Carefree with wellies on. Who needs sand sea sangria and Paul Danan to find love?
Tonight's Love Island was unreportable. Nothing at all happened. I think someone may have applied suntan lotion to some body part. I think they're all still breathing but apart from that zilch.
The farm ploughs on like some rusty combine Harvester. Emma B, Keith and Ron are up for nomination (does anyone actually vote?) I hope Ron doesn't go. He provides me with minutes of endless fun.
Oh dear Ron is injecting a piglet now. Not like that you filthy minded readers tsk. Oh they're so cute. Maybe Celeb Love Island needs some piglets apart from Paul?
Keith is now undressed, I'm deeply shocked as I realise he does have two arms and wears a thong. He has quite decent buttocks for an old guy with a duck.
Ron is stripped to his boxers. He's now relaxing in a bath full of red rosebuds. He falls asleep much to the amusement of Mr Thong (I'll never be able to look at him in the same way again)
They have decorated Ron (snoring like a baby) with rosebuds covering his skin. My God after the tedious Love Island...This was entertainment.
Don't forget Ron has a documentary on his porn days on TV now. Can't wait....... :/
(reported for you by Trin with no regard for her own sanity)
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