Vileness and soft toys

Lesley (BB8) on Big Mouth 'I can't tell the difference between Charley and Brian' added to her 'Charley is playing the race card' remark on BBLB I've quite gone off her!

Poor Gerry, his monkey was put in a condom last night... poor monkey. Chanelle's Betsy was as well but Betsy obviously enjoyed it as Chanelle wasn't upset (for once).

Tonight - rumours blah Davina blah cash money blah secret lofts blah the usual blah.

Bad bad bad

Carole, Jonathan and Seany up for eviction. Boo.

Boooooooo.

Too early for Jonathan. I'm calling Age Concern, age discrimination is rife in the BB house.

Ireland's got straight hair

I like Seany's new straight hair, I've decided I quite like him at the same time as quite hating him.

I need a warning for Britain's got talent if on turning over from Dr Who you are confronted by fake blood, as someone who has become the most squeamish person ever in the last few years I can't take such things. Worse was to come though... that child singing... she's on the front of the Sunday Mirror today! If she wins she is going to give her money away to African children... that opera bloke will have to come up with something to win over her.

A new BGT 'scandal' today. Fancy inviting a tabloid journo for a 'sordid sex session'. Tsk and all that. Anyway forget BGT I see a new show 'search for the next kit kat doll' it'd be a hit in my house.

I don't like Brian

Too sweary and wears things saying 'romeo 1' and 'no 1 Essex boy' on them. I think that's enough reason to dislike someone on BB.

The others... Liam seems too normal for BB (which probably means as he's a bloke he'll win) and Jonathan seems too rich. I love the way people think him (Mr Moneybags) and Carole should get together, I bet he'd be very upset to hear that (his friend on Big Mouth said he'd be more interested in Charley, well duh). I liked the way Nikki (BB7 not BB8 one) kept slagging off Billi (the other newbie) on Big Mouth in front of his family and friends.

There are now too many people you just know there will be 5 left on the last night and it will be stupid and rushed, plus it will probably be 5 blinking men.

Poor mad Shabnam 80ish% vote that's not right.

The new ones are currently in the rainy garden seemingly (mostly no sound) practising YMCA for a task.

Britain's got talent is rubbish I am now watching a bit of it and it is bad. Mini musical singers and ghastly pre teen dancing. Urgh urgh urgh. Today I am mostly thinking about this . Both The Sun and The Mirror went with 'Britain's got pervert(s)'.

Fellas

'Fellas' that's a strange word but one The Sun are using today. I prefer 'blokes'. So some blokes are arriving tonight, four of them and they are 'straight' I have no idea how they conducted this test to prove they are 'straight' but Ziggy will be happy... he loves the straights he does. One is apparently an ex cricket fella bloke who is now a tree surgeon. He'd be better off on strictly come dancing.

Crazy chicknam

Shabnam on Britain's got talent clicky clicky youtubey type thing. I like Shabnam I think. I'm not sure, she's quite odd.

I'm not watching Britain's got talent it seems strange. It's a reality tv programme (sort of), people are talking about it and I'm not watching it. Hmmmmmm. Something is odd about that. It's no pussycat dolls.

I've decided who I hate the mostest, that would be Ziggy, actually I'm not keen on any of these men in the house (especially feckin Seany grr). Just rename it Big Sister and ban men I say. Me and Nicky would be happy then. You can tell Nicky used to be larger. Obsessed. With. Food.

joy of schadenfreude

Katie fired

Katie Hopkins, a contender on BBC One's The Apprentice, has been fired from her real job, her employer has confirmed.

The Met Office, where the 31-year-old worked as a brand consultant, said she failed to pass a probationary period.

... spokesman also denied reports that Katie was earning £90,000 as a brand manager for the organisation.

After bowing out of the contest, she sold her story to a Sunday newspaper, giving intimate details of her love life.

and why oh why oh why does the Met Office need a 'brand manager' at however may thousands a year? It's the Met Office, it does weather, as any fule kno. Do you get a better quality of weather if you order it from the Met Office?

No I'm straight

Tee hee.

Seany 'are you ok'?

Ziggy 'no I'm straight'

Lesley has left the building (boo hiss). I'm quite annoyed and extremely unsurprised.

It is a bad day Joseph any dream will do will be over. I don't really care who wins as long as it's Lee.

But if Lee wins it will be as predictable as when Connie won. Actually I really don't care who wins I just wish it wasn't finishing.

Over on Grease... if evil Michelle wins I will be horrified. Oh how I hate David Ian, it's just like his support of Siobhan in how do you solve a problem like Maria? last time. A quick google tells me he has cast Siobhan in Grease... good grief will the evil never end? Funnily enough she's only in the rubbish role of 'straight-laced cheerleader Patty Simcox who has a crush on Danny' probably because she is rubbish.

sharp pointy sticks at the ready

So, penultimate Apprentice = the interview episode, where some of Sir A's mates grill the candidates and 3 get fired. Now deity knows I am no fan of Katie or Krisitna but I did think they were asked some very unfair and quite probably illegal questions about their single motherness and child care commitments. Margaret, you're a lawyer (also a woman), could you explain the Sex Discrimination Act to Sir A?

Anyways Sir A fired Lohit (mr dull) and Tre. Bah @ firing Tre, although he did make a bit of an arse of himself at the interviews, insisting he was a global business tycoon when it turns out he helps out in his dad's businesses and works out of his spare bedroom, sorry, his 'home office'. But I liked Tre, for all that he was a dreadful bullshitter.

And then there was Katie. Who had put on her application form, by way of evidence of her ruthlessness, that she had stolen someone else's husband. Who Sir A told was selected for the final, but then put her on the spot about whether she would actually move to London. And then she seemed to bottle it, as she had inexplicably failed to sort out how she would manage to do the job, before applying. Which seems to confirm Sir A''s suspicions that she wasn't in it for the job. If she really wanted to work for Sir A, surely as an alpha female she'd've got the practicalities of it all worked out before going on the show? Her subsequent appearance on You're Fired was vomit-inducing, as she turned up in a nice frock with her hair down and simpered her way thro, trying to overturn her previous image as posh arrogant snob. Well it didn't work hah. She said people stop her in the street to congratulate her. If I ever see her in the street, I will hope I have my trusty knitting needles to hand ...

So, a Simon & Kristina final. I don't like either of them (Simon a bit nice but dim, also a bit of a scary stalker when it comes to his encyclopedic Amstrad knowledge and Kristina's 'how dare you call me a feminist' reaction has never endeared me to her, nor the fact she is a professional pill pusher). But hey it beats the carp out of the racist-blonds fest over on C4.

Stupid racist posh girls

Now you'd have to be extremely stupid as well as racist to say that on this Big Brother. I like the way they are removing people in the middle of the night now. Pah me and my foolish sleeping and missing all the DRAMA!

Another vote bites the dust then...

How different from Shipwrecked where the stupid racist posh girl (thinks slaves are a good thing, sorry, thought slaves were a good thing, she changed her mind after being on the front of a tabloid) is up for Shipwrecker of the year! Did I hear wrong on Shipwrecked that the prize next year was 100 grand next year????

Emily is removed from Big Brother

Emily is removed from Big Brother

Emily Parr has been removed from the Big Brother house for using a racially offensive word to another housemate.

The 19-year-old from Bristol was taken out of the compound at 0330 BST and was forbidden from having any further contact with the 11 other contestants.

This week's eviction vote has been suspended, in which Emily was nominated along with Shabnam Paryani.

“I don’t do losing. I win. Team Emily”.

So... Bristol my home city is on the BB map. Enter Emily Parr a nineteen year old Student who proclaimed on entry "There's this new music sweeping the country called Indie"

Imagine my DJ cringing face. New music? Indie? Maybe I'd rather Tory posh chick Emily would fall off the Bristol map pretty swiftly.

I did wonder whether people would watch BB8 after all the nastiness and controversy but people love all that nasty shit. My teen girls are hooked already. My 13 year old step son knows every ones name age and occupation.

Am I watching it? Well in my capacity as a member of this lovely blog... yes. But not all the time, not full on like I used to. I'm keeping an eye on things..... and we'll see.

Meanwhile if you want a real look at BB8 check out Grace Dent. She's simply the best and sooo funny.

Be back soon

Tx

la la la la la la la I'm not listening la la la la la

Abosolutley nothing happened in the world of reality teevee last night except the Apprentice, in which Naomi got fired. It was the seller-vision challenge again and unlike last time they all made a complete arse of it. They were all dreadful at selling on teevee. By rights Kristina should've been sacked for the shocking job she did with the vacuum cleaner thingy. Simon should've been sacked for general Simon-ness and complete ineptitude in the face of a crisis. But yes I have to agree Naomi deserved it too. Wtf was she thinking, decoupage sticky buds? Oh and Katie. Well bite my @rse and call me Mavis, for I am apparantly her ideal customer for crapoloa vacuum cleaners, having as I do a large bust and a fondness for knitting. Yes and you know just where I'm going to stick my sharp pointy sticks don't you Ms Hopkins?

Castaway gone away

Castaway was won by Grumpy Jon I guess we won't see another series so bye bye Castaway, I loved you anyway (except when you repeated yourself which was most of the time).

Shipwrecked still hasn't finished... Tiger Island's Ben Lunt was at the back of every shot (in the audience) of the judges on Grease Is The Word though (and Louis, Naomi and umm that other one) but mostly Ben Lunt and the amazing big hair he seems to have now.

No text voting!

I'm glad someone has actually admitted that a lot of the time text votes don't go through in time...

Channel 4 has halved the cost of eviction voting for Big Brother and said it will not make any profit from phone services on this year's show, which begins tomorrow.

The cost of calls to vote for Big Brother evictions will drop from 50p to 25p and Channel 4 has axed text voting altogether.

A 10p donation to charity will be made for each vote cast, with the remaining charge covering the costs incurred by Channel 4 to administer the system.

Channel 4 said text voting had been axed because mobile phone operators cannot process SMS messages within a time frame suitable for the voting procedures on the programme.

From Media Guardian.

news round up

I forgot to watch Project Runway last night so don't know if Ugly Betty's nephew is still in.

Asia won Search for the next Pussycat Doll hurrah she beat nasty Melissa. Robyn said all 3 finalists were 'in touch with their inner Pussycat Doll'. As they seem to have spend most of the series forgetting to put their clothes on on top of their undies before going on stage, I fear we are all in danger of bing in touch with the finalists' inner pussycat dolls.

And talking of pussycats (heh did you see what I did there), George Galloway is reported to be the new BBBM presenter. This news makes me very happy, as it will help me stay away from the whole sordid BB8 mess this summer. Even better, Chris "where's the off button?" Moyles is going to be doing it later in the series. No BBBM for me this year.

Meanwhile, tabloids say:
YOU'RE SIRED! Apprentice blonde's passion for married man
Apprentice' star Tre advised to cheer up taking advice from Syed would be such a great career move

and big brother news is everywhere, but I can't be arsed.

Speaking of mad googly eyes ...

nearlyl forgot to post this from Charlie Brooker's screen burn

Speaking of mad googly eyes, I'm now obsessed with Katie Hopkins from The Apprentice (Wed, 9pm, BBC1) - the bitchiest, most venomous contestant in the show's history. Apparently played by the old Spitting Image puppet of the Queen, wearing a blonde wig and glowing pale-blue contact lenses, Katie enjoys sticking the knife into her fellow contestants so much, she can't help smiling as she slags them off to camera. I can't help imagining if one of the others accidentally fell down the stairs, and lay at the bottom in a broken-necked comatose heap, she'd stand at the top grinning like a carnival mask and frantically rubbing her mimsy till the ambulance arrived. There's something unholy about her, like a possessed Ermintrude. Lord help Sir Alan if he finally decides to fire her. Her head'll start revolving and spewing green vomit. Here's hoping Nick Hewer carries a crucifix in his pocket.

Qu'es-ce que c'est le 'mimsy'?

different for girls?

becuase of the foopball I only turned over to the Apprentice in time for the boardroom, to see Jadine getting evicted fired. No idea if she deserved it but sad to see her go, I liked her. Also glad Tre stayed. He should've taken poshSimon in with him so poshSimon could get pushed hah. Then turned over for You're Fired, glad to see the Great British Public is going to hunt Katie down and kill her, not so glad to see Jadine turning up with ironed hair and a petticoat on, apparantly decided to try out for the UK version of Search for the Next Pussycat Doll. And even less glad to hear the businessman on the You're Fired panel being patroninsing about women in business missing their kiddies. Yeah cos it's not like mens ever miss their kiddies is it.

Big Brother news: as the whole world knows by now, C4 and Enditol have been told off in a very stern voice over Shilpagate. I find the suggestion they might be forced to show Jade allegedly reciting an allegedly racist alleged limerick. Perhaps she could go back into hiding and maybe safe-house share with Katie?

Big Bro starts all over again next Weds. Say goodbye to your summer, indeed. I may have to go and spend a few weeks in a tent to avoid temptation.

Joe!

Joe! Joe! Joe!

Joe Chicken out of Castaway before Big Al or feckin newbie Catrin I'm outraged.

Oh and Ken.

But Joe! How did that happen?

10 days to go

Says the voice of Big Brother doom on channel 4. Even I'm pretending I'm hardly going to watch it this year. I will of course watch it all but I'm determined not to enjoy it...

I'm hoping Big Al is voted off Castaway tonight I'm desperate to see how much weight he's lost and I have hated him ever since he said he was going to join the Tories when he leaves... nasty castaway Tory Clare recruiting on the BBC. Tut.

Daniel left ADWD/Joseph I was beyond happy to not have to see his smug smiley face again.

On Grease odd things are happening, swapping the couples around and them all being solo from now on. I want Alison and Kav to win but I smell a horrid Michelle conspiracy led by evil judge David Ian. Oh it annoys me that they split up Alison and former pop hunk Anthony Kavanagh Kav.

Over on everyone's favourite show (well it should be) Chelsea is in the final for the hunt for the next pussycat doll and on American Idol poor Melinda is out making way for tiresome beat boxing Blake and Jordin who spells her name funny.