they all get shaken up and shaken out hah. Two get fired tho boo. I hope one will be Paul. He truly is David Brent. Telling Ansell about the wonders of Rome, he summed up it's attractions as "You can see the Colliseum, where they filmed some of the Gladiator"

In other news: like Christmas, BB gets earlier every year. OMG it's only 3 weeks away!

and you thought I couldn't get any worse

I have a new TV Shame - Ferocious Mr Fixit.

Just in case you haven't seen it, it's a sort of chav version of "Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares". Instead of posh restaurants, Mr Fixit goes round firstly secretly filming and then shouting at the workers in factories and hairdressers accross the land - althought as with the Ramsay show, it's always turns out it's mostly the boss's fault.

Bizzarely I have a fleeting thing for Alasdair. This obsession I have for domineering Scotsmen is something I should possibly seek therapy for. Ring ring "Hello, is that the Trisha show? I'd like to apply to be a guest on your next 'Help, I keep fancying blokes who remind me subconscioulsy of my dad' show"

Auf Wiedersehen pet

What was the woman with the worst catchphrase in reality tv wearing on project catwalk runway this week? Did she come straight from chicago-the-musical? It was so short, when she got up out of her seat she was tugging it down. I did love her OMGWTFISSSSSTHAT!!!!????? face when she saw Austin's 'wedding' dress that was good.

Liverpool nil

I didn't mind last week's Strictly Dance Fever 'shock' result (as in it wasn't Aravon and Paul I presume) but this weeks... Rob and Dawn! Rob and Dawn! I'm not liking that one bit.

What's to blame?

1. Liverpool forgetting to vote
2. Rob's Granddad
3. The royal family being werewolves
4. 'They came top last week so everyone else will vote for them' thoughts around the country
5. Me voting for Aravon Paul.
6. No one else watching

Don't vote on your mobile it seems to cost 80p. That is my first and only vote of the series then.

Can anyone tell me the point of

1. Not having at least one weekday catch up show
2. The 'little brother' show being on before the results show

The sooner they put me in charge the better!

Tuan done gone

Tuan got the shove from the Apprentice this week. No-one was surprised, Tuan didn't even really care that much. He was quite sweet but sweet don't cut it with Sir A. Meanwhile Ruth steams full force ahead. Even the House Doctor loves her. Look, we have Badger badges

even better than the real thing

Just watched Project Runway for the first time. The judges aren't a patch on Julien, but what totally class contestants! Am loving the one who stars in the ikea ads

separated at birth?

but of course I am with Jude, my favourite has to be Austin. Fashion designer with bouffy hair, lilac shirt and a cravat throws himself over a chaise and sobs his heart out. What more could you ask of any reality tv show?

Surely

The last two in The Apprentice are going to be...





in my humble seeing into the future probably wrong view...





The Badger and Ansell?



In Badger news The Badger is splitting up from her husband and becoming a Manchester lesbian. Maybe. How exciting!

I like The Badger but I did not like the end of this weeks programme how they made it look like she was about to get fired in the trailer for next week. Boo hiss. Meanies.

Drunk

The strictly dance fever site, not me.

Meet Paul Culsahw and Aravon McCann. Paul is the dancer who nearly made it in series one. Aravon is a the linedancer and mother of two.

Meet JP Omari and Stacey Gaunt. JP is Streetdancer who lives in Brighton. Stacey is a dancer who loves to get funky.

Drunk I tell you. I am very annoyed there is no daily show how will we see the high jinks from the mansion?

Show Times Saturday April 15, 6.10pm & 9.25pm on BBC ONE 7.15pm on BBC THREE

3 shows a week? How can I get addicted on that. I need want to see lots of clips of Aravon missing her children and her dog grooming and generally being 38 while everyone around her is 22 ish.

Just one more, I know it only amuses me.

Meet Paul MaGuire and Pamela Smith. Paul is an account manager who loves to Jive.

Wild.

Strictly dance fever is back!

But they've changed two of the judges. Wayne Sleep and some bloke from Footballers Wives are the new ones...I don't approve of the last one, unless he's evil then that will be fine, and June Sarpong is doing the spin off show nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Project Runway

Thank you sky 3 I love you! Project Runway series one started tonight and yes I have googled to see who won! Mwahaha I couldn't help it. Obviously I am drawn towards this designer at the mo



I knew he'd win the first challenge.

I was rather upset there was no 'fashion has no mercy'. I just googled that phrase and look here cute Matthew Bowkett (stalk) pics ahoy!

Games and stuff!

The Games - Javine and Jade winners no big surprise. I'm now looking forward to tonights champ of champs show, I'm so sad. But we knew that already.

American Idol - Kevin gone. That's not fair I want Bucky OUT and Ace oh and Taylor but that is too much to hope for.

and in AI who 'gives a feck' news.

"American Idol" chat rooms were buzzing Friday over a controversy surrounding Chris Daughtry's version of "I Walk the Line."

Judges praised Daughtry for making the song his own when he performed the Johnny Cash tune on the Fox network show.

But some fans say the version wasn't Daughtry's, but ripped off from one done by the band Live in 2001.

If people do a song in a different style on an Idol or similar show they will have heard it done like that before. People don't put in original performances on these shows, they sing a long with a band, they don't spend hours jamming and changing a song.

Project Catwalk - I was so happy with Kirsty winning and the lovely Matthew coming second. Matthew's clothes were the best in the last task but Kirsty had to win.

That's the concierge now

The ads they made on The Apprentice were very funny, as funny as the American Apprentice when they had to make an ad for the New York police department and one team made it look like the worst job ever. I loved that. Good firing as well. Ha.

Diving! News!

Something bad has happened around Adam Rickitts eyes during the diving practice! He looks scary. Something about capillaries...

I still hate the E4 night show especially that woman presenter. I like the 'house' shows in the morning and night, I like watching people eat breakfast. Fascinating! Or maybe not.

I don't like JK, for one thing he thinks Chris Moyles is funny that is just wrong.

Javine is only happy when she wins, she must of been v miserable during 'pop stars the rivals' then.

The Lib Dem woman reminds me of Sue Perkins.

I like Nolans, all Nolans.

E4 boooo

I did not like the E4 games show with Justin Lee Collins it was rubbish and far too laddy for delicate me!

Michelle Gayle (sweeeeeeeeeetnesss is my weeeeeaknessss) was ace in the water rafting (kayaking) thing, she won! Amanda (place in the sun) came last, oops. Jade (Mr Emma Bunton) won the 'boys' event (water ski jumping). JK (?) came last, good.

The Games starts today

And Goldie is out he got injured ski jumping, replacing him is.........

Adam Rickitt! The future Tory MP! Our next PM! Or maybe not. I missed him on question time I just couldn't get my head round that he was going to be on it.

It's all about Amanda Lamb oh and Michelle Gayle. I do like Amanda. Javine I have gone off she seems a bit...hmm dunno I just don't like her (might be her recent drink driving thing). I like Jade Jones a lot, he's replaced the awol Darren Day. I wondered what he was like, all I knew was that he dated Emma Bunton, he seems lovely from the Mon - Thurs E4 shows. Most boring has to go to MC (Marcel) Plat'num I've had enough of Blazin' Squad on reality tv and MP Julia.

I'm going to watch alllllllll of The Games chan 4 E4 allllllllll of it.

Ahem.

under no circumstances ...

... is anyone to txt me about tonight's Apprentice. Am going Out and will be avoiding the result till I catch up on-line.

me? sad?

An on-line market questionnaire asked me

What did you do on The Apprentice website? (Please tick all that apply)

• Watched a short clip to catch-up on an episode I had missed [yep]
• Watched a full episode [yes]
• Watched a video biography of one(or more) of the apprentices [all of them, doesn't everyone?]
• Watched clips from the first series of The Apprentice [yeah]
• Watched a "behind-clip of the-scenes" clip Director/Producer talking about The Apprentice [oh yes]
• Read Saira's column on the apprentice's progress [loving her work]
• Played the Plot Predictor game [but of course]
• Other [yup, watched "The Apprentice: Your Fired"]

Luckily there was no question about how you are doing in the Apprentice Plot Predictor game (answer: total bobbins)

apprentice-mania, it's everywhere

Even on the Gruaniad's sports pages

we are all craning our necks to peer over to the other carriageway at the car crash that is Jo Cameron, the highly strung Charlie Dimmock/Ray Parlour lookalike who I was startled to learn runs her own management training company (as part of this column's commitment to interactivity we invite you to insert your own joke here, using the words Gary, Glitter, and baby-sitting franchise).

Jo's former husband has described her as "headstrong". He now lives 3,000 miles away in Florida. I wonder why.

The Games

The Games is on E4 tonight woo hoo. I love The Games I do. Javine and some Lib Dem women are faves for the women, I expect some drama from Michelle Gayle.

Ooh Richard and Judy going to discuss with curse of big brother with George, Makosi and Nadia.

Top 12

At last American Idol has finally got to the BIG top 12 stage. Kinnik, Will, Ayla, and Gedeon all left. I wanted Bucky to go I really can't stand him (or understand him when he talks). I love Mandisa I don't care who wins as long as it is her. Even though this puts me off a little

Who is your AMERICAN IDOL? An author and speaker named Beth Moore. She inspires me to live more like Jesus and I want to do the same.

Blimey.

Home of Sugar girl 'fired'

A WOMAN told “You’re fired!” on hit show The Apprentice has had her home destroyed by a blaze. Nargis Ara, 38, has lost all her possessions too — because she had forgotten to renew the contents insurance for her flat.

Fired/fire see what they did there?

from the sun

reality tv stars make the best tv presenters

Ben Fogle to Dog Owner: So, the Norwegian ElkHound, what was this breed bred for?

Dog Owner: Hunting elks. In Norway.

Bless.





PS further to the "my son's a gay" debate: he :hearts: Crufts. I rest my case.

at last

Had to miss Apprentice last night booooo. I let my otherhalf use living room for a meeting (he owes me big time) on the assumption I'd be able to watch it on-line later that evening. But it wasn't up aargh. I had to spend today avoiding finding out the result.

Anyway now I have seen it and omg Jo saved again! Despite being clearly a nutter, Sir A saved her and sacked Karen. That was quite funny actually, because Karen is Ms Cool and clearly thought she was in no danger. Also she is a bit (understatment) two-faced imo. But she is at least not doo-lally. Ah well, Jo does make good telly. Bring on next week. I so love this show

Huzzah!

Daz and Gaynor won! Woo! Etc! Dancing on ice had the stupidest thing I have seen in a final since Colin Jackson danced with a dummy on strictly come dancing. Flying! With wires! How strange.

How why what? Sian and Russell still in it takes two, she can't sing and is quite frankly odd and he is boring. They better not win. Brookie and Atomic Kitten to win! Yay!

I liked Ben de Lisi having a major strop on this weeks project catwalk that was fun.

Saturday trash and VOTE DAZ!

Good god I am pleased that just the two of us is finishing tomorrow it is so rubbish. I'd like him from Brookie and her from Atomic Kitten to win though.

Gaynor better win dancing on ice as well.

Oh and Daz for Eurovision please. Anyone who says his influences are Joy Division, Jilted John and Stevie Wonder deserves our Eurovision vote.

2 songs

OMG I thought my Abby was going to explode in fury as The South and Welsh population of this country voted for the dreadful Penny to win 'The Two of Us'. She loves Chris from Hollyoaks.
Obv. Sian got through because she cried The UK is a sucker for a tear machine.
I have no idea how Penny got that far in the competition except... Look at the 'Great' wins in the past. Michelle McManus and Steve Broccolipot. Shayne Ward and Tony Hadley... The list is endless. The great British public really does have a sense of humour. Does it not?
Remember how Westlife won the song of the year with a cover version of something me granny had on vinyl way back west.
Ask the public to vote and your going to get the crappiest underdog available.
Now 'The Two Of Us', is a load of balony really. But it's easy to watch and the players are likeable. Plus I like seeing Stewart Copeland again. Kinda shocked that Abby has no idea who he is.
They should do GCSE rock as a compulsory subject.

pass the tissues

blimey, it was waterworks central on tonight's Apprentice. Jo weeping and wailing (natch), also Tuan and Sam boo-hooing. And then just as they go into the boardroom, my friend rings up boohooing about her boyfriend dumping her becuase she's an alkie yadayada stfu the Apprentice is on!

Nargis got sacked. I was liking her, I thought she did quite good as team manager. Up until the presentation when she was just dreadful. And even worse she started blaming everyone else for her being dreadful. Although Kate did stab her in the back in the boardroom. Jo should've gone, tho. Bursting into tears and/or shouting at people who disagree with you is so not a good business strategy.

Meanwhile over on the boys team they are competing to out-David-Brent each other. Mani is such an hilariously pompous @rse. Sam was a dreadful PM - how could he not have decided on a price? I'm liking Ansell, but not the Ansell-Syed-Paul lipgloss bitch krew.

If you're feeling Apprentice withdrawal symptoms between shows, go on over to their website and watch the clips and interviews. Some excellent interviews with the contestants. Tuan says you must live your life to the full as it's the only one you'll get. Eh? I thought he was a buddist? And Paul will take some beating in the David-Brent-athon that his interview. I don't know how they stopped him getting his guitar out for an impromptu "FreeLove Freeway" singalong.

Have I mentioned how much I love this show?

The Julien & Pete show (please?)

Julien Macdonald wasn't judging on Project Catwalk this week, instead he breeze in, verbally ripped all their designs apart and then bitched about them all to their faces. I demand to have a show all about Julien making Pete Burns' wedding dress. Possibly with Gordon Ramsey doing the cooking.

Oh and Marianne left the catwalk this week. They were supposed to design uniforms for chamber maids, but they all are pretty much incapabable of imagining clothes for normal shaped women to do normal things in. And for wannabe fashionistas, they dress really badly. I love this show cos I get to dislike everyone in it hahahahaha.

AI the long drawn out results

.............

...................

..............................

Oh just say who has gone for fecks sake. ITV2 showing American Idol as a handy 4 HOUR PLUS show this week. I think I will have aged ten years before they get to the final.

GONE Becki
GONE Bobby
GONE Stevie
GONE Patrick how annoying David should have gone

Quick It Takes Two ness -

Gabi Roslin and Martin Fry going spoiled the whole show for me. I wanted more Martin. Anyway the programme is rubbish.

Quick Dancing On Ice - John Barrowman leaving weeeeeeeeeeeeks ago again spoiled the whole damn thing. Boo.

Young people a couple shocker!

Kemal and Kinga had been secretly dating for four months sez the News Of the World.

American Idol a drunk review

My AI review whilst drinking vodka.

Last 12 girls

Mandisa - big good
Kellie Pickler - dad in jail good bit off
Becki - twin long dark hair good bit off
Ayla Brown - basketball tall rich family very musicals mariah
Paris Bennett - I love
Stevie Scott - opera rubbish
Brenna Gethers - diiiiiiiiiiiiiva dodgy then got better
Heather Cox - blonde no good boring
Melissa McGee - good ish bit out of tune boring song no like
Lisa Tucker - good whitney bit off key quite a bit off key
Kinnik Sky - horrible song good but screechy
Katharine McPhee - gooooooooooood just good

Last 12 boys

Patrick - sunglasses good ish but boring
David - sang crazy little thing called love hideous creepy
Bucky Covington - rough grunge wannabe but best name ever!
Will Makar - OC lookylikey not that good bit lanky wrong song
Sway - ill advised hat not that good
Chris - bald metal beard bloke v good sang dead or alive new Bo?
Kevin - looks 12 year old musical quite good well good but young and geeky
Gedeon - is 17 looks 27 fairly good energetic
Elliott - rough Shayne Ward lookylikey ooh good nice voice Simon sez maybe best AI male ever
Bobby - sang copacobana! as you'd expect
Ace - young 'chris in the morning' looklikey good but new Constantine (cute but turned out to be rubbish) or Bo (dead dead good)? that is the question
Taylor - the grey horror he's 29 but looks 49 did good blah ick

Rather depressingly the odd grey haired bloke was good. Blah. How dare he!

Who do you think you are kidding Mr Sugar?

It's not about a job it's all about being on teeeee veeeeeeeeee.

Poor Ben he just wasn't made for these times for The Apprentice. I felt sorry for him until he made a couple of gay comments at Syed on the BBC3 show, after that I thought he was a prat. 'The A Team' that was hilarious. The A Team is a real thing to lead your life by for Syed.

I hated the whole thing the women did they might as well of hit some of the people over the head and just stole the stuff. 'Hello we're a big gang and we are going to be IN YOUR FACE until you give us FREE STUFF'. Next task they'll probably be happy slapping.

it's all going Apprentice crayzee!

Blimey, BBC has got Apprentice-mania. There's the main show, the "You're Fired" spin off show (Adrian Chiles hurrah Saira hurrah hurrah yay). There's extra stuff on the web (plus you can watch episodes again). Lovin' it!

Project idol boring job

I love Project Catwalk I didn't know it was on freeview but when Claz mentioned it I found it. I love the mumbly bloke who always has his hand on his face and the Scouse woman. I hate Liz Hurley. Stupid beeeeeeeeeeeeeech.

Apprentice tonight I am looking forward to that. I don't care who wins the boring stupid job at the end it's borrrrrrrrring.

American Idol - THAT GREY BLOKE! I will never understand the appeal of THAT GREY BLOKE!

Back to the curling...sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Chantelle Gets TV Show

Ananova - Chantelle Gets TV Show

just saw trailer for it. Chantelle saying "oh my god" over and over. And over. I'm so over Chantelle saying things over and over.

A show insider told The Sun: "We're going to see if Chantelle can really launch a pop career - maybe with her fake band, Kandyfloss.

"We're also going to follow her as she's launched on London's top nightspots.

"Can she pull a footballer, or will she end up with BB housemate Preston?"

The show starts on E4 on 22 February at 10.30pm.

Nice to see ananova again, tho.

Oh and 22/02 is going to be such a good telly evening.

sunday papers

• OH MY GOD! WE'RE AN ITEM Celebrity Big Brother winner Chantelle Houghton has at last admitted she and housemate Preston are an item. And after weeks of public petting and flirting in the Big Brother house, it looks like the pair have finally HAD [a nice time].
• 'I DON'T GIVE A DAMN IF ANNE'S CHEATED ME..BUT I DO CARE THAT SHE'S CHEATED VIEWERS'
• CELEB FIT CLUB EXCLUSIVE
• CELEBRITY LOVE RAT ISLAND.. SERIAL love rat Brendan Cole is being lined up to star in the new series of Celebrity Love Island. TV bosses have offered the Strictly Come Dancing star £80,000 to work his charms on the women in the reality show.

Pete's wedding off shame. I was so looking forward to his dress

Miaow

CELEBRITY Big Brother star Rula Lenska is to become
the new face of a top cat food brand. The actress will this week sign a six-figure deal with the firm - believed to be Sheba - following her infamous TV pet role-playing session with maverick MP George Galloway.

do you dare me?

The Gorgeous One is coming to Manchester. Shall I go and miaow loudly at the back? It's like Bogies for grown-ups ...

New found fame and fortune

Big Brother turns Preston into an extraordinary boy:

"The songs Preston writes with guitarist William J Brown, there has always been an outright populism, as was apparent when the quartet struck up Talk Talk Talk from their debut. With amusing, direct lyrics about suburban ennui, it is catchy like an old Madness single, and eschews the more twisty-turny post-punk influences favoured by their peers.

They closed their five-song set with Boys Will Be Boys, which, with its rinky-dink organ sound, is also a bit too much like an old Madness single. Again, however, it's a memorable little tune, and if the Ordinary Boys keep churning out those, they will outlast the affections of their new-found teen audience."

Wonder if next year many on the fringe of success bands will be pushing their lead singers into CBB?
Yes I like the Ordinary oys... I always did. I prefer GLC but I do like Prestons Voice.
Wonder if the other band members really do mind that all those teenagers have turned up just to see Preston?
Probably not as the cash comes rolling in.

Beauty and the Geek

My new fav show. Beauty and the Geek. E4 on Tuesday nights. Last night saw 7 beauties with very little in the way of brain power, team up with 7 complete nerds in a Scottish castle.
Every week one couple will be evicted and the last couple will be the pair that have learnt the most from each other... I like the very brainy and total inept Edmund and the airhead Sam. This week they had to dance together and Sam had to answer questions... One of which was. How many brains does a monkey have and one girl said two!!
They share a bedroom together and have to gel to win the prize and stay in the show.
It's ace and fills a hole that CBB left.

Sugar and Spice

TV's Apprentice reveals new team

A former shop assistant, a lawyer and an ex-footballer are among the hopefuls competing in the second series of BBC Two programme The Apprentice.

...

Among the contestants are Michelle Dewberry, 26, a former checkout girl who is now a telecoms consultant.

The programme will also feature Ansell Henry, 34, who used to play for Millwall FC, and management consultant Alexa Tilley, 28, the cousin of Little Britain star Matt Lucas.

Cancel all engagements for February 22nd!

do the LibDems really need more publicity?

Julia Goldsworthy, are you sure going on The Games is a totally good idea? I know there's no cat impressions invovled but there will be leotards.

Other tv shows I have been goggling at on itv2/sky3 repeats, from under the duvet on my sick bed lately:

Australian Princess: this is horrible, truly toe curlingly horrible. Paul Burrell is such a pompous little tit! As if the difference between a red wine goblet and a water goblet matters.

Project Catwalk: now this is (Liz Hurley excepted) good. Particularly loving the way the World's Campest Living Welshman rips everyone's designs apart at the end of each show. Liz's attempt at a catchphrase is just feeble. "You may now leave the catwalk" is hardly "You're fired!", is it?

Talking of which, much excitement (well as much as I can muster in my fevered state) as trailers for the new series of
the Apprentice spotted. Whooo whooo whooooooooooooooooo. (Miriam Staley remains our top search engine term, fact fans).

More excitement as Pete goes back into the charts at No. 5 hurrah




But, at the risk of adding the Wrath of Trin to my woes, can someone please tell me the difference between these two soundie-lookie-likies?

original vs ordinary

And finally ... Ann Diamond in Celeb Fat Club Stomach Staple Cheat Storm Shocker!

Pete in the mirror

CHANTELLE

I KNEW she was a porno model - but she kept swearing on her mother's life it wasn't true. She was a good liar. God help her future husband when she's out f***ing someone else. They're trying to make her the nation's sweetheart, but to me she is utterly nauseating. I don't begrudge her the few beans she'll earn. But she'll get chewed up and spat out. Then she'll become a lap dancer, even though she's a terrible dancer.

Much fun in the sunday mirror.

One week on

Parents may or may not call their babies Chantelle and/or Preston shocker! Preston may or may not be engaged shocker! (I'd guess not) Jordan and Chantelle have not posed topless together shocker!

Chantelle promoting Euro lottery. Look! She's dressed as a banker!

Pete's coat innocent!

No action over Burns' monkey coat

Just to clarify: Fur coats bad. Pete good.

Cowboy

I loved it when he fell over.