Noooooooooooooo

Dermot is leaving BBLB. Oh well BB is over that's it then. I'm off to have a Nikki style tantrum.

Nooooooooo

The pig men still in and Lynne out. I'm making a sad face. I expect J (blind as a bat) and Gemma (not many bikini shots yet) will be in the last four so that will be exciting...

Trial - John and J.

Evil Katie out

She just wasn't evil enough on this programme and people were a little bit disappointed.

I'm overjoyed Lynne and Cerys are still in.

The new evil one Marc Bannerman has been behaving oddly on itv2 I see, first telling strange jokes for no reason and then assaulting a toad with a mop...

Trial people today - Anna and Rodney.

Marc's exit

Poor Marc's girlf. Bad Marc for trying to get it on with another girl in t'jungle. Not good to watch him mugging his way thro his exit interview while knowing he's been dumped for making a twat of himself, tho. Then again ...

"The gossip is it's all a set-up, that they (Marc and Sarah) agreed Marc would go in and flirt outrageously with someone."

hmmmm .... not sure that his ashed-faced appearance for the tabs was put on, meself. In other news ...

• Ant 'n' Dec say Malc was scared "He changed his mind after seeing the medic, who briefed him on everything in the jungle. The medic tells you what to look out for and what is poisonous," Ant said. "Odd that he changed his mind after that."
• Right Said Fred moan about being too sexy for jungle
• Lynne's boyf gets cross about her editing
• Janice and Lynne demand mouthwash
  

and in ex-IAC-ers news

• Buy Joe Pasquale's Space Wagon
• or buy Sophie Anterton. Allegedly.

Marc gone

Yay a bloke out first, not the right one but the pig men were all immune. Hopefully Cerys can shine on her own now... Gemma is doing the trial, Cerys may be doing it too but I only saw Gemma in the trial gear but they (Lynne, Katie and Biggins) were talking about them both so may be both. That's right I'm watching the live feed on itv.com I am that sad.

funnily enough ..

... in this series of IAC, post-PremiumrateGate, we never hear A'n'D telling us how close the voting is and urging us to vote now, there's just a few votes in it. Coincidence, I'm sure. Likewise how some stars are now excluded from a trial "on medical advice". Hmmmm, is it all possible that in previous series the results were rigged so that "unwell" slebs didn't have to take part in a particular task? Meanwhile in the jungle, would Rodney and Janice Please Go Away. edit: oh and John Must Go Too. Rodney first. Go Biggins [insert 'camp' gag here]!

B&TG gets better every week. This week, the makeovers! Whoo hoo bleurgh. Yes the geeks looked 'better' afterwards but they also looked like everyone else. Well except poor Mario for whom nothing was done as far as I can see, he looked worse 'after' than 'before'. I love Nate and Scooter and think they should have been left alone, beards and bermuda formal wear and all.

Two Tribes

I love the two camps shame they are being joined together today. On the live streaming Lynne and The Evil Katie are talking about business... Lynne is more successful than you btw Evil Katie in case you didn't know... I'm very glad two people (at the mo) are doing the trials as one person being voted all the time is so very boring. Hopefully John will lose the trial like Rodney did...

In other news... next weeks Beauty and the Geek is makeover time WOO. No one will scrub up as good as Wes did.

Evil Katie is in

Woo. She should have a name a bit more evil than Katie it doesn't suit her. They've put her in Team Bitch (Snake Rock) which is strange as Team Nice need a bitch more. I was watching The Crocs last night on the website streaming and they are being too nice.

IACGMOOH in 'fake' claim shock!

Malcolm is now saying he left because it's all a fix, not because of the snakes.

McLaren, 61, said he left the show because it was 'fake' and 'fixed'. The former Sex Pistols manager said: 'This is not a reality show, it's a fake. They know who's going to win and lose. There are about 550 people in the jungle. It might have been a jungle once upon a time, but now it's a film set' claims McLaren.

No! A reality teevee show more of a film set than a real jungle! Fixed by the producers! I'm sure poor Malcolm was shocked to his very soul by the very idea of media manipulation.

Meanwhile in the jungle, Anna R-R is crying already. Bless.

Bikini watch

In bikini news Gemma Atkinson is only taking two bikinis and Marc Bannerman won't go naked as he doesn't want to offend his mother, better take a bikini or two then.

'celebrity' gets out of there already

According to Gold Coast News, Malcom McLaren has walked out of I'm a Celebrity before it even starts broadcasting, after they told him about the nasty snakes.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, never mind yer so-called punk icons, we want Jimmy Cricket. He even has his own wellies.

Official starting line up

Anna Ryder Richardson ~ changing rooms
Cerys Matthews ~ YAY 'cited. Cerys to win Cerys to win Cerys to win Cerys to win
Gemma Atkinson ~ soapstar superstar
Janice Dickinson ~ YAY mad. Janice to come second
Jason "J" Brown ~ 5IVE
John Burton Race ~ tv cooking show type
Lynne Franks ~ ab fab type
Malcolm McLaren ~ malcolm mclaren type
Marc Bannerman ~ eastenders type
Rodney Marsh ~ football type

I'm sure there will be others coming later... *crosses everything for Biggins and Hopkins The Evil One.*

I'm a celebrity contestants: a Guardianista's Guide

IAC line up announced in today's papers:

• Anna Ryder Richardson: TV make-over expert, best known for her stint on BBC1's Changing Rooms.
• Gemma Atkinson: Bikini-friendly former Hollyoaks actress who takes on the mantle of this year's obligatory tabloid 'babe'; unsurprisingly used to illustrate most of the papers' coverage today.
• Rodney Marsh: Soccer star turned pundit; fired by Sky Sports after a "tasteless" on-air joke about the Asian tsunami.
• Koo Stark: Former girlfriend of Prince Andrew - one for the Daily Mail crowd.
• Malcolm McLaren: Punk impresario - this year's John Lydon.
• Janice Dickinson: Self-professed 'world's first supermodel', recently seen on America's Next Top Model and something on Living; unkindly described as "ageing" by the Mail this morning.
• Cerys Matthews: Former lead singer of Welsh band Catatonia.
• Marc Bannerman: You remember, he used to be in EastEnders as Gianni di Marco. Tastefully told the Mirror this morning that he had been "nibbling on his cat's bollocks" in preparation for eating kangaroos' testicles.
• Katie Hopkins: The Apprentice's superbitch.
• Jason 'J' Brown: Was in boyband 5ive, a late-90s popular beat combo.
• Christopher Biggins: professional panto artiste and former Rent-a-Ghost favourite.
• Richard and Fred Fairbrass: Lead singers in Right Said Fred, still big in Germany; prepare yourself for endless variations on the 'we are too sexy for this show' theme; being seen as one person by the programme, like Samanda were in Big Bro.
• Lynne Franks: PR guru and the alleged inspiration behind Ab Fab.
• John Burton Race: Who, you might ask? He is a Michelin-starred chef, apparently.

Christopher Biggins? Malcom McLaren??? Koo Stark should be good value.

Gabby the new Queen of Hearts

Could the judges and (some) fans of Strictly please stop moaning about two of the chosen ones being in the bottom two especially the judges who don't seem to realise they are on a popularity contest on the tv. The result was brilliant except Penny needed to go out.

The main thing is that James Jordan the mean pig dancer is out. Ha hahahaha. I really don't like him...

tracking monkeys with lasers

New series of Beauty and the Geek has started on E4 and although I hate the premise of the show (it is not, in fact, impossible for girls to be both smart and beautiful; boys too, of course). I'm loving most of the geeks (although none of this lot track monkeys with lasers booo). Fave so far is Nate, what's not to love about someone who's in a Star Wars tribute band? The editing of the girls is so annoying tho, surely no-one could be that dumb and still able to walk and breathe at the same time?

Anyways I'm auditioning for the UK series, although not sure whether as a beauty or a geek

15 days

new series of I'm a Celebrity starts on 12 November. Yay-ish. Bit worried about the quality of guests, last rumour I heard was Dennis Rodman gah plus masses of people I have never heard off plus maybe Richard Fairbrass (Daz ads obviously not paying enough). Not that it matters so long as The Geordie Messiahs are presenting, phone-in scandal or no phone-in scandal (just because they're exec producers doesn't mean they know what's going on, obv). On our holidays in Whitley Bay, the kids entertainers were always The Next Ant 'n' Dec to me. They were great at what they were doing and as they hoofed their way through the Macarena (again), I couldn't help thinking they dreamed of this year Whitley Bay, next year The World!

Brandon Block alert

I see he's been snuck into the Celeb Scissorhands cast, excellent news. There are far too many reality tv things on tonight - Strictly, Runway, America's next top and Scissorhands... grr.

Excellent X Factor result smug Daniel out and some mad songs - build me up buttercup and stayin alive... what the feck? and Strictly slight spoiler............................... interesting bottom two on Strictly I read on the net... mwahahahahaha.

Poor Leon

Who the hell chose that for him? Odd. Predictably after hating Same Difference I now love them, I'm all for a Steps revival at any time. I hope all the kiddies who like High School Musical vote for them. My fave bit was when Dermot kissed the bloke. Anyway Same Difference for Eurovision please.

How could you not like a man like this?

Ok I hated him the first (and second and third) time I saw him but at least he is different from the others. From The Mirror

He goes around in a black balaclava when he's about to perform, like something from the IRA, so he doesn't catch a cold."

I hope Rhydian doesn't go out of the X Factor tonight he needs to stay for amusement.

Michael Barry says: "Rhydian told me they sent him an email telling him to arrive between 11am and 12pm - and sent everyone else one that said to arrive at 10am. Then they show him being told off for arriving late. It's a nasty way to treat a talented young man."

That makes me laugh the thought they told Rhydian a different time so they could film him being late and arrogant.

Look what's on Dave

The Apprentice series one tonight. I'm tempted to record even though I have it on dvd from ebay, except I lent it to my sister and she never gave it back hmph. Dave has gone up in my estimation now.