Pete Burns reported to be sniggering in a corner

Living the Dream no more.

Celebrity Big Brother stars Chantelle Houghton and Samuel Preston have split after 10 months of marriage.

Wow I'm so like not at all shocked... next Chanelle and Ziggy will be spitting up, then getting back together then spitting up, then getting back together.

The best thing about this BB is

The people (viewers) who despise Charley. I don't know what the big fuss is apart from her fake tantrums as they are oh so so very rubbish but everything else is amusing. The best bit is how much she's hated though 'tis amusing.

Anyway... Carole, Billi and Tracey up for eviction... Billi fave to go apparently. Ooh I love it when younger men are kicked out and older women are left in, their tiny minds (and those around them) just can't fathom what is going on. Tee hee.

Brian fired (not quite) Louis hired

Louis Walsh is back on the X Factor? After all that fuss about him got rid of? Brian Friedman is going to

become the show's creative director, coaching contestants in choreography and styling

according to bbc news.

So we're back to the Louis and Sharon show... grrreat. Of course this may all change in the next few days as Simon Cowell gets bored of Louis again.

We are thrilled to have Louis back to the X Factor," said Paul Jackson, ITV's Director of Entertainment and Comedy. Viewers will see the story unfold on screen when the series returns later in the year.

I can see it now, Simon looking sad and saying 'we've made a terrible mistake' just like he did with Ray on last years XF and those replacement acts on Britain's got talent.

In other news... BB was funny last night with Nicky and Charley competing over who could dress more slutty around Liam and this was after Liam saying he liked more aloof women. Michelle Bass would be more aloof compared to those two.

Liam gets given loads of dosh

Liam! How did they come up with him? Why give them one minute to decide? An hour would of been better, why does everything on BB have a 50 minute boring build up then one minute for a decision.

Liam! He's been there 5 days, I feel sorry for the others who may have got the money on their 5th day but now they've been in the house weeks and they're all bored with each other so give the money to a newbie.

Liam! He'll probably win anyway. I can't believe anyone in the house really is meant to believe that there's now no prize money... anyway as all BB viewers and housemates know you can make more than that by appearing in the mags, well if you can take off your clothes or be in a 'relationship' with another housemate for a few months. Liam can do both of them so he didn't need the money.

I don't know who 'deserved' it, I would of given it to Tracey she could have financed her coach holidays to Amsterdam for the rest of her life with that.

Vileness and soft toys

Lesley (BB8) on Big Mouth 'I can't tell the difference between Charley and Brian' added to her 'Charley is playing the race card' remark on BBLB I've quite gone off her!

Poor Gerry, his monkey was put in a condom last night... poor monkey. Chanelle's Betsy was as well but Betsy obviously enjoyed it as Chanelle wasn't upset (for once).

Tonight - rumours blah Davina blah cash money blah secret lofts blah the usual blah.

Bad bad bad

Carole, Jonathan and Seany up for eviction. Boo.

Boooooooo.

Too early for Jonathan. I'm calling Age Concern, age discrimination is rife in the BB house.

Ireland's got straight hair

I like Seany's new straight hair, I've decided I quite like him at the same time as quite hating him.

I need a warning for Britain's got talent if on turning over from Dr Who you are confronted by fake blood, as someone who has become the most squeamish person ever in the last few years I can't take such things. Worse was to come though... that child singing... she's on the front of the Sunday Mirror today! If she wins she is going to give her money away to African children... that opera bloke will have to come up with something to win over her.

A new BGT 'scandal' today. Fancy inviting a tabloid journo for a 'sordid sex session'. Tsk and all that. Anyway forget BGT I see a new show 'search for the next kit kat doll' it'd be a hit in my house.

I don't like Brian

Too sweary and wears things saying 'romeo 1' and 'no 1 Essex boy' on them. I think that's enough reason to dislike someone on BB.

The others... Liam seems too normal for BB (which probably means as he's a bloke he'll win) and Jonathan seems too rich. I love the way people think him (Mr Moneybags) and Carole should get together, I bet he'd be very upset to hear that (his friend on Big Mouth said he'd be more interested in Charley, well duh). I liked the way Nikki (BB7 not BB8 one) kept slagging off Billi (the other newbie) on Big Mouth in front of his family and friends.

There are now too many people you just know there will be 5 left on the last night and it will be stupid and rushed, plus it will probably be 5 blinking men.

Poor mad Shabnam 80ish% vote that's not right.

The new ones are currently in the rainy garden seemingly (mostly no sound) practising YMCA for a task.

Britain's got talent is rubbish I am now watching a bit of it and it is bad. Mini musical singers and ghastly pre teen dancing. Urgh urgh urgh. Today I am mostly thinking about this . Both The Sun and The Mirror went with 'Britain's got pervert(s)'.

Fellas

'Fellas' that's a strange word but one The Sun are using today. I prefer 'blokes'. So some blokes are arriving tonight, four of them and they are 'straight' I have no idea how they conducted this test to prove they are 'straight' but Ziggy will be happy... he loves the straights he does. One is apparently an ex cricket fella bloke who is now a tree surgeon. He'd be better off on strictly come dancing.

Crazy chicknam

Shabnam on Britain's got talent clicky clicky youtubey type thing. I like Shabnam I think. I'm not sure, she's quite odd.

I'm not watching Britain's got talent it seems strange. It's a reality tv programme (sort of), people are talking about it and I'm not watching it. Hmmmmmm. Something is odd about that. It's no pussycat dolls.

I've decided who I hate the mostest, that would be Ziggy, actually I'm not keen on any of these men in the house (especially feckin Seany grr). Just rename it Big Sister and ban men I say. Me and Nicky would be happy then. You can tell Nicky used to be larger. Obsessed. With. Food.

joy of schadenfreude

Katie fired

Katie Hopkins, a contender on BBC One's The Apprentice, has been fired from her real job, her employer has confirmed.

The Met Office, where the 31-year-old worked as a brand consultant, said she failed to pass a probationary period.

... spokesman also denied reports that Katie was earning £90,000 as a brand manager for the organisation.

After bowing out of the contest, she sold her story to a Sunday newspaper, giving intimate details of her love life.

and why oh why oh why does the Met Office need a 'brand manager' at however may thousands a year? It's the Met Office, it does weather, as any fule kno. Do you get a better quality of weather if you order it from the Met Office?

No I'm straight

Tee hee.

Seany 'are you ok'?

Ziggy 'no I'm straight'

Lesley has left the building (boo hiss). I'm quite annoyed and extremely unsurprised.

It is a bad day Joseph any dream will do will be over. I don't really care who wins as long as it's Lee.

But if Lee wins it will be as predictable as when Connie won. Actually I really don't care who wins I just wish it wasn't finishing.

Over on Grease... if evil Michelle wins I will be horrified. Oh how I hate David Ian, it's just like his support of Siobhan in how do you solve a problem like Maria? last time. A quick google tells me he has cast Siobhan in Grease... good grief will the evil never end? Funnily enough she's only in the rubbish role of 'straight-laced cheerleader Patty Simcox who has a crush on Danny' probably because she is rubbish.

sharp pointy sticks at the ready

So, penultimate Apprentice = the interview episode, where some of Sir A's mates grill the candidates and 3 get fired. Now deity knows I am no fan of Katie or Krisitna but I did think they were asked some very unfair and quite probably illegal questions about their single motherness and child care commitments. Margaret, you're a lawyer (also a woman), could you explain the Sex Discrimination Act to Sir A?

Anyways Sir A fired Lohit (mr dull) and Tre. Bah @ firing Tre, although he did make a bit of an arse of himself at the interviews, insisting he was a global business tycoon when it turns out he helps out in his dad's businesses and works out of his spare bedroom, sorry, his 'home office'. But I liked Tre, for all that he was a dreadful bullshitter.

And then there was Katie. Who had put on her application form, by way of evidence of her ruthlessness, that she had stolen someone else's husband. Who Sir A told was selected for the final, but then put her on the spot about whether she would actually move to London. And then she seemed to bottle it, as she had inexplicably failed to sort out how she would manage to do the job, before applying. Which seems to confirm Sir A''s suspicions that she wasn't in it for the job. If she really wanted to work for Sir A, surely as an alpha female she'd've got the practicalities of it all worked out before going on the show? Her subsequent appearance on You're Fired was vomit-inducing, as she turned up in a nice frock with her hair down and simpered her way thro, trying to overturn her previous image as posh arrogant snob. Well it didn't work hah. She said people stop her in the street to congratulate her. If I ever see her in the street, I will hope I have my trusty knitting needles to hand ...

So, a Simon & Kristina final. I don't like either of them (Simon a bit nice but dim, also a bit of a scary stalker when it comes to his encyclopedic Amstrad knowledge and Kristina's 'how dare you call me a feminist' reaction has never endeared me to her, nor the fact she is a professional pill pusher). But hey it beats the carp out of the racist-blonds fest over on C4.

Stupid racist posh girls

Now you'd have to be extremely stupid as well as racist to say that on this Big Brother. I like the way they are removing people in the middle of the night now. Pah me and my foolish sleeping and missing all the DRAMA!

Another vote bites the dust then...

How different from Shipwrecked where the stupid racist posh girl (thinks slaves are a good thing, sorry, thought slaves were a good thing, she changed her mind after being on the front of a tabloid) is up for Shipwrecker of the year! Did I hear wrong on Shipwrecked that the prize next year was 100 grand next year????

Emily is removed from Big Brother

Emily is removed from Big Brother

Emily Parr has been removed from the Big Brother house for using a racially offensive word to another housemate.

The 19-year-old from Bristol was taken out of the compound at 0330 BST and was forbidden from having any further contact with the 11 other contestants.

This week's eviction vote has been suspended, in which Emily was nominated along with Shabnam Paryani.

“I don’t do losing. I win. Team Emily”.

So... Bristol my home city is on the BB map. Enter Emily Parr a nineteen year old Student who proclaimed on entry "There's this new music sweeping the country called Indie"

Imagine my DJ cringing face. New music? Indie? Maybe I'd rather Tory posh chick Emily would fall off the Bristol map pretty swiftly.

I did wonder whether people would watch BB8 after all the nastiness and controversy but people love all that nasty shit. My teen girls are hooked already. My 13 year old step son knows every ones name age and occupation.

Am I watching it? Well in my capacity as a member of this lovely blog... yes. But not all the time, not full on like I used to. I'm keeping an eye on things..... and we'll see.

Meanwhile if you want a real look at BB8 check out Grace Dent. She's simply the best and sooo funny.

Be back soon

Tx