We at Reality Towers examine the natty little tune that's tipped to top our Christmas Chart this 2005.
"You know where I've come from,
(Indeed Shayne. You come from the most Chav Manchester family ever, and we've been forced, in a journalistic mode, to watch Xfactor until it's bitter end)
You know my story,
(yeah yeah)
You know why I'm standing here, tonight.
(because Westlife have hid their stools?)
Please don't go, don't be in a hurry,
(But, I need to pee)
I'm here to make it clear, make it right.
(Make my pee clear? You've have a job I drank a litre of red wine an hour ago)
Well I know I've acted foolish, but I promise you, no more.
(thank God for that... You're going to give all this singing crap up? Right?)
I've finally found that something, worth reaching for.
(The Buy one get one free Fosters on the top shelf at Co-op?)
I'm not here to say I'm sorry, I'm not here to lie to you.
(You need to apologise to my ears you fool)
I'm here to say I'm ready, that I've finally thought it through.
(I can assure you , you have NOT thought anything through, have you seen Michelle MacAnus lately?)
I'm not here to let your love go, I'm not giving up oh no.
(Oh no, oh no is quite right)
I'm here to win your heart and soul. That's my goal
(Every hole a goal Shayne)
Please don't go, you know that I need you.
(You need us to buy your crap)
I cant breath without you, live without you, be without you.
(A bit bloody extreme but I am rather delectable... True)
Well I no I've acted foolish but I promise you no more, no moore .
(Patrick Moore, or have they got these lyrics wrong?)
Well I wont stop believing that we will be leaving together.
(I won't be leaving anyplace with you. Your family look like the Manchester Mafia)
So when I say I love u I mean it for ever and ever, ever and ever.
(For ever ever ever ever? You pinched that from Miss Jackson)
I'm not here to say I'm sorry, I'm not here to say I'm sorry, I'm not here to lie to you.
I'm here to say I'm ready, that I've finally thought it through.
I'm not here to let your love go , I'm not giving up oh nooo
I'm here to win your heart and soul.
Yes I'm here to win your heart and soul.
That's my goal."
(My heart isn't some raffle prize. Damn, what awful lyrics)
So, my final words on this atrocity they call a CD? a catchy little tune. Hanging on the shirt tails of a popular reality TV show.
He'll need to do a lot more than this to be a stayer.
Like maybe? Come out as being Gay or bash a toilet stall worker and nick her lollypop? Probably best not to shag Jodie Marsh though.
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