Scissorhands back

With new assistant manager... Mr Steve Strange... ha ha I hope that bit's true. I'm looking forward to Wife Swap on Sunday with Pete Burns and Razor Ruddock. Runway back next week. Woo.

Pete Burns joy

Presenting Big Mouth this week and due to be on Wife Swap.

Chanelle went... then came back... then went again...

Chanelle gone. HIP HIP HOORAY.

The female house next door-ers aren't any improvement though. Sigh... no sign of Pete Burns or anyone from Castaway.

Ffs she's come out of the diary room................. oh she's forgotten something LEAVE ALREADY... Carole, Liam and Welsh newbie with odd name are talking about her and Gerry's crying etc and she's in the next room like she's back but she's not. LEAVE!

I can't believe she's still there even though she's left. Stop stalking us poor viewers and LEAVE!

Then she went again then came back... bored now. Channel 4 and digi spy both said she had left so it was official. I'm very annoyed.

More amusing rumours

Hassan from Castaway to join BB house! Or ex BB housemates as it is Big Brother's birthday (apparently the first one started on the 14 July 2000). Or none of those. I'm still waiting for Pete Burns.

I like rumours

RUMOURS that PETE BURNS is to be sent into the Big Brother house are circulating.

It is claimed that Pete — who starred in last year’s Celeb BB — has been in secret talks with producers.

There is also speculation that two new contestants will enter the house tonight. A Channel 4 spokeswoman said: “There’s nothing to report.

Probably just a lovely rumour...

Happy weddingness

Pete Burns has married the long suffering Michael and it's all being filmed for Living. Yay! From Ireland on line.

I hate BB twists that don't start right away. I already hate the woman involved just because she was on a programme called 'Balls of Steel' that sounds highly annoying.

Pete Burns reported to be sniggering in a corner

Living the Dream no more.

Celebrity Big Brother stars Chantelle Houghton and Samuel Preston have split after 10 months of marriage.

Wow I'm so like not at all shocked... next Chanelle and Ziggy will be spitting up, then getting back together then spitting up, then getting back together.

Twisty BB

The prisoners have a secret luxury room! They have a large bath, products, champagne and choc fountain. Aislyene and Imogen are rather enjoying themselves.

Love Island news... nooooooooooooooooo Dennis Rodman is there. Tsk they should bring Pete Burns on if they have to copy BB for 'celebs'.

lookie likies

so far we have:
Mikey = poor man's Vernon Kay
George = poor rich man's Dermot
Lea = Pete Burns
Pete = Lee Evans (not Jim Carey, imo)
Nikki = Vanessa Feltz

any others ?

I hate you so much right now... ARGH!

Nikki. It's a shame as I prefer to hate men in general but you came and ticked all my hate boxes.

You are very talented though as we can see here (warning nekkidness)

Backing dancer for various tribute bands and tease websites (?) I'm surprised you found the time to go into the house.

The others plus added Nikki insult

Bonnie Bono ~ silly 'banned from working in any factory in the whole of Loughborough' wow
Dawn ~ she wants to 'raise her profile in the field' what field? there is no cow
George ~ drinks with the kiddy Osbournes so probably just out of very posh rehab
Glyn ~ FOOL small child new Stuart needs a slap
Grace ~ the other posho
Imogen ~ bar hostess ‘Miss Wales’ tabloid slapper
Lea ~ promising so probably first out I feel bad for calling her Jodie Marsh’s Mam now as she is obviously Pete Burns really
Lisa ~ need her to stay in please
Mikey ~ 'model' ugly sexist pig version of Vernon Kay
Nikki ~ stupid outfitted cow will end up with pig footballer who will dump her as she is a moo
Pete ~ has already achieved his wish to be a 'famous Touretter' Kate Moss rumoured to be dumping Russell Brand as we speak
Richard ~ fears pregnant women! I just fear Davina myself
Sezer ~ looks like that singer in the ‘boys will be girls’ band I wish the singer was in the house instead
Shahbaz ~ 37 unemployed for 21 years bound to be the one I like that everyone else hates this year
Kit Kat winner I HATE THEM ALREADY THE BITCH

all freaks, no geeks

The worst has happened, the tabloid reports turn out to be true, Jodie Marsh's nan et al have gone into the house.

• Bono - what language is she speaking? could BB please provide sub-titles? Her brother is called Clyde, some people should not be allowed to reproduce.
• Pete - he's in a band, he likes to dress up, oh and he's got Tourette's. It is the law that he shall always be referred to as 'Tourette's sufferer Pete'. He's the one with the hamster.
• George - hurrah, a posh one for us to hate, comprende?
• Shahbaz - I was liking the knitting and the Bay City Rollers' Jacket, I went off him when the shrieking started. And went on. And on.
• Lea - or 'Busty Lea' as it is mandatory to call her. Jodie Marsh's nan, & Pete Burns wannabe. 35 my @rse.
• Imogen - Welsh stunna etc etc. Seemed quite nice actually.
• Mikey - hates ugly people (must suffer terrible self-loathing then) and feminists. Not nice.
• Dawn - my favourite on day 1. Thinks life's depressing and doesn't want to make friends. Says "I point out people's mistakes, which I am always right about as I never lose an argument". Actually I think she's me.
• Glyn - 'North Wales' Sexiest Lifeguard'. How many lifeguards are there in N. Wales?
• Richard - compulsory outrageous gay man [insert "why do they have to ram it down our throats" gag here]
  
• Grace - another posho for us to despise, BB you are spoiling us!
• Lisa - I like Lisa based purely on Manc solidarity. If she calms down she could be good, I think.
• Sezer - loadsamoney innit
• Nikki - she can't really be like that, can she?

Quite possibly the worst batch ever (it is also the law that you have to say that about every series). Production team going all out for fights and shagging this year.

The Julien & Pete show (please?)

Julien Macdonald wasn't judging on Project Catwalk this week, instead he breeze in, verbally ripped all their designs apart and then bitched about them all to their faces. I demand to have a show all about Julien making Pete Burns' wedding dress. Possibly with Gordon Ramsey doing the cooking.

Oh and Marianne left the catwalk this week. They were supposed to design uniforms for chamber maids, but they all are pretty much incapabable of imagining clothes for normal shaped women to do normal things in. And for wannabe fashionistas, they dress really badly. I love this show cos I get to dislike everyone in it hahahahaha.

Pete's coat innocent!

No action over Burns' monkey coat

Just to clarify: Fur coats bad. Pete good.

Police test out new uniform

Police have seized a "gorilla coat" belonging to Celebrity Big Brother contestant Pete Burns. Officers from the Hertfordshire Constabulary took the coat from the Big Brother house as they were cold on Thursday after a number of complaints from viewers.

A spokeswoman for the force said: "The coat will now be tested."

Sez the beeb

Stuff

Watch Pete doing you spin me round in the house and listen to Yeah Jackie on BBLB this week. Hilarious.

The Guardianista's Guide to who's in the House

In today's Gruaniad:

The line-up: Who's in and why

• Dennis Rodman Heavily tattooed, cross-dressing former basketball player and occasional actor
• Faria Alam Model and former PA at the Football Association who left her job after being linked to former FA chief executive Mark Palios and Sven-Goran Eriksson
• George Galloway Maverick former Labour MP who founded his own anti-war party, Respect, and is MP for Bethnal Green and Bow
• Jodie Marsh Glamour model, "sexpert", anti-bullying campaigner and arch-enemy of fellow glamour model Jordan
• Maggot Rapper in Welsh comedy hip-hop outfit Goldie Lookin' Chain
• Michael Barrymore Comedian and presenter who fell from grace when a man drowned in his swimming pool after a party
• Pete Burns Surgically enhanced Liverpudlian singer of the 1980s band Dead or Alive
• Chantelle The show's token non-celeb will have to convince her housemates that she really is a celebrity, having enjoyed brief fame as part of fictional band Kandyfloss. If she fails, she will be evicted
• Samuel Preston Lead singer and guitarist of the ska-rock band The Ordinary Boys
• Rula Lenska Actor born Countess Roza-Marie Leopoldnya Lubienska. Perhaps best known for being married to actor Dennis Waterman
• Traci Bingham Actor and model, best known for her role Baywatch

Maybe some tabs later, if I can face it

blimey

that noise just then, that was the sound of me falling off the sofa when Gorgeous George entered the BB house.

Lets get the politics out of the way first of all. I was against the war too, but that don't mean I like Georgie. As Nick Cohen wrote :

Galloway bent the knee to Saddam Hussein when he flew to Baghdad and burbled: 'Sir, I salute your courage, strength and indefatigability.' ...

Galloway's kissing of the ring of a tyrant with the blood of 1.5 million people on his hands was hardly a one-off. Iraqi left wingers I know loathe him because he denounced Iraqi trade unionists as 'quislings'. The fact that their comrades are still being tortured and murdered by a Baathist and Islamist 'resistance' which retains all of the far-right's hatred of unions hasn't helped cool their tempers.

OK got that over with, now some initial randomness about t'others:

• Loving Pete Burns (tho not the close ups of his puss filled trout pout eeewwwwww) and Maggot.
• I bet Toni writes her name with a O or a heart dotting the 'i'.
• Dennis mate, sandals and socks, no way.
• Rula glam as a glam thing but smoking bad tsk.
• Jodie, just cos IAC worked for Jordan don't mean it's gonna work for you.
• Preston who? I've never heard of his band (I's old)
• Chantelle, too much hair. Too. Much. Hair.
• Barrymore always made cringe, even before all that unpleasantness a couple of years back
• Faria, I don't think The Farm did much for Rebecca Loos, what makes you think BB's going to do owt for your 'career'?

A whole pound on Jocelyn Jee Esien please

William Hill Celebrity Big Brother Winner 3/1 Johnny Vegas, 4/1 Liza Tarbuck, 5/1 Jimmy Tarbuck, 6/1 Boy George, 7/1 Michael Barrymore, 8/1 Derek Acorah, 8/1 Shane Macgowan, 8/1 Esther Rantzen, 9/1 Fariah Alam, 9/1 Pete Burns, 9/1 Dennis Rodman, 10/1 Gillian McKeith, 10/1 Joan Rivers, 10/1 Anna Nicole Smith, 12/1 Jocelyn Jee Esien, 12/1 Brian Harvey. (Non Runner No Bet.)

One day to go, good job Derren Brown is on tonight to occupy me.

Celeb BB Rumours!

Pete Burns ~ Dead or alive hurrah
Liza Tarbuck ~ Linda Green
Jimmy Tarbuck ~ Linda Greens Dad
Derek Accorah ~ He sees dead people
Johnny Vegas ~ Fat, drunk and Northern, is he my twin?
Michael Barrymore ~ As the tabloids put it 'and there's a pool' the sickos
Macaulay Culkin ~ Can you imagine him and Johnny Vegas chatting?
Esther Rantzen ~ She's done strictly dance fever now this?
Faria Alam ~ Sven Goran Eriksson’s former lover apparently
Boy George ~ Not him and Pete surely? I think Pete is more likely
Anna Nicole Smith ~ I see a Pete and Anna double act
Gillian McKeith ~ 'Dr'

Hurry up Thursday.