for the sake of completeness

Brian Belo won. I have no idea if this is good or bad. I didn't watch at all this year. Not out of any 'it's not as good as it used to be' snobbiness but because I just didn't have the time. Celebrity Big Bro has been cancelled for next year, which is a shame cos (apart from outbreaks of racism) it's better than the main show, more interesting people and a manageable timescale.

More amusing rumours

Hassan from Castaway to join BB house! Or ex BB housemates as it is Big Brother's birthday (apparently the first one started on the 14 July 2000). Or none of those. I'm still waiting for Pete Burns.

I like rumours

RUMOURS that PETE BURNS is to be sent into the Big Brother house are circulating.

It is claimed that Pete — who starred in last year’s Celeb BB — has been in secret talks with producers.

There is also speculation that two new contestants will enter the house tonight. A Channel 4 spokeswoman said: “There’s nothing to report.

Probably just a lovely rumour...

Happy weddingness

Pete Burns has married the long suffering Michael and it's all being filmed for Living. Yay! From Ireland on line.

I hate BB twists that don't start right away. I already hate the woman involved just because she was on a programme called 'Balls of Steel' that sounds highly annoying.

Pete Burns reported to be sniggering in a corner

Living the Dream no more.

Celebrity Big Brother stars Chantelle Houghton and Samuel Preston have split after 10 months of marriage.

Wow I'm so like not at all shocked... next Chanelle and Ziggy will be spitting up, then getting back together then spitting up, then getting back together.

different for girls?

becuase of the foopball I only turned over to the Apprentice in time for the boardroom, to see Jadine getting evicted fired. No idea if she deserved it but sad to see her go, I liked her. Also glad Tre stayed. He should've taken poshSimon in with him so poshSimon could get pushed hah. Then turned over for You're Fired, glad to see the Great British Public is going to hunt Katie down and kill her, not so glad to see Jadine turning up with ironed hair and a petticoat on, apparantly decided to try out for the UK version of Search for the Next Pussycat Doll. And even less glad to hear the businessman on the You're Fired panel being patroninsing about women in business missing their kiddies. Yeah cos it's not like mens ever miss their kiddies is it.

Big Brother news: as the whole world knows by now, C4 and Enditol have been told off in a very stern voice over Shilpagate. I find the suggestion they might be forced to show Jade allegedly reciting an allegedly racist alleged limerick. Perhaps she could go back into hiding and maybe safe-house share with Katie?

Big Bro starts all over again next Weds. Say goodbye to your summer, indeed. I may have to go and spend a few weeks in a tent to avoid temptation.

Monika wins again

Huzzah Monika won this week's Project Catwalk task, in which they had to restyle another contestant. She made Phatz look v. glam whereas Fatz made her look Fat, the bustier top was OK but wtf was going on with the tartan trim boufy skirty? Tyler got very upset at having to restyle Wayne because she doesn't 'do' menswear and hurah got evicted after producing a vile sleeveless shirt and sticking some diamante on some shop bought keks. (Is it just me or is Sky's Project Catwalk page fecked?)

BB-ish news: I did enjoy seeing Danny Tourette being made an idiot of on Buzzcocks. He wouldn't know punk if Danbert Nobacon hit him over the head with a jug of water. Which I wish he would. Roll on next week's with Preston teehee.

talking of sense of perspective

Serving PM interviewed by police in corruption enquiry and no-mark barbie girl interviewed by police for something she said on tv, obviously equally important news stories.

kelly hat news

I'm wondering if La Osborne has a bet on to wear increasingly ridiculous hats in every episode of Project Catwalk. Last night's sparkly mini-sized hat was really quite silly. Nice-but-dim Henry got pushed off the runway for being unable to sew (you do wonder what the selection criteria at the auditions are? There must be more telegenic wannabe fashion designers who can actually use a needle, thread and pair of scissors?). I'm liking Monica, stroppy cow who actually knows how to thread a needle.

"What is the world coming to" news: Shilpa to meet Queen and Tony Blair. Sense of Perspective, anyone?

BB Racism: What would Cameron do?

WHERE DOES this year’s unprecedented furore leave the future of Big Brother?

I’ve always said I’m not as keen on Celebrity Big Brother as I am on the real deal “commoners” BB. What started as a fun spin-off to raise money for charity has spiralled out of control and I wouldn’t mind one bit if it was ditched so all the focus could be on the summer show.

Since I’ve been doing this column I’ve had letters asking me why I bother with such “rubbish” as Big Brother but I honestly believe it has something to contribute about the way we work as people and society.
And I was tickled by Channel 4 TV chief Stuart Cosgrove’s comments that it should come to Scotland.

Brilliant concept. Bring it on.

There ain’t a format in the world that is so tired it can’t be jazzed up by putting a kilt on it!

Celebrity Trin Idol!

Starting tonight on 5 : "So You Think You Can Nurse?"

Writer and broadcaster Janet Street Porter, TV presenter Gail Porter and comedian Sean Hughes have been given full access to working wards in Barnsley General Hospital to experience first-hand the daily challenges of being a National Health Service nurse. The celebrities will be taking part in this life-changing experience of operating as auxiliary nurses-in-training for two exhausting weeks at the hospital.

.......

Janet Street Porter, known for her strong opinions on the NHS will be assisting expectant mothers, helping the midwives with births and c-sections in the maternity wing.

FFS. If Janet SP had approached me with a camera crew while I was having my labour & caesarean section, I'd've told her to feck right off.

Oh yeah big brother etc etc. Shilpa won, Jade's had a breakdown and gone into the Priory, Jo says it's ruined her life and is being comforted by Fergie (!) and Danielle got dumped by Teddy and her modelling contracts.

Anyway we're so over that, now on to exciting news wot I heard on the wireless this morning: Celebrity Apprentice! With Jo Brand! Thank you tv deities for smiling on me.

Fashion has no mercy

Kelly Osbourne's beret on Project Catwalk was one of the funniest things I've ever seen, I honestly thought she was in fancy dress for a task reason at first. A clip from next weeks seems to see her trying the Tito Jackson look.

Davina was a harsh one to Jo then. Shame Jade didn't get the same treatment. Or Grace. Or Lisa. Or any other of the many BB bullies but then the media didn't care about those ones as they weren't in the celeb version. Davina gets harsh when it hits BB in the pocket non shocker. Just one more day of Danielle on my tv. Hurrah. Good riddance.

In American Idol land someone called Sundance Head went through. That's a good name and he has a story, his Dad was a singer who was knocked off the number one spot by The Beatles. They also put through a bloke with a big beard and long hair who looked like a young Fidel Castro. Fun!

Celebrity Fame Academy

Woo hoo! Back in March. I hope there is live streaming. I hope a lot that there's live streaming.

People confirmed

Tara Palmer-Tomkinson
Shaun Williamson (it'll be like Night Fever all again)
Linda Robson

That's all I know so far.

In BB news... voting cockup all votes cancelled open again tonight.

Saint H

Stop being so nice! A task to win a treat for each other. Look at what H/Ian won.

Cleo won Ian's treat; a donation to his chosen charity.

You're in the BB house, ask for a giant inflatable dog or something a bit more interesting. At least get something you could share like chocolate.

Blimey!

But still they don't mind making money out of her...

I'm not racist but ...

Hearing someone say those words tells you all you need to know.

Funny that

Danielle being given a list including 'don't be racist' by her agent before she went in. What sort of person has to be reminded of that? A racist perhaps? Jade is a bully that we already know, we've seen it on BB3 and Back to Reality, why is anyone surprised? In last years BB terms Jade = Grace, Danielle = Lisa, Jo = Imogen. I think it's amusing as recent as Monday Dermot was asking on Big Brain if Shilpa had brought this on herself! It's AshAleeeen all over again, except with more media as it's celeb BB and the R word.

No crowd tonight... booooooooooooooooooo! I think no booing and no crowd would upset Jade more than booing so maybe that's good. Just a shame Danielle won't be able to hear the boos. I blame Danielle for everything, she's just the most two faced person ever. In my humble opinion!

not watching?

So Big Brother? I'm not sure what to make of all this furor going on in the media with this racist business. To be honest I wasn't sure I even cared. Come on, this is a TV programme. Semi known people trying to raise their profile by the use of a popular TV show.
I dislike Jade Goody. I just know that if she was in the same room as me I'd have to leave. Why? because she's too stupid to know she's stupid. But some people obviously find something in her that's entertaining so they watch her.
The night her and her vacuous family were shoehorned into the BB house with Davina gurning and squeaking excitedly "Our Jade's back" was a sad TV moment. What ever happened to the BB I knew and loved. The social experiment. Putting strangers in a house together and watch them integrate? Celeb BB was fun. You can't keep on a front for days on end so we got to see something of the TRUE celeb personality. But we all know Jade's true persona. It's been there for all to see. It's not racism but ignorance.
I was however extremely disturbed to find one of my very own children siding initially with Jade and her 'Mean Girls' gang. She said "I hate Shilpa" Why? Only after a lot of heated discussion and questioning did I get out of her that she disliked her laugh and way she held herself. On careful examination of the whole affair she agreed that it was wrong to be so vehement about someone because of the way they walked, talked and laughed. When Shilpa cried she said "Cry me a river Shilpa" I was horrified. When someone cries we go to them, ask them what's wrong. Care about stuff and try to sort it out. I want to feel that I am a champion against injustice and my kids follow me. Stand up for the meek and mild. Be brave and bold and don't follow the crowd. It's been a learning curve and to her credit she now from her own free will and observation can see what went wrong and that the trio of Mean Girls really are just that... MEAN.
The BB house lacks back bone in any form. H from Steps can see what's wrong but can't do anything about it. Jermaine is a love poet of uselessness. Dirk doesn't really care. Wants to get home to his urinal. Cleo is really poor in my estimation. She quite obviously doesn't like Shilpa but she pretends to. She sits on the picket fence so tightly its a wonder she doesn't get splinters.
And the three mean girls have regressed to the age of 10 giggling and patting each other on the back for the 'clever' things they say.
Entertainment? Bring back Jackie Stallone.........

and now, parliamentary news

Big Brother remains the key political issue of the day. Pah to such trivia as war, corruption, storms, global warming, etc.

• Gordon Brown's trip to India has been rather overshadowed by ShilpaGate. Hmmm, is that ths sound of spinning I hear? Surely no-one in the government would want to deprive the Chancellor of publicity? Have I just watched one too many episodes of "The Thick of It"?

• David Milliband sez 'Jade out'.

• Reasons to hate the Baddies #284: they made me agree with a Tory leader.

On a happier note, Lembit and Gabriela have been welcoming 'Hello' readers to their beautiful home.

No more Mowbli

Hurrah!

Carphone Warehouse has suspended sponsorship of Celebrity Big Brother following allegations of racism toward actress Shilpa Shetty on the C4 show. The company said its sponsorship would be removed from the current series "with immediate effect".

Rumoured new housemates... (god when will this torture end?) That idiot bloke from Paparazzi (Darryn Lyons) who I hate! And Mark Bosnich...