some of my best friends ...

Jo, when you are accused of racism, coming out with the "some of my best friends are black" line is up there with "I'm not racist but". So what if some of your relatives are half-Asian or whatever it was she said. Some of my relatives are Tories, that doesn't mean I don't hate Tories with a passion and wouldn't bully them mercilessly if locked in a house with them for several weeks. I did so enjoy watching her face as she realised her "career" was fecked. Bring on Danielle!

Celebrity Fame Academy

Woo hoo! Back in March. I hope there is live streaming. I hope a lot that there's live streaming.

People confirmed

Tara Palmer-Tomkinson
Shaun Williamson (it'll be like Night Fever all again)
Linda Robson

That's all I know so far.

In BB news... voting cockup all votes cancelled open again tonight.

Saint H

Stop being so nice! A task to win a treat for each other. Look at what H/Ian won.

Cleo won Ian's treat; a donation to his chosen charity.

You're in the BB house, ask for a giant inflatable dog or something a bit more interesting. At least get something you could share like chocolate.

Lucy is a freak

I've just seen Shipwrecked. I do like Terri, but Lucy...

Lucy is fresh from boarding school and has strong opinions on everything from nuclear war to cake decorating.

I'm sure her parents are overjoyed she's the new Jade.

Describing herself as a "traditional girl" with "traditional values" the 18-year-old from York shocked fellow participants in the first show of the series by saying that black people were "like, really bad".

Lorenzo is apparently one of the blokes who were thrown off Coach Trip last year for 'partying' in the early hours one morning. I remember that, Brendan was outraged!

Blimey!

But still they don't mind making money out of her...

I'm not racist but ...

Hearing someone say those words tells you all you need to know.

Funny that

Danielle being given a list including 'don't be racist' by her agent before she went in. What sort of person has to be reminded of that? A racist perhaps? Jade is a bully that we already know, we've seen it on BB3 and Back to Reality, why is anyone surprised? In last years BB terms Jade = Grace, Danielle = Lisa, Jo = Imogen. I think it's amusing as recent as Monday Dermot was asking on Big Brain if Shilpa had brought this on herself! It's AshAleeeen all over again, except with more media as it's celeb BB and the R word.

No crowd tonight... booooooooooooooooooo! I think no booing and no crowd would upset Jade more than booing so maybe that's good. Just a shame Danielle won't be able to hear the boos. I blame Danielle for everything, she's just the most two faced person ever. In my humble opinion!

not watching?

So Big Brother? I'm not sure what to make of all this furor going on in the media with this racist business. To be honest I wasn't sure I even cared. Come on, this is a TV programme. Semi known people trying to raise their profile by the use of a popular TV show.
I dislike Jade Goody. I just know that if she was in the same room as me I'd have to leave. Why? because she's too stupid to know she's stupid. But some people obviously find something in her that's entertaining so they watch her.
The night her and her vacuous family were shoehorned into the BB house with Davina gurning and squeaking excitedly "Our Jade's back" was a sad TV moment. What ever happened to the BB I knew and loved. The social experiment. Putting strangers in a house together and watch them integrate? Celeb BB was fun. You can't keep on a front for days on end so we got to see something of the TRUE celeb personality. But we all know Jade's true persona. It's been there for all to see. It's not racism but ignorance.
I was however extremely disturbed to find one of my very own children siding initially with Jade and her 'Mean Girls' gang. She said "I hate Shilpa" Why? Only after a lot of heated discussion and questioning did I get out of her that she disliked her laugh and way she held herself. On careful examination of the whole affair she agreed that it was wrong to be so vehement about someone because of the way they walked, talked and laughed. When Shilpa cried she said "Cry me a river Shilpa" I was horrified. When someone cries we go to them, ask them what's wrong. Care about stuff and try to sort it out. I want to feel that I am a champion against injustice and my kids follow me. Stand up for the meek and mild. Be brave and bold and don't follow the crowd. It's been a learning curve and to her credit she now from her own free will and observation can see what went wrong and that the trio of Mean Girls really are just that... MEAN.
The BB house lacks back bone in any form. H from Steps can see what's wrong but can't do anything about it. Jermaine is a love poet of uselessness. Dirk doesn't really care. Wants to get home to his urinal. Cleo is really poor in my estimation. She quite obviously doesn't like Shilpa but she pretends to. She sits on the picket fence so tightly its a wonder she doesn't get splinters.
And the three mean girls have regressed to the age of 10 giggling and patting each other on the back for the 'clever' things they say.
Entertainment? Bring back Jackie Stallone.........

and now, parliamentary news

Big Brother remains the key political issue of the day. Pah to such trivia as war, corruption, storms, global warming, etc.

• Gordon Brown's trip to India has been rather overshadowed by ShilpaGate. Hmmm, is that ths sound of spinning I hear? Surely no-one in the government would want to deprive the Chancellor of publicity? Have I just watched one too many episodes of "The Thick of It"?

• David Milliband sez 'Jade out'.

• Reasons to hate the Baddies #284: they made me agree with a Tory leader.

On a happier note, Lembit and Gabriela have been welcoming 'Hello' readers to their beautiful home.

No more Mowbli

Hurrah!

Carphone Warehouse has suspended sponsorship of Celebrity Big Brother following allegations of racism toward actress Shilpa Shetty on the C4 show. The company said its sponsorship would be removed from the current series "with immediate effect".

Rumoured new housemates... (god when will this torture end?) That idiot bloke from Paparazzi (Darryn Lyons) who I hate! And Mark Bosnich...

vote with your remote

I've pretty much given up watching CBB now. Now it so happens I gave up on CBB before the whole Shilpagate thing blew up (tho' it was brewing), because I just didn't like The Goodies and all the stoopid twists. But I'm not going to start watching again to see what's going on. Unlike everyone else, as an extra million or so people are tuning in to see racism live on their tellyboxes. People, listen up, the only language telly execs understand is the off button. The more you watch, the more they can charge for advertising and the happier they are (and the bigger their bonuses). Don't like what's going on? Don't watch. It'll make more difference than all the controversy and phone-ins (2 this week on 5Live!) and headlines and Ofcom complaints and Carol Malone / Derek Lord interviews.

Oh go on

Show them the front covers when they get out Davina.

I bet

Ofcom dread BB starting nowadays. 4,500 complaints and rising.

I wish

Endemol would clear this up. If it's being reported around the world I think they should say what Jack said that was bleeped out.

Well done Dave Gorman

Calling Jackiey borderline racist much to Dermot's displeasure on BBLB. The spirit of Saskia is alive in the BB house once more with Jade and Danielle (and Jo boo).

In better news the Steps tribute task looks hilarious.

I feel like I've gone back in time

I HATE Jade. I also hate Danielle and Jack. I hope Teddy dumps her. I hope Shilpa wins. The booing of her last night followed by the 'row' made me want to thump them all.

Urgh

Danielle saying her and Jade were best mates when Jade had said previously that they'd met three times. Someone is lying. That row between Shilpa and Jade and Danielle it was so rubbish and convenient for BB as there seemed to be 5 - 10 mins to fill! Like Jade has been told to start fighting... Leo's walking is the best bit of the series it was hilarious. Not so funny Jade and her toyboy in bed shown on BBBM. EWW EWW EWW EWW I may be scarred for life.

I think even I'm bored of BB now...

'Citing

Look what I just ordered from t'library.

By the time it comes I will have no interest.

Another one

Leo has gone! On the tv it says he 'escaped'. What will happen now with the eviction? Ooh...

Julien's back!

Being a fickle cow with a short attention span, I am bored of CBB now. Actually I'm bored of all the stoopid twisty turny things they do to make it 'better' and I'm way bored of Jade et al. But most of all I'm scared of the amount of time the feckin show takes up these days. To do it justice you have to do BBLB (half an hour), the highlights show (1 hour) and BBBM (half an hour). That's 2 hours a day commitment even before you add in the live coverage available to a work-at-home digibox owning gal. What I'm trying to say is, I'm too much of a lightweight to give CBB the attention it deserves.

So hurrah for return of Project Catwalk, one hour a week max of The Joy of Bitching masterclass. Very silly task last night, tho: make a dress for TPT out of some other dress. Christine got the push, but it should've been Tymoor for making a bad dress and having a ludicrous name. Ludicrous names are over-represented on the show, although normally named Fetish Designer of the Year Wayne won with a dress that showed the model's @rse. I think Monica's dress was bestest meself.

Note to Sky tho, finishing your PC2 site before the show launches would be good, as 'undefined' splashed all over your webpage is so not a good look. Oh and also de-red-eyeing people's photos, that would be good too. Maybe even employing a photographer to take the pics to avoid red-eye (cos hey it's so hard to find one in fashionland). Where's our attention to detail, people? Julien would be apalled.

In other news: my 7 year old can barely contain himself now he's started seeing trailers for the return of Dancing on Ice.

Next!

Carole, Dirk and Leo up for eviction for tomorrow. I'm sure Dirk is safe enough. You'd expect Carole to go but Leo has annoyed everyone it could be him. I hope it is. Malone hasn't suffered enough for me yet.

Why isn't Jack up? Has everyone forgotten he's there? I did hear him speak last night so he is alive. Jackiey's eviction interview was awful. Really awful I just wanted it to stop. I didn't quite understand the full horror of what it would be like to live with her until it happened. Her swimming cossie was possibly the highlight of the series though.

I feel the need to rate the housemates

Cleo Rocos - number one, TPT on BBLB complete madness as usual
Dirk Benedict - he should marry Cleo
Ian 'H' Watkins - I love Steps, pregnant Claire on BBLB aww...
Jo O'Meara - and S Club
Shilpa Shetty - I think me and Shilpa are over
Jermaine Jackson - I quite like
Danielle Lloyd - model can only get an old footballer
Leo Sayer - I don't like him but the whole thing is funny
Jade - Jade
Jack - pretty
Carol Malone - cow

If you can't take the Heat ...

... stay off of the Buzzcocks. Silly old Preston stormed off Buzzcocks in a huff cos the mop-headed one took the pish out of Chantelle. D'oh (1) Chantelle's 'career' is built on her nice-but-dim image. D'oh (2) have you not seen the show on the tellybox Preston? The host's job is to mock the contestants. Happens every week. Not nice to have your wife mocked, I know, but if you don't like don't go on Buzzcocks. Oh and probably better counsel her against writing her autobiography, too.

Day 6 rate the housemates

Shilpa Shetty - promising
Cleo Rocos - yes I like her now
Dirk Benedict - beginning to be Shilpa stalker
Danielle Lloyd - hair extensions
Jo O'Meara - wishes she was at the bingo
Jackiey - marjorie dawes sherpa? shergar?
Ian 'H' Watkins - looks better with hair brushed back
Jade - the sensible one of the family
Jack - pretty
Jermaine Jackson - bemused
Carol Malone - cow
Leo Sayer - should stay mute

Just the soapstar superstar of us

How rubbish. Just like last year on 'just the two of us' some really awful woman who can't sing (this time Hannah Waterman) and some bloke who a lot of women like (this year Marti Pellow) won even though they were awful. Poor Brendan second on Love Island and second on this. I did like his and Beverley's desperation to win, made me laugh a lot.

Talking of rubbish singing competitions, 'soapstar superstar' isn't any better. I can't decide which is worse. At least on the BBC show it's just a laugh (apart from Brendan who takes everything seriously I think) on ITV they seem to think they are there to discover an actual singer!

badman

very badman. Sleeping with someone else's someone is one thing but blarting it all over the tabs for them to read when they get out of the BB house is something else. Unless it is all part of some bigger plot which Leo is in on and he'll be dueting with Donny after the show.

do you know who I am?

The 'how does Donny know Leo?' riddled solved, allegedely, by Sunday Mirror which reports Danny was doing the nasty with Leo's wife. Tsk. Meanwhile Donny's mam is all worried about him. And a column by Carol tsk tsk.

In other Sunday tabs news, News of the Screws has usual 'woman enjoys sex' shock horror badman sells story cr@p

And Sunday wouldn't be Sunday without Cameron's BB thoughts in god's own newspaper, the Sunday Post.

I know I’d grab the opportunity to go back in myself if invited — if only to meet The Face!

What I reckon to the celebs so far . . .

JERMAINE JACKSON. Admits he is obsessively germ-phobic, so the producers would have been hoping for conflict with Donny Tourette whose habits were not so hygienic. Even if Don hadn’t gone, I doubt whether that would have happened. Jermaine seems too laid-back to spark confrontation. Looks perpetually bemused.

JO O’MEARA. One of my early favourites. Anyone who breeds dogs must be a good egg and I’m a pushover for a girl with a crooked front tooth. It says she’s not plastic.

IAN “H” WATKINS. “Came out” about his sexuality before going in, which was shrewd. He’ll be able to sell his story about that if nothing else when he emerges. His manic giggling is irritating, and then there was THAT joke. What do you call a three-legged mule? A wonky donkey. Puh-lease!

LEO SAYER. Very sunny disposition even when sharing a bed with a naked Donny. Why he would leave Sydney in summer for Borehamwood in January is beyond me, but I love watching him.

SHILPA SHETTY. People keep telling me this 31 year-old veteran of 50 Bollywood films actually comes from Glasgow. The Shettleston Shettys perhaps? Reportedly getting paid £345,000 for her appearance, though other sources say the top wage is £65,000.

CAROLE MALONE. Feisty old bird who claims to be 47. I have my doubts. If the redoubtable columnist finds a worthy sparring partner she’ll be a great-value housemate and I’d like to see her go the distance.

KEN RUSSELL. Approaching 80, he’s the combined ages of Danielle, Jade and Jo — with some to spare. Has the capacity to be cantankerous and earthy.

DANIELLE LLOYD. Seems to be “doing a Jodie Marsh”, saying she is in the house so people can “see the real me”. Let’s hope the WAG makes less of a pig’s ear of it than Miss Nose-job. Apparently has an A level in Chemistry and wanted to go into forensic science. Too bad “Forensics” isn’t a designer shop.

DIRK BENEDICT. Has gone in with a healthy self-deprecating attitude — and I loved his arrival in an armoured van. Even so, I’m still not sure why they have all these Americans in the house.

CLEO ROCOS. She reminds me of a nicer-natured Ruby Wax. Describes herself as a “happy doodle on God’s telephone pad”, which says it all.

Well, tarra for noo!

Tarra Cam and if ever in doubt, remember WWFSMD?


Non-BB news: Project Catwalk starts on Sky 1 tomorrow but I got no evil Murdoch-vision on my tellybox so yay for Sky 3 where Kelly will be in all her glory on Thursday at 9.

Next out

It's very bad news, Ken has gone. Boooooooooooo. Jade's grandparents are popping in for dinner tonight... I expect Carole Malone to stage a Antony Worrall Thompson I'm a celeb type protest soon.

Donny gonny

Donny has gone. Now can I pretend I never saw him in the first place please?

Carol Malone is head butler the right thing for someone who spends their life looking down on other people and being a silly cow. Ahem. Still don't like her. She will pay for her crimes against Anne Diamond on Celebrity Fit Club the big bully.

Miss Liverpool is a peasant. That's her job role not my opinion.

Jade's boyfriend is rather attractive. Which disturbs me.

work it baby

Poor Ken's not getting much of a rest. Leo's been pitching his film ideas at him and H has been asking for acting advice. At least Film4 are showing Women in Love, give the old codge a few coppers in the pension fund.

Mrs Teddy Sheringham

Miss Liverpool is screeching about her shoes. I think she thinks if she's evicted (they've packed their bags and fake crowd noises are being played) Carol and Cleo will prance around in them and stretch them as she is obviously the only woman ever to have posh shoes. I mean how could they possibly have posh shoes they don't date a footballer do they?

Day 3 rankings by me (subject to change by the hour)

Dirk Benedict < I quite like
Ken Russell < like lots I like Ken n Dirks chats
Jo O'Meara < don't stop moving to the funky funky beat

top 3 by a mile then the others

Ian 'H' Watkins < needs Pete Waterman in the house
Danielle Lloyd < shoes n bags n stuff
Shilpa Shetty < quite above all this kerfuffle
Leo Sayer < I'm unsure I'm just glad someone gave poor Jo a bed
Cleo Rocos < new Rula Lenska I think I'm just jealous of her face
Carol Malone < cow
Jermaine Jackson < boring
Donny Tourette < hideous posh berk

Jade and Jackiey and co

I think I'm going to hate Jade's boyfriend. What a surprise! Maybe he'll hit someone... Sez in The Mirror

He is also on bail until March 7 after being arrested on suspicion of assaulting a 16-year-old teenager.

It's all a bit 'Back To Reality' I liked that programme. I was recently AHEM reading Jade's book (shush) which brought it all back, she fell out with Jeff just before going into the BTR house and then Jeff turned up after a few days then Jade was rushed to hospital and she was pregnant... In other news... Cleo is friends with 'Dr' McKeith. Booooooooooo. I don't like Cleo, helping out the posh pretend punk is a bad thing.

good lord

My jaw is still dropped from the appearance of Ken 'hatstand' Russell on CBB. Mad as a box of frogs, hopefully. Here's hoping he shows Donny the true meaning of crazee, as his rock-god posturings are so last century. And his hair is very bad.

Meanwhile in the great "Steps vs S-Club" debate, I am in the S-Club camp. I always loved "Reach for the stars".

Unlike most other people, I have quite high hopes of this CBB. Maybe it's me age. Cleo Rochas (I remembers her on Kenny Everett), Leo Sayer (his was one of the 3 albums my parents owned that dated from after 1965), Jermaine Jackson. And Ken (I am apparantly one of the few people who's watched any of his films apart from Tommy).

Not looking forward to the arrival of the Goodys tonight tho. I'd much rather it was the other Goodies, a day in the black pudding mines would be a great task.

No surprises

For me due to the list being posted at digi spy. They don't seem to care nowadays about the names leaking.

The housemates

Carol Malone - evil Sunday Mirror/celeb fit club cow
Jo O'Meara - nice one from S Club bit like Kathy Beale from EE. Jo to win!
Cleo Rocos - crazy laydee from Kenny Everett
Dirk Benedict - bloke from A Team apparently
Danielle Lloyd - 5th rate Abigail Clancy (it should of been The Clancy)
Shilpa Shetty - 'Bollywood hottie' I really have no idea pretty laydee probably takes no nonsense
Ian Watkins - H from Steps yay. H to win!
Donny Tourette - someone teenagers like probably, 5th rate Kitten
Jermaine Jackson - Not Tito Jackson he's on just the two of us on BBC1 (Brendan to win!)
Leo Sayer - Crazy haired 70s pop person
Ken Russell - Mad mad mad. Ken to win!


But no Paul Michael Glazer booooooo. I wanted Marilyn badly but instead I got the evil Carole Malone. My main problem at the mo is hearing the name 'Donny' and wondering who the feck that is. Oh and 'Ian' he'll always be 'H' to me. I was glad to hear Ken Russell had been parading in the nude already. Ha ha! I need to know how Leo knows Donny maybe he's his real Dad and Tricia will pop up on day 5 to reveal the truth...

Jade

and all her family including (quite probably) irritating boyfriend are to be in celeb big brother sez The Sun.

Jackiey (and her new face) to win!

News of the world sez

For celebrity big brother...

Robert Kilroy Silk ~ ha ha yes please

Paul Michael-Glaser ~ blimey YES PLEASE I did have rather a crush as a small child

Lauren Harries ~ no god not again wasn't 'trust me I'm a beauty therapist' enough

Justin Hawkins ~ no ta

Shilpa Shetty ~ 'Bollywood hottie' I have no idea

Dirk Benedict ~ I keep think he's a porn star but apparently in the A Team

England Cricketer Wins Something Shocker

Mark Ramprakash won 'Strictly Come Dancing' . Tonight's was the only one I've watched, and only then because my son was quite interested in the programme that was 'like dancing on ice without ice'.

I hope they get Shane to do the next series, I would definitely watch that.

Today I saw my first Celeb BB trailer. Starts Jan 3rd. Hmmmmmmm ...

Oh and the Lembit/Gabriela story just gets better and better. Entertainment news story of the year, undoubtedly. Awards should be awarded for getting the Cheeky Song on Newsnight. In his honour I am giving him a tag all of his own (oh yes we are all beta-ed up and labeltastic now).

he just can't get enough

That Lembit Opik, eh? No sooner has he split up with one reality teevee star than he's touching the bum of another.

Things I need to know: after her 'triumph' on IAC extra, is Kelly still on for the Project Catwalk gig? Fashion has no mercy, after all

Ex factor ho ho

I'm looking forward to the X Factor final tonight to see just how rubbish and long drawn out it is possible to make a programme. Hopefully Take That will be singing with Leona and rubbish Westlife with rubbish Ray.

I am happy that Strictly's final is next week so no big clash (I'd always choose Strictly over XF though).

On another note Unanimous finally limped to an end with Sian ('young Mum') grabbing the hundred thousand and a bit that was left.

The winner

Ha ha Matt won. I'm happy about that result. No Phina at the final and Faith back in Britain being annoying on the extra shows. Toby desperately trying to get into shot at the end, an arm around Matt and Myleene just to be safe. I thought Jason's last trial was horrible, Matt's pointless and Myleene's good, you can never have enough cheesy pop on tv. I still can't believe she is 9 stone though, did I hear that right on the scale day? She's much thinner than the HearSay days and she wasn't big then.

No Eton Road tonight. BAD X Factor. They would of been good for Barry Manilow week! Hopefully Ray will go or smug Ben...

Vote Matt

Jason, Myleene and Matt left. I'm afraid (and surprised) I now like a (thankfully ex) member of Busted. How did that happen? I wouldn't mind Myleene winning but VOTE MATT...

Rumours

First Adam Ant is rumoured for Celeb Big Brother (well he has got a book out) and now... Marc Almond... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO don't do it Marc. I'd have to watch 24 hours a day and tape it all. I couldn't cope. I'm sure they are just plucking 80's icons out of a hat now. It will not happen. It must not happen. Any other 80's type is free to make a fool of themselves but not Marc.

IAC...

When I saw they had a spelling test on IACGMOOH I said that they'll be getting out the scales next as they do both on Love Island (R.I.P) and they did!

I'm a bit bored of IAC too but the task yesterday was good. I'm sick of David Guest being a sexist git and all the Jan 'omg she's old but she said she'd take her clothes off omg ha ha ha ha' on all of the IAC programes. It is tedious.

bored now

Is it just me or has IAC gone all dull now? maybe I am not paying enough attention (eg turned over to watch Gordo swearing at people last night) but then why am I not paying attention? because it's dull. Go on Jason, go ape with a machete. Still at least Aung San Suu Kyi Malandra got evicted last night hah.

the struggle is her life

Malandra to Deano, on entering 'The Jungle Pit':- "makes you think about Nelson Mandela and people like that doesn't it". She should've been evicted last night just for that.

Boooooooooooooo

Eton Road out. I'm sure last week they said there was no judges vote this week. FIX! Good to see smug boring Ben in the bottom two. HA HA! That lion king song is a boring song they should of done another Abba song, sparkly is the way forward for Eton Road. I expect their recording career (I will itune their first single that'll make up for my non voting) to go the Girls Aloud road as in one good song then one boring cover.

Over on Strictly, Brendan and Clare went. I missed most of their dance as I was busy singing along to the song they were dancing to... I love to love Tina Charles good choice. I think Len needs to go, his grumpy old man with double-entendres act is getting boring. Craig and Arlene are still my fave judges and it annoys me when Len interrupts. I loved the male professionals dancing with The Aloud and the shot of Darren with glasses on. Me like! Strictly is mostly about stalking Darren and Lilia to me.

IACGMOOH - Faith out. I'm very glad she's gone out before Jan.

Only Gay In The Camp Evicted

Hurrah, I read in the papers that Scott got evicted last night. Good riddance to bad rubbish hah.

about last night

Missed tonight's show (bloody Life getting in the way) but Thursday night's rocked. Did I not like Scott's friend on the ITV2 show last night. What did he think about Scott being in the bottom 2? "well it would've been the first time I've known him to be on the bottom." And what of Scott's claustrophobia? "It doesn't affect him in cubicles". Ick.

Methinks Scott and his maters belong to the nasty misogynistic branch of gayness, and his friend is just vile. Scott's upset at the return of the women to camp was not nice either. Bad Man.

Meanwhile David Gest is genius. Quite clearly Not A Gay, he put on a concert party in the jungle. And let Jan sing. Ho ho ho.

Jason is fascinating me most, tho. He seems to be going into some kind of reverie. I fully expect him to terminate with extreme prejudice the nexxt person to sing excerpts from 'Joseph', then lope off into the jungle and disappear, living on raw bush tucker and carrying out guerilla attacks on future IAC camps, eventually being persuaded to surrender in 30 years time.

Devastated

The evil itv have scrapped Love Island.

The second series was hit by a series of departures and a fight between former Hollyoaks star Lee Otway and dancer Brendan Cole.

Yes that was good. I liked that. What's not to like about that?

Well done Phina

For all sorts of reasons but for being responsible for a useless boy man leaving first especially.

Shame it wasn't Matt but Toby was a bit rubbish anyway (as in wasn't featured much). I was slightly surprised Scott wasn't in the bottom two, my faith in the voting public has been restored as I thought they'd kick the troublemakers out. I thought they only had fireworks etc for the winner? It's a bit much for the first LOSER out.

I see at digi spy at least one person was confused if the voting was to stay or go... I didn't think that was stated that clearly and that the eviction was that night. Clear as mud itv.

I hope Phina stays tonight she must get more votes than Malandra surely? It just seems 100% improved when they are actually kicking people out, like the show has properly started. Even the itv2 show was ok!

Tonight's trial is being done (I think) by Jason, Matt and Malandra.

I hope the girls women win immunity

The boys men are obviously too stupid to cope in a fake jungle as seen by their celebrity chest answers two days running. My favourite thing of the last celebrity chests have been the 'WHOOOOO?' remarks when they have seen the little pics of celebs that come with the chests (Jeff 'I am rubbish' Brazier and Torvill and Dean in this case).

I need Phina to stay in please.

I see Kelly is still on itv2... hmph. Itv2 should be abolished I've decided (except when it shows American Idol oh and the Xtra Factor maybe).

blog your way into the BB house

You'll soon be able to audition for Big Brother without leaving your bedroom, as C4 make e4.com into the new myspace. And the rest of us can point, laff and vote (clicking the vote button will presumably cost 50p plus standard network rate)

one week in

I have to admit to really loving this series of I'm A Celeb. Putting David Gest in there was pure genius and the mix of celebs is just right. Jan's snake trial last night was really good. Watching her face her fears with Jason (love him) giving her helpful cheerful encouragement "He's only coming to say hello!" was good TV. And the camp's reaction to her constantly going on about it was funny.... Well, she does go on and on and on......
But why are the public voting for her all the time. I want to see Matt and Toby and Myleene do something. Jan is not going to cope with those evil looking ostriches.
Wonder if the bug eating trial is happening this time. I hate it and personally (being a virtual vegetarian) think it's cruel. I am not particularly liking or gelling with Faith (she's dull) Phina (she's a bitch) and Lauren is okish but she really thinks she's all that and more.
No favs to win ATM . No one stands out yet. Hope it's not a one horse race though and the teeny voters haven't got their fingers twitching on Matt (though I like him)

public service blogging

I'm glad to see our blog is helping googlers find the answers to some of life's eternal questions eg why Mark not Brendan on ITV2? where is brendan burns itv2? who is david guest married to? and who sang too many broken hearts?. Always happy to be of service - as our mission statement says, we watch so you don't have to.

I'm a Survivor get me out of here (and into another camp)

IAC morphs into Sleb Survivor as the slebs are split into two camps tonight; the camps will compete against each other for food and immunity from eviction.

a woman after our own heart

Kathryn Flett, The Observer's tv reviewer, she loves the jungle too.

Perhaps it's the cheque, but the more you think about it the more seductive it all sounds ... Australia in November, a few days in the Versace Hotel, a chance to get back on the telly without having to wear spangly shoulder pads ... whatever. So off you go to take your place alongside the freaks and the has-beens, the sweethearts and the wannabes. And within two or three days of reappearing on our screens, what happens? The entire nation loathes you!

Hats off to Jan - that takes some doing.
....
what with Jason Donovan and (the charming, likeable, modest, hopelessly insecure) David Gest as new best friends, numerous sightings of Myleene Klass in a bikini (allegedly of interest to some) and Thursday night's semi-heroic (we take our 'heroes' where we find them these days) entrance of Dean Gaffney into the jungle, after surviving the most vile bushtucker trial yet devised, this is shaping up to be the finest I'm a Celebrity ... yet. Isn't telly great!

headline of the week

well done Sunday Mail subs with I'M A CELEB GET IT OUT OF REAR

CELEB star Jason Donovan suffered a jungle trial of his own yesterday - when a cockroach crawled up his bum.

Doctors rushed into camp with tweezers to help the ex-Neighbours actor after he failed to dislodge the bug.

All the news!

First, Kelly's out

Kelly Osbourne is to be axed from ITV2's I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! spin-off show.

The 22-year-old has apparently failed to impress producers with her diva-like demands on set and "wooden" on-screen performance.

The news comes just days after comic Brendan Burns was ditched by bosses.

I read (didn't see it last night) Jeff Brazier is the new emergency itv2 co presenter in Oz. Is that it? Jeff Brazier on his own now? I'm loving all this swapping presenters itv2 malarky it's more entertaining than any of the show.

Bottom two traumas

FFS Eton Road and Robert in the bottom two on the X Factor what a bizarro world it is with the Maccy D's and Ray having people actually spend money to vote for them to stay in. I'm glad Eton Road got to stay but poor Robert. I'm still hoping for an actual Eton Road career outside of the X Factor. Anthony is in the notw in a story which explains the extreme thinness of the auditions and bootcamp stages.

Darren Bennett (and Emma) in the bottom two on SCD I think the voters must be sick of some of the judges Spice worship. Schmeichel (and Erin) out, I liked the shot of his son last week in pain at his Dad's dancing.

In IACGMOOH news Jan is in a tabloid wife swap shocker!!!!!!!! Ahem. In the sunday mirror.

Celebrity star Jan Leeming ditched her husband to wed a Red Arrows flying ace in a real-life wife-swap.

In a bizarre twist, the husband she walked out on then married the RAF pilot’s wife.

In an exclusive interview, he said: “I wasn’t exactly a happy bunny.

That's not bizarre. I repeat, people voting for the Macs and Ray in X Factor is bizarre...

I do watch some rubbish genius shows

Including watching Steve Strange breaking the world record for the number of heads shaved in an hour. I may have watched most of the hour as well...

I'm so annoyed at channel 4 moving Unanimous without informing me. Grrrrrrr. I ended up recording an hour of The Simpsons instead. Hmph!

Never mind Eton Rd are doing Scissor Sisters tonight. Woo hoo! I'm easily pleased.

I hope the rumours of Paula Hamilton (ex model and Britain's Next Top Model bitch judge) on IACGMOOH are true. They probably aren't but I can hope. When is this second camp happening anyway?

you are live on teevee, please do not sing

Poor Jan must've failed to make the short list for "the two of us" and "sleb fame academy". No wonder with her voice but she doesn't need to inflict it on us from the jungle. and Bad David for encouraging her.

Highlights of the past 24 hours

Obviously Dean Gaffney but also

Tandy Andy Anderson's annoyed face when Marianne went out of MMAS.

Luke whooping when Marianne went out of MMAS (yes you're glad to be still there but you could look a bit sad at your 'girlfriend' going.

Tandy Andy Anderson's glee when Jen went out.

Lee Stafford's reaction on Celebrity Scissorhands when Michele Gayle said she and Steve Strange used to date...

Lee Stafford on CS claiming he was no way gay by saying he didn't understand how a man could prefer a woman... !!!!

Steve Strange on CS cutting a woman's hair by about 3 feet more than she wanted.

The beauty 'guru' woman on CS vomiting after seeing some poor woman's feet then drama queening and insisting she couldn't carry on.

I'm going to miss Steve Strange on my telly.

And my fave thing of the past day

Mark Durden Smith returning to IACGMOOH on itv2 'WTF?!' Was my reaction then cheering and whooping.

HOST Brendan Burns has been dumped by bosses who feared his behind-the-scenes ITV2 show was struggling.

Former presenter Mark Durden-Smith has been called back to save the day. An insider said: "Bosses begged Mark to come back. Everyone's wishing they'd never got rid of him."

I was glad the itv2 show was changing as last year it was a bit rubbish (but then Durdo was away waiting for his twins to be born) but getting rid of Durdo seemed wrong and I am v glad he's back.

Now we just need Kelly Osbourne to leave.

let's twist again

Dean Gaffney. Best bushtucker trial ever (best I've watched this series anyways). Twist it Dean twist it! Him joining the cast is a very promising development.

Over on 5, what a travesty was the finale of MMAS. Albert my @arse. How could the only man who was not plug ugly (ie Luke) get defeated by Mr Pretty Vacant? And I know Jude disagrees with me but for Jen to come above Marianne and Sunnait also a travesty. I did like how when all the beaten ones came back for a line up, hardly any of them could raise more than a bitter scowl. Except Waz was jumping about and whooping it up like a BigBrother contestant. Twunt. Also his top was very very bad.

MMAS Scheduling Alert

OMG I nearly missed the finale of MMAS! Haven't watched for a few days and assumed the finale was on Friday but no, tis tonight. Make a note, boys and girls, tonight at 8.30 on 5. Be there (or be watching IAC. Or be at pilates. What-evva).

that's not a snake David

I agree with Jude. Who'd have thought the entertainment last night would be David Gest? Crikey this has a twang of Ron Jeremy in The Farm.
He's just so funny. He doesn't even have to try. How about the line "I used to go to Michael Jackson's House all the time and play with all the various snakes"
Hmmm
The gay designer Scott is going to be one to watch. Yesterday his "every man for himself" attitude at wanting to leave David and that Phina creature (who is she?) in the water was brilliant.
I can't wait for him to do a trial. They won't eat a thing that night.
I'm not liking Faith or Phina the rest can stay.

David to win! Maybe...

Who'd of thought David Gest would be the normal one? Or is that just me? I don't quite understand 'She's got her head in her vagina' (or some variation of that) but it was an interesting first programme quote!

Other good DG things include calling Lauren Booth 'Cherie' at all times. I like Lauren Booth being saved from a spider by Myleene Klass but that hasn't happened yet on the main bit as I have a time travel machine it was on the teatime extra programme.

The new ITV2 show is quite rubbish. But it had some people from Big Brother's Big Mouth on it which was amusing. Don't just rip off another programme, steal the people off it as well!

ready, steady, jungle

All systems go at 9pm tonight for the latest IACGMOOH. I would normally celebrate with cava & nuts but having discovered I'm heavier than Mrs Gest, I will be sticking to green tea and snackajacks.

How very dare they

Call Brendan a Z lister.

HAS Abi Tit - muss lost her mind? The nurse-turned-wannabe actress pulled out of I'm A Celebrity days before she was due to jet to Australia...after becoming besotted with Come Dancing star Brendan Cole.

I wished she was on IACGMOOH I'm not loving the list that are on and I don't expect David Gest to last very long... I'm not sure I want to see him anyway. I don't like Matt Willis either and I will not change my mind (I might).

On to the weekend...

The wrong Ray went out of reality tv land. Ray SCD not Ray XF. Nikitti's out of X Factor even though people had a chance to kick out annoying Ray. Idiots. I don't believe for a second Simon Cowell was ever going to kick out Ray. The SCD Ray going I blame entirely on reports he is dating Elle McPherson, I'm not voting for someone who's dating a supermodel. Ok I'm not voting at all but especially not for that.

Jen is still in make me a supermodel HA HA HA.

The High Court Judge's Guide to the new IACGMOOH cast

from left to right¹

Matt Willis
was in popular beat combo Busted, now 'pursuing a solo career' hem hem. Proved his sleb credentials by going to the Priory (then left two weeks later after deciding he didn't really have a drink problem after all). Official website borken but he is so down with the kids his record company have made a myspace page for him

Phina Oruche
actress off “Footballers' Wives”, Wikipedia doesn't know about her. Very bonny lass but probably wants to lay off the lipgloss a bit in the jungle.





David Gest
“yeaaah, David”, this year's Jackie
Was married to Liza Minelli, had the worst plastic surgeon ever. TV bods worried his face might melt in da jungle.





Lauren Booth
daughter of randy scouse git, half sister of Cherie, journo & pro-celebrity smoker. This year's Carol Thatcher








Toby Anstis
aka “the Tobester” (ick) - kids' TV presenter & radio dj & dance sensation








Faith Brown
Actress & comedienne, used to appear in tv variety shows before they were abolished, once had her own chat show.













Scott Henshall
fashion designer who not even Wikipedia has heard of, designed the most expensive dress in the world











Myleene Klass
was in Popstars band Hear'say, then reinvented herself as a classical babe. Does the Classic FM breakfast show on Sunday, so the classic fm crew will be biggin her up in da jungle innit. Gets my vote if she plays some nice Chopin nocturnes on the jungle piano.





Jason Donovan
OK everyone knows who he is – Scott in Neighbours, sang “Too many broken hearts”, not a gay, Joseph.















Jan Leeming
BBC newsreader, another one you should've heard of, this year's Jenny Bond


















1. I may have got Matt & Toby the wrong way round but I'm sure Jude will be along to get things right, she have her finger on da pulse and I don't

He's bringing SexyBack to the jungle

After his dancing on the all star talent show to SexyBack quite possibly my favourite thing for many months (well on channel 5 anyway) I may have to support Toby Anstis on IACGMOOH. I hope for much dancing in the jungle.

line up announced

high court judge's guide to follow ...

I'm a sleb contestant rumours part 1

Contestants rumoured to be ...

• David Guest tho 'TV bosses' are worried about his face melting, same report has Jason "not a gay" Donovan blimey, Myleene Klass & Louise Rednapp.
• Malcom Maclaren to be latest old punk to sell out, but he's 'outraged' Myleen might be getting paid more than him
• Abi Titmus "has even pledged to strip off to spice up the show" yawn
• "A trio of ex-boyband members are battling it out for a place"
• Cherie Blair's sister, Chris "Brian Tildsley" Quenten and Paula Wilson, with this year's game old bird to be Jan Leeming.

And in presenter news, Kelly is the new Tara maybe

Over to "Make me a supermodel" .... let's not get things mixed up. Jan should go cos she's a manipulative little stirrer not because she's 'fat' shock horror a size 12 omg that's so vile etc bah.

Monday

I'm a celeb deffo on Monday it's in the radio times and everything so it must be true.

Celebrity Scissorhands live streaming still good. H from Steps was being mean to Michelle from the Apprentice which is good as she was being a bossy cow to Steve Strange. I think H from Steps was only joking though. Shame.

I think Celebrity Scissorhands works best recorded and cutting out the Alex Zane bits.

Dear BBC

Well done on the swearing on the Celebrity Scissorhands live daytime feed it's just like having Big Brother back. So far today Rowetta has given a woman a mans haircut, some naked bloke had his haircut and an annoying Scouse man was complaining about his. The first show with Alex Zane was pretty rubbish but I like the live streaming (press red and all that and it's on the net I think).

Elsewhere in busy busy reality land

Jen survived in the increasingly annoying Make Me A Supermodel. ARGH that Waz I swear he is worse than Sezer.

Ashley went out of the X Factor (the curse of Rosie Ribbons and winner takes it all).

Anton (and Jan) went from Strictly Come Dancing. Poor Anton.

I'm a celebrity ALERT

The teaser ads are on ITV1.

It may start Monday 13th November.

TPT and Mark Duerden Smith/that bloke who was on it last year have been dropped in favour of what sounds like a Big Brother's Big Mouth type show on ITV2. Actually as much as I love MDS and TPT the ITV2 show was due an axe last year let alone this one.

I hope Jasmine 'Nightmare' Lennard and Rachel 'Munter' Hunter (Jasmine's words not mine) are both on I think they have both been rumoured.

It's a shame about Ray

That he hasn't gone of course. I was quite excited about someone from Brookside being on the 'x factor' but that has definitely worn off. Two women out in the shock! (not) double eviction Dionne and Kerrie and Ashley in the bottom three (ha ha serves him right for forgetting his words). I like Leona but not as much as I like the fact that next week is ABBA WEEK! WOO! Eton Rd were rubbish I hate mack the knife.

Over on 'strictly come dancing' her from Casualty and her abusive dancing partner went. SCD should have an ABBA WEEK! WOO! as well.

Supermodel sack shocker

Guess who? Ha ha ha HA HA!

Make Me a Supermodel Extra presenter Jasmine Lennard has been sacked for insulting panel judge Rachel Hunter. Lennard, 21, dubbed Hunter "Rachel munter" on the Extra programme on Five's sister channel Five Life.

I wish I'd watched the Extra show now. In bad MMAS news James (Asda) and Kerrie (Goth) both out. I did lose the will to live through the first bit of the 90 minutes (!?!?) live eviction show yesterday but after a glass of wine it got a bit better... I liked Unanimous but the Extra show of that I turned off after a few minutes. Boring!

Unanimous

I wonder if this will be total rubbish? I forgot it was on! Now if I can't remember a reality show where someone can win a million is on then who will?

I'm more bothered if James gets kicked out of sooperdooper model tonight. Waz be gone. Please.

If I can have one wish this weekend it is Ray to get thrown out of x factor on big band week. That would be good. I hope the rumour of two going is true (that's right I want rid of both of the McDonald Bros ha).

Ridicule is nothing to be scared of

Except on reality tv. Ho ho. Adam Ant to appear on 'Celebrity Big Brother'? At last I may be able to spy on Adam Ant 24 hours a day my 12 year old self would be happy. But then is reality tv a place for 'troubled' people? I think not.

It's the weekend that means me glued to reality tv

SCD - Spoony out hurrah. Well done to judge Bruno Tonioli for saying 'the hills are alive with the sound of bullshit' before 6pm. That was the best bit. I love Bruno.

X Factor - 4sure out boo. I hate Ben. I hate Ben. I hate Ben.

On X Factor Aftermath (it's a show!) when Ben appeared they played Creep hahaha I was very happy about that. Sunday Mirror blah blah Ben sex addict blah...

Anna's suspicions were confirmed when she found love notes from Siobhan to Ben, calling herself his "beautiful Princess Mermaid of the sea".

Eww.

On make me a sooperdooper model they rather cruelly got rid of Jono aka mini Russell from Big Brothers Big Mouth. James is my fave though I liked him in his Asda uniform on the first show.

Five, you are spoiling us

Hurrah I'm back in reality teevee land with the return of Make me a supermodel - now with added Boyz! and now with added Supermodel's Big Mouth Little Brother featuring Anthony "who?" Crank and Jasmine "don't you know who I am?" Lennard and her dodgy wig collection.


And then, as if that wasn't enough excitement, during the show I see trailers for Sleb Salon! "Trust Me I'm a Beauty Therapist" Suzie Quattro gives colonic irrigation!?!?! Starts tonight at 11, crack back & sac fans

Bad night in reality land

Oh noooooooooo. Ian Waite and Mica Paris kicked off SCD shocker! I'm upset. And The Unconventionals kicked off X Factor, what a rubbish night.

People who should of been kicked off -

SCD- Woman from Casualty I've never heard of, partnered by new dancer.

X Factor - Long haired posho Ben. I know he'll probably win so it's good to get my hatred of him out from the start. Also Ray and McDonald Bros and other BOYS who were never going to go first as they are BOYS.

I liked Eton Road I'm not sure why apart from the weirdness of 3 boyband boys and one emo boy. I'm very worried about Anthony he's too thin and looks vunerable. I expect an 'X Factor runied my life' story in 6 months.

The X Factor finalists

16-24s (Simon Cowell)
Ashley
Leonna
Nikitta
Ray

The Groups (Louis Walsh)
4Sure
Eton Road
The MacDonald Brothers
The Unconventionals

Over 25s (Sharon Osbourne)
Ben
Dionne
Kerry
Robert

Our Anthony from Brookside and The Unconventionals are through. I don't think much of Sharon's group, she didn't choose Jonathan I thought he'd go on to the live bit. There really isn't anyone who seems that good. Eton Road should be amusing in the live shows I'm a bit scared of how very thin one of them is. Also scary the 16 year old Shaun who seemed anxious and oddly aggressive, when they filmed him at home his mother had exactly the same voice which made me laugh. He didn't get in thankfully.

Jamie Tinkler go home

I feel a bit sorry for Jamie Tinkler he's always auditioning for these programmes and now he seemed to be in a semi decent boyband (but no one likes boybands anymore) but then ooh we didn't know we had to tell the X factor bosses we were being managed by Ashley Tabor. That's Ashley Tabor who is on the X Factor credits...Ashley Tabor who appeared on the Xtra Factor quite a bit helping (practically managing) the Louis Walsh acts... Hmph!

Anyway double X Factor tonight we shall see if our Anthony from Brookside gets through to the live stage. I hope the Unconventionals get through I think it will amusing...then annoying in a G4 style.

I'm looking forward to SCD Even better a bloke is being kicked out tonight (then a woman next week) as long as it's not Matt the rugby or cricket bloke as he is dancing with The Lovely Lilia.

This just in

Make me a supermodel October 15th channel 5. I've never seen it before but if it's anything like Britain's next top model (and I'm assuming it's practically the same) then it just may be good and it has supplied trust me I'm a holiday rep with participants for two years so I'm assuming it has tears and tantrums in it which is always good.

I've finally seen the final of Britain's next top model I didn't really care who won but I like Lianna's hair best so good result! Abigail was second I secretly wanted Jasmia to beat her but it wasn't to be.

You don't say

Love Island Gascoigne furious with "horrible" Calum

He treated me like a princess. And then he just sh*gged me and f***ed off. I feel completely used by him. He's just a horrible womaniser who only cares about himself.

Umm he's Calum Best that's what he does isn't it? I think anyone who sleeps with Calum Best etc have had enough warning about what they do from the tabloids. You'd think so anyway.

X Factor double bill tonight. Boot camp. At last. Thank god no more auditions.

told you it should've been the Badger

Michelle Dewberry and Sir Alan have "parted company".

A source told the Sunday Mirror: "It just wasn't working out. Sir Alan and Michelle had huge hopes for the partnership when she won the hit BBC2 series. They really felt it would be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

"But it just hasn't worked out the way either side had hoped. It feels like the whole thing has been cursed. There's been one problem after another, and in the end both decided it was best to call it quits."

Very important news

Ahead of the very important Britain's Next Top Model final we have this news.

Miss Clancy's ‘people' have declared she's changed her name to Abbey so she won't be confused with that other glamour girl Abi Titmuss.

She'll always be DRUG SHAME Abigail to me.

And there's more...

IN FRONT of the cameras they are all smiles. But behind the scenes, a series of bitter rows have driven a wedge between Abigail Clancy and the other girls jostling to become Britain's Next Top Model.

All smiles on camera? Umm no!

Trust me I'm an ex butler type

Now that the model has gone hopefully we can now have some reality tv gold. Much better than some model we have a replacement in the shape of Paul Burrell. That's much better why wasn't he in it from the start?

I think the one thing TMIAHR has proved is you can never hear enough Hearsay karaoke.

do you mind?

I know I said I like Mr Rivron but I have no need whatsoever to see his todger in glorious technicolour on my telly box. I feel quite poorly.

I demand to have some jungle!

IAC new series when does it start when when when? Rumours of this year's contestants:

• token nutty American to be David Gest (Liza Minelli's bizzaro ex) ?? Same story says maybe Jasmine Lennard too? Oh yes please she was aces on TMIAHR1
• Digispy have Rachel Stevens, Danny off Emerdale, DJ Wes Butters and Hollyoaks star Gemma Atkinson.
• This year's omg wtf is *he* doing on there old punk self publicist to be Malcom Mclaren?
• Not Colin and Justin off How not to decorate

We will of course bring our 'high court judge's guide' to the contestants when the show starts.

Trust Me I'm a Holiday Rep

Ooh it's back on 5 tonight! I did enjoy last years... Jodie Marsh and that bloke from Corrie it was the romance of the century... On to this years

Lucy Rusedski (tennis WAG) and Andy Goldstein (google tells me that bloke who used to be in those annoying BB talk talk ads) present a new series of the show which follows celebrities as they spend ten days learning how to be holiday reps. Comedian and pundit Rowland Rivron; Noel Sullivan, formerly of pop band Hear'Say; heiress and 'It' girl Emma Jones (google image tells me she's blonde); celebrity chef Nancy Lam; party-loving DJ Brandon Block and model Samantha Rowley (google says she's from make me a supermodel) arrive in Crete and meet head rep Julie.

Maria over bring on the next one

Connie (good Maria) won HDYSAPL Maria. Hurrah. Siobhan (bad Maria) came third ha ha ha. Helena (bottom two Maria) came second unbelievable! I liked the names they gave all the Marias, I don't know why Connie was 'intense Maria' apart from the fact she was scary and intense! My Siobhan torment isn't over though as a 'major record company' want to talk to her about a 'major record contract'. Life is not fair.

Reality news! (apparently)

Pete has dumped Nikki apparently.

IACGMOOH is struggling for celebs apparently. Rachel Stevens (S club) and Gemma Atkinson (hollyoaks apparently?!?!) rumoured.

Lisa Mail! Abigail is still in Britain's Next Top Model. If she doesn't turn up on IACGMOOH or Celeb BB or something I will be surprised or she'll bring out a single or something. Am I the only one who goes all 'awwww' when they show the pic at the end and one fades away... it's sad like when they turn the lights out at the end of BB... anyway no talking about BNTM as I don't get to see it until days after everyone else. Only two programmes left. Lianna, Abigail, Jasmia or Amber? I do not know!

The Match! On sky three on a Friday for all us freeview losers. Mikey BB didn't make it through first round. HA HA!

Strictly Come Dancing Pics

SCD partner pics are up on the BBC website.

Rugby or cricket bloke Matt and The Lovely Lilia look slightly uncomfortable. Maybe he has realised what he's let himself in for.


Emma and The Lovely Darren look like they have been replaced by looky likeys.



Brendan looks still traumatised from Love Island. So would you if you were beaten by Calum 'one L' Best.

Strictly Come Dancing YAY!

Hurry up October. Press release with the new line-up.

Emma Bunton (Spice obv) and The Lovely Darren Bennett
Georgina Bouzova (the usual Casualty one I have never heard of) and James Jordan
Claire King (Emmerdale & Bad Girls) and Love Island loser runner up (was robbed) Brendan Cole
Louisa Lytton (Ruby Eastenders) and Vincent Simone
Mica Paris (singer and new BBC presenter) and Ian Waite
Jan Ravens (Dead Ringers) and (the laydees love him) Anton Du Beke
Carol Smillie (smiley smiley Carol Smilie) and Matthew Cutler

Matt Dawson (rugby) and The Lovely Lilia Kopylova
Ray Fearon (Nathan in Corrie) and Camilla Dallerup
Nicholas Owen (ITV News) and Nicole Cutler
Mark Ramprakash (cricket) and (digi spy forum fave) Karen Hardy
Peter Schmeichel (not dog from Corrie) and Erin Boag
DJ Spoony (DJ obv) and Aleksandra 'Ola' Jordan
Jimmy Tarbuck (Lisa's Dad) and Flavia Cacace

Previous winners - Brendan, The Lovely Darren, The Lovely Lilia. Their celebs better be good, if any of them (and Anton and Camilla and Karen) go out early I will be very annoyed.

tsk tsk tsk

Big Brother draw broke ad rules

Big Brother's Golden Ticket draw to select a new housemate breached prize promotion rules, industry watchdogs have announced.

Nestle, Channel 4 and Endemol failed to have an independent observer present when a winning number was picked, according to the Advertising Standards Authority.

Chick chick chick chick CHICKEN

I'm liking Michelle's myspace page featuring her debut single! Also featuring a main pic where she looks a lot like Nadia.

Poppy in tug of love trauma

DS:BB: Former BB lovebirds fight over pet dog

Melanie Hill and Alex Sibley are at the centre of a custody battle over their pet dog.

The former lovebirds, who appeared in BB1 and BB3 respectively, both want to keep hold of Staffordshire bull terrier Poppy following the end of their three-year relationship.

"Alex and Mel have looked after Poppy since she was a puppy and both of them love her to bits," a friend told the Sunday Mirror. "They can bear to be without each other but not the dog.

"The situation has reached a point where the only way to resolve the case is through the courts. Mel thinks Poppy's better off with her because she has a garden. Alex lives in a converted first-floor flat that doesn't have a garden."

Mel said: "I can't speak about Poppy until after the court case."

Siobhan! Siobhan! Siobhan!

She's now in the final of HDYSAPLM? having been saved by Andrew Lloyd Webber. Argh urg ARGH how annoying. Abi and Aoife went. Aoife sang Footloose when everyone else had musical type songs... And she was v good in the bottom two sing off (obviously Siobhan sang like she was dead inside) but she still went. HMM............ Fix fix FIX! The creepy judge apparently aka as 'the most powerful person in British Theatre' muttered about Siobhan and red blooded males loving her. Red bloodied males just love the sound of music I'm sure! Heterosexual men are the target audience for musicals about nuns all of a sudden! Helena is still there after being in the bottom two all the blinking time. Connie must win. She was top in the votes the first week (the only time they have said who was top) and the others have been in the bottom two so Connie must be more popular. Good.

nice day for a ...

Guy 'wrote Angels' Chambers is said to be planning to turn Pete into The Next Billy Idol. Dear deity-of-choice, wasn't one enough? My mate snogged him once (Billy Idol, not Pete) but is was the 80s and she was ver' ver' drunk.

In other news: next stop, Cat Idol and Starlight X-factor X-press

You too could be coached by Westlife

If you were in a group and umm in the X Factor this year.

ROBBIE Williams, Elton John and Westlife have been signed up to coach the X Factor finalists.

Imagine what you could learn! How to wear white! How to use stools to stop your audience nodding off! Citing!

The Sunday Mirror can also reveal who each judge will look after - Simon will handle the 16- to 25-year-olds, Louis will take the over-25s and Sharon will take care of the groups.

How do you solve a problem like Siobhan?

I give up! I guess Siobhan will win How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? The judges seem to be doing everything possible to make it happen anyway.

Graham Norton promotes the show on R&J before it starts. They show a clip of a pretty blonde woman who can sing. Richard, Judy and Graham joke that there's no point now as she will obviously win.

Show starts. Siobhan is shown and she's good. But so are others and Siobhan doesn't seem that good now.

Siobhan doesn't make the final 10.
Another person pulls out. Siobhan is in the last 10!

Week one Siobhan sings Man! I Feel Like A Woman.
Siobhan is rubbish but it's ok as she's pretty.

Week two Siobhan sings Chains.
Siobhan is rubbish but it's ok as she sang half of it on the floor.

"I'm nervous, very nervous because I've got to crawl around on the floor. This song is frustration, this is angst and arghh! I am looking forward to it, I'm just nervous."

Week three Siobhan sings Jump.
Siobhan is rubbish but it's ok she's wearing a ra-ra skirt.

Week four Siobhan sings Songbird.
Siobhan is rubbish but it's ok she's still pretty.

Week four (part two) Siobhan is unbelievably chosen from all the other Marias (who could of guessed it would be her?) to sing Truly Scrumptious with some children. Just Siobhan gets to do this. Siobhan Siobhan Siobhan Siobhan we get the point! We must pick up the phone and vote Siobhan. Having said all that she was 3rd fave to go on the BBC sites poll. So the brainwashing hasn't reached everyone yet!

don't you wish you lived in St Alban's?

if you did, you could Win Susie's Bed wooo

Bad The Donald

Tsk, Carolyn Kepcher or The American Margaret as I like to call her has gone. Trump fires Apprentice sidekick.

His new ones are apparently his children...

In BB5 news Nadia is in a spot of bother. The man involved sounds charming...