disappointing

Both the firer and the fire-ee were v. poor on last night's Apprentice. As the BraLady said on You're Fired, Shazia totally did not deserve to get fired on the strength of her performance in the task but she totally did on the her performance in the board room. She was too meek and mild, she should have been fighting her corner and telling Sir A how it was her who set up the laundry tracking system, that Jenny shouldn't've let her go if she didn't understand how to work out whose pants were whose, that it was her idea to iron at home and that they would still have lost even if the shirts weren't lost, because the team didn't get enough business and Jenny spent hours lecturing everyone instead of minutes ringing round to find out how much laundry costs. Jenny should've been fired for that, and for accepting Lindi's bizarre 24 hour pants hotline idea and Lindi's even worse asking for tips idea. I completely loved how Margaret dropped that in the board room.

As for the great Jenny - Lucinda fracas, it's very hard to work out from the edit who is really the nutter here, quite possibly both (or neither - unlikely but possible). So far I'm not liking any of them much, except possibly Simon for his experience of washing pants under fire. But I think he blew his chances of winning by saying he was the NCO to Raef's officer.

happy days are here again

Huzza! for the new series of the Apprentice wot have started last night. And huzzah for this year's bunch of tossers shaping up nicely to be an even bigger bunch of tossers than previous series. (Unfortunately I missed the first 15 mins (boo hiss) and due to the death of my laptop [minute's slience] can't watch again or watch the contestant clips on the website).

Obv Nicholas needed to get fired for being a pretentious arse and for slagging off oiks, football and salesmen in front of Sir A - I was surprised no-one on You're Fired picked up on his sneering references to salesmen. In a way it was a shame for him to go so early tho, hours more entertainment to be had from pointing and laffing at him. Oh and love those mirror shades, Nicholoas. They look particularly good in a tv studio. I was surprised he didn't walk on set of You're Fired to the strains of I fought the law¹. Cos he clearly wasn't in it for the job.

Now you'll never know what it's like to work for Sir Alan...
That's true, but I leave with a mixture of disappointment and relief. He and I are like chalk and cheese. I would feel very uncomfortable working under him. I'm far more comfortable being self employed, so my role as a barrister will be perfect.

What's next for Nicholas de Lacy-Brown?
I'm at an important point in my life, I begin pupillage, the next stage in my career as a barrister, in October, and I am showing 40 of my canvasses at my own art exhibition, to be held in Mayfair in May. I've created a special artwork called Nicholas in the Renaissance based on my experiences in The Apprentice.

Arse. Mind you Raef has fantastic tosser potential. Public schoolboy and former estate agent, what's not to hate? Tis why I love the Apprentice, it's so cathartic. Oh and would someone tell Kevin's headmaster he's bunking off school to be on tv? Good luck to Margaret with her PhD in Papyrology. We :heart: Margaret.


Project Catwalk finished last week (at least for us poor freeviewers) and obv Jasper won being as he was the only one with a real talent. Bleurgh at the milking to death of the gayer winning his family's lurve thro fashion, tho. Hahahahaha to Chelsey who after all those weeks of bitching about Viv, couldn't get her collection finished on time (good on her for using some non-stick-thin models tho). Bring on the next season of Project Runway! (and bring back Julien for next year's Catwalk).


1. Alan Patridge/Radio 4 reference there for the teenagers

Sport Relief Does The Apprentice

Blokes - Phil Tufnell (blokey) Nick Hancock (quizy) Lembit Opik MP (cheeky) and ex-Sun editor Kelvin MacKenzie (Piers Morgany).

Womenz - Kirstie Allsopp (bossy), Lisa Snowdon (modely) Clare Balding (excellent) Louise Redknapp (waggy) and Ann Summers chief Jacqueline Gold (she hates Katie Hopkins which is good enough for me.

From the BBC...

Each team will be given empty adjoining stores in London's West End and told to come up with names and stock them with items they think will make the most profit.

Sounds like Wags Boutique (R.I.P).

On the American Celeb Apprentice last week they did QVC, always a good task. Piers Morgan still in.

Sluts!

Blimey they are a load of slags in the BB USA house. I love it! You can watch it online at realitytvfan.org... which is good as my Thursdays are chocka with Catwalk and American Idol. Talking of AI woe is me they didn't put that geeky bloke (Kyle) through. Me sad. Plus the Grace Kelly bloke he should of got through.

USA BB on E4

Starting soon. I'm very much watching that... if I can fit it in to my busy catwalkmodelidol watching.

Bye Bye BBCH

I have enjoyed you! I think probably because I've always wanted stuff like bands to play in the house and celebs dropping in to happen on BB as this stuff seems to happen on other big bruvs but not ours. I'm not sure who is going to win in fact I have no clue which is good. The faves throughout have been Anthony and John but Amy is in the running... or is she... I hope so. It's hard to tell as DS like Amy and the fave there tends to come about 3rd or 4th. I don't want Anthony to win or Jezza or Nathan. I imagine Emilia can't win because she wears shorts and is gorgeous.

Jimmy Carr's highjack was genius putting them in a line and not saying what order he's put them in was ace (it was height they thought it was greediness and lots of other random things).

And bye bye Dermot... his last BBLB tonight... I'm not looking forward to Davina coming back to the live shows. Urgh.

Good luck Amy and John! 1st and 2nd would be good either way.

Roseanne Barr!

I'm slightly starstruck and surprised the housemates know who she is. Except AnTHony who was muttering about 'Roxanne from Moulin Rouge...' I can't stand to hear AnTHony speak since the Hollyoaks day when his ego exploded. I kind of 'like' Emilia sort of in an evil way but I hope she goes tonight to annoy Jeremy Alan Partridge.

bring back Julien

Project Catwalk is as naught without his high-camp bitchery. Ms Grazia just can't cut it in the fashmagslag stakes.

Episode 1 challenge was to make an outfit from one of the other contestant's clothes. James was chucked off for making something rubbish. Random jottings on some of the others:

• Debbie - giving yourself a fancy name doesn't make you more interesting. And I know you're self taught but 2 minutes on google would've told you what a pattern block is. But also Note to Producers: well done for getting 13 people who can sew for this series, but it would've been nice to make sure they understood the rules too
• Anji - seems to be styling herself as Monika2. But there is only 1 Monika Rene
• Jules - oh what a simply fabulously witty fashion moment, getting your model to carry a jam jar because your initials spell jam. Dame Vivien herself could not have bettered it.
• Keko - sweetie, I was there in the 80s and your look didn't even work then. Mascara on the hair ffs
• Vic - obligatory 40-something mumsy one
• Ross - likes 'the finer things' but doesn't dress to match
• Chelsey - well yay for being a plus-size model but not-yay for slagging off your model's body shape because you couldn't manage to make your dress fit it properly
  

Overall they do seem more interesting than last year's bland bunch (Katy excepted, probably I am doing her a disservice but she just says 'WAG' to me). I see that since last series Kelly has been to Louise Brooks' hairdresser but not to presenting school.

Thanks MzCougar for YouTubing episode 1 as I missed some (note to self: bring child's bedtime forward, before 7pm is not too early for an 8 year old to go to bed on a Sunday night after all).

Poor Jade

*Insert sad smilie here.* I'm so annoyed at those Big Mouth presenters and the voice over when she was evicted it was so idiotic (especially for nice Jade) 'Loser' etc... BB people have lost the plot if they think that is amusing.

I'm also annoyed at all the boring random people rushing in and out of the house.

1. 'Cameraman'
2. Peaches Geldof and other person dressed up - all the HMs totally ignored them at first HA HA!
3. Unamusing evicton petal man
4. 'SAS' actors...
5. BB8's Brian Belo today I don't mind him though.

Chris Moyles today urgh.

Socks on hands

Russell's stunt didn't quite work and it upset John (well that was the other housemates fault) but Jade was the only one who thought it was a stunt. Woo well done Jade! I'm worried Jeremy is going to win...

Janet Street Porter today. Good. I'm a bit sick of male celebs now.

"We haven't got time to sort out what you look like," she added as the girls preened themselves for the cameras. "Oh my God, what do some of you look like? John, what have you come as, for God's sake?"

"That's harsh," said John looking sheepish in his dressing gown, "I was just bigging you up."

Poor John.

Om nom nom

Victor or Jeremy? Both so annoying and pathetic... Jeremy in a Alan Partridge way and Victor in a 'the new John McCririck' way. I'd actually quite like them to stay in the house to annoy me but Jade must stay even though I'm sure she'll go. I have decided Amy is all good.

But back to Jade according to the offish site Jade is going to be shown footage of other housemates being mean to her... gee that's a thing nice to do to Ms Weepy. Save Jade! Free Jade! Has anyone called her 'Jade Goody-Goody' yet? I quite like that.

And as for that Emilia saying Jade wasn't talented. Here is a quote for her

Jade is also an award winning dancer. She competed internationally in Artistic Gymnastics and won 3rd prize for most expressive floor routine.

Third! Expressive! Floor things! I think that makes her Queen of the world myself.

Alan Cumming was rubbish

Putting on a play and spending all day doing bad accents (Jeremy) not good. Russell today, there is a Morrissey pic up. Nice. John McCririck tomorrow.

Liam's 'orgy' talk what the feck... just shut up stop talking please.

did somebody say 'bongos'?

If ever in doubt about your course in life, ask yourself what would Richard do?

Let's talk about

Jeremy and Emilia. It's a bit suspicious like she heard the word racing driver and then decided to stick to him. I mean he has nothing else going for him so it must be the fact he may one day be rich. He is a bit Alan Partridge. I do like Emilia though I am in awe at her circus-ness.

I'm amused by Liam and his pants. He has bad pants but this doesn't stop him from modelling them around the house oh no. It is also disturbing as he looks 14. There is also a pic of him on his myspace in his pants. Eww.

A quick look on Heatworld and people are being nasty to Jade they want her out this makes me sad. Just because she is a beauty queen who cries a lot and pouts... let's not forget this woman was a child genius! Allegedly.

I love to play my bongos in the morning

Ian Wright was a bit of a perv or was that just me? (possibly). Russell Brand is doing it on Tuesday... Kelly Osbourne today and it is nominations, people are already saying they've done what they came for and don't mind if they go etc... I hope all the women stay (unlikely) I like them all. Well I could let Amy (Mills McCartney) go but the other 4 are rather good. It would be a shame to lose bongo woman, circus girl, happy Jade or dancey woman.

In other news I have watched the first US Celebrity Apprentice it was alright, has some woman who is the most infamous from the normal US apprentice on, she is in no way more annoying than Katie Hopkins they should of put her on instead. I don't know who many of them are but Gene Simmons is on it so all is good.

Why is Dancing On Ice going to be on a Sunday? I already have Top Model and Runway to record that day. Talking of Top Model I see Elyse from series one is in a bit of bother. Elyse v the Christians is one of the best TM bits.

fingers in ears again

I'm trying not to watch the new Celeb BB hijack thigmny, I don't have time to get to grips with the rules of another reality teevee show let alone watch every day. I must keep telling myself that before it sucks me in ....

Meanwhile I am happily waiting to be sucked into the new series of Project Catwalk, which starts tonight on SkyOne, I'm hoping it will be repeated soon for us poor deprived freeviewers (maybe on Sunday nights in the old Project Runway slot?)

edit - yup Sundays at 7pm on Sky3, I'll be there (unlike where I was for the Project Runway finale, cursed in-laws)

Oh yeah

Dermot much better than Davina non shocker, he even said 'don't boo' at one point.

I'm liking Matt Lucas

Telling the racing driver (could only be called Jeremy) he looked like Harry Potter, telling John to say 'cake' randomly and to say he could do whatever they could do, 'I can dance'. Best was 'I wrote the sound of music'.

The programme had 3.1 million viewers on channel 4 but E4's extra half hour coverage had 1.69 million viewers beating the previous highest E4 made programme Skins last year.

Celebrity hijack housemates revealed

There is a Jade, a John (pictured below), two circus performers and a conceptual artist who seems a bit like Shell. Maybe. Well she's blonde anyway...



And the first celeb is Matt Lucas.

More HM details here.