C.R.E.E.P

A nice article about the lovely Maxwell. Mwahaha.

Speaking of vapid grins, at the time of writing the Big Brother (tonight, 9.10pm, C4) house is still hopelessly infected with Maxwell - a witless droopy-eyed thug and the most despicable housemate in the programme's history. Despite single-handedly making the show impossible to sit through, in his own mind he's guaranteed a career in broadcasting the moment he leaves. Lolling around in the loft the other day, he spent several minutes confidently discussing his future media-career options with Anthony the Formica Android.

As the words "I wouldn't turn down a radio job" farted through his pukesome little blowhole, I was suddenly confronted by a terrifyingly plausible vision of the future in which Chris Moyles is suddenly only the second most gormless and insufferable prick on Radio 1. Here's a better idea: give Maxwell a job on Pimp My Ride UK. He won't take much convincing - it's a show about selfish boasting. And he can perform a valuable service by testing the cars' safety features. With Maxwell in the driving seat, I'd happily watch hour upon hour of blinged-out motors thundering headlong into ditches, walls, oncoming trains, the ocean... whatever. Provided it's fatal, I'm there. Might even help me sleep nights.