raw sex does fame academy

Yay for Rowland Rivron, I might even have to watch sleb FA this year. It will give me yet another chance to ramble on reminisce about his fine TV work eg being half of Raw Sex and his short lived chat show in which he interviewed guests in the river, I might even have time to polish up my claim to fame with Rowland anecdote. But I am with Jude on the 'no more nekkidjacuziness' point.

Press red!

From the BBC

BBCi gives fans watching on digital television the ultimate access to all the action from inside the Fame Academy from 7am to 1am every day, by pressing the red button.

Oh good. I do like to watch 'celebs' eating their tea. I love FA it's like Big Brother and Pop Idol combined thus making it the best thing ever.

The celebrity students are:
Angellica Bell (presenter)
Colin Murray (Radio 1 DJ, TV presenter)
Fred MacAulay (DJ, broadcaster)
Linda Robson (actress)
Mel Giedroyc (comedienne, writer)
Miranda Hart (comedy actress)
Ray Stubbs (BBC Sport presenter)
Rowland Rivron (comedian/presenter)
Shaun Williamson (actor, Extras)
Tara Palmer-Tomkinson (personality/TV presenter)
Tim Vine (comedian)
Tricia Penrose (actress)
Zoë Salmon (Blue Peter presenter)

Rowland. Should be fun. Hopefully less naked than on 'trust me I'm a holiday rep'.

Congrats to American Idol loser Jennifer Hudson who has only gone and won one of them Oscar things.

In other news I'm furious Lisa Scott Lee got kicked out of DOI instead of Mr Freak Hair.

knicker lovers

Oh no not more knickers. Someone on the Project Catwalk production team really, really likes seeing tall emaciated women strutting about in high heels and panties, they've already done a bikini 'challenge' and then this week they're designing underwear for Caprice.

Wayne's effort was v. poor, more Primark than Fetish Wear Designer of the Year. Giles seems to be turning out to be a bit of stereotype homosexualist fashionista who doesn't like women. Poor Monika had a vile cold and got the wrong measurements so made a too small bra, but she still rocks and should've won. If she doesn't make the final it will be a travesty. Luke won the challenge, Fatz got chucked off, not surprising as her knicknacks were too small and her bra a bizarre shape. How on earth do you manage to cut your clothes too small to fit a catwalk model? And how come you don't leave a good margin just in case, like my mum taught me during her futile attempts to teach me dress making.

I suspect much toupe tape was used to keep those bras in place. You can tell my taste in unmentionables is more M&S than S&M by the fact that during the catwalk, I was most worried that the knickers they made were going to be scratchy and/or give the poor models thrush. Cotton gussets, people, cotton gussets.

Julien's hair is looking very fetching this series. Kelly should ask for the name of his stylist. And his colourist, I fear she's still letting Cousin Terry loose on hers.

Hell's Kitchen

I presume this is replacing Love Island (r.i.p) if it's in the summer... Digi spy reports

ITV1 has confirmed that chef Marco Pierre White is to appear in the third series of Hell's Kitchen, which returns as part of the channel's summer line up.

It's celebrities... are there any left?

The show, which will see White training a group celebrities in his kitchen, will air over a two-week period in the summer.

Over in American Idol land... sigh... Cat Deeley is still in the UK version only and apparently the bloke from an old UK boy band who didn't get through the last round was only shown here!!!!!!!! I want to see the proper American version ffs. If they want to encourage people to download it and not watch ITV1/2 then they are going the right way about it.

Rip off

I'm glad this has made the papers, mostly because I'm annoyed that I can't afford to go to it.

The forthcoming Dancing On Ice tour has been branded a "rip-off" by fans of the show.

A family of four will pay around £200 for their tickets - but will then be asked to spend extra cash by voting for their favourite couples via text message once they're inside.

One fan told the Daily Star Sunday: "It's a great family show but what normal family can afford all that? It's a total rip-off. And to get people to text when they are actually there really tops it off!"

From digi spy. Talking of dancing on ice. Kay Burley still in it. Bad bad bad.

It's safe to come out from behind the settee

The American Idol auditions all nine billion hours of them are officially OVER. YAY! Next is Hollywood week. I can't wait. I want all the rock women and the Fidel Castro bloke and the Jack Osbourne alike to go through please.

Ooh pic of 'Jack'



He's actually called Chris Sligh.

My fave bit of AI so far I think is the person telling Simon Cowell to go back to France! Then when the presenter told her he was English she said he should go back to 'British'! Must be Danielle Lloyd's cousin or sumfink.

Monika wins again

Huzzah Monika won this week's Project Catwalk task, in which they had to restyle another contestant. She made Phatz look v. glam whereas Fatz made her look Fat, the bustier top was OK but wtf was going on with the tartan trim boufy skirty? Tyler got very upset at having to restyle Wayne because she doesn't 'do' menswear and hurah got evicted after producing a vile sleeveless shirt and sticking some diamante on some shop bought keks. (Is it just me or is Sky's Project Catwalk page fecked?)

BB-ish news: I did enjoy seeing Danny Tourette being made an idiot of on Buzzcocks. He wouldn't know punk if Danbert Nobacon hit him over the head with a jug of water. Which I wish he would. Roll on next week's with Preston teehee.

talking of sense of perspective

Serving PM interviewed by police in corruption enquiry and no-mark barbie girl interviewed by police for something she said on tv, obviously equally important news stories.

kelly hat news

I'm wondering if La Osborne has a bet on to wear increasingly ridiculous hats in every episode of Project Catwalk. Last night's sparkly mini-sized hat was really quite silly. Nice-but-dim Henry got pushed off the runway for being unable to sew (you do wonder what the selection criteria at the auditions are? There must be more telegenic wannabe fashion designers who can actually use a needle, thread and pair of scissors?). I'm liking Monica, stroppy cow who actually knows how to thread a needle.

"What is the world coming to" news: Shilpa to meet Queen and Tony Blair. Sense of Perspective, anyone?

BB Racism: What would Cameron do?

WHERE DOES this year’s unprecedented furore leave the future of Big Brother?

I’ve always said I’m not as keen on Celebrity Big Brother as I am on the real deal “commoners” BB. What started as a fun spin-off to raise money for charity has spiralled out of control and I wouldn’t mind one bit if it was ditched so all the focus could be on the summer show.

Since I’ve been doing this column I’ve had letters asking me why I bother with such “rubbish” as Big Brother but I honestly believe it has something to contribute about the way we work as people and society.
And I was tickled by Channel 4 TV chief Stuart Cosgrove’s comments that it should come to Scotland.

Brilliant concept. Bring it on.

There ain’t a format in the world that is so tired it can’t be jazzed up by putting a kilt on it!