It just looks like a cd to me

30th May apparently.

I'm more excited about who will 'win' (I have no idea what they win) Castaway. Joe Chicken, Young Al or lovely (ish) evil (ish) Jonathan? The even more exciting bit is when they get voted off and weighed that is my favourite bit.

Who will win Shipwrecked? and Shipwrecker of the year? Probably be Ben Lunt... I'd like Fiona to win something... anything. I read Louis is now dating Naomi I am shocked to my very core (whatever that means).

Apprenti-bulletin

Ghazal = sacked
Simon = tw*t
Kristina = evil
Katie = must die
Lohit = who?

hurrah

for Ewan Euan Iwan winning Deadline.

And hurrah also for young people's alcholic beverages - who knew VK had caffeine in till I couldn't sleep after drinking 4 bottles of the stuff down the student's union tonight? So I go up and yay a repeat of the Deadline final was on

woe is me

bah tonight I have to Go Out. I would not miss the finals of Deadline and Ann Maurice's Interior Rivalry for a lesser man than LKJ.

vive le guilloitine!

Like any good leftie, I maintain a mental 'first against the wall come the glorious day' list, and after last night's Apprentice Katie has been promoted to the top of it. Yes Adam was rubbish and deserved to get fired, as he spent the whole day in 'startled rabbit' mode but Katie's comments about northerners were astonishing. I know a lot of it's in the edit with all these shows but if you don't say it they can't edit it in. She is still the most crashingly arrogant snob it has been my misfortune to see on my telly box since the Fishing Party. I think perhaps she thinks she's being ironic and/or funny, but as Prince Harry's choice of fancy dress has already shown, there is a massive humour gap between braying upper class twats and the rest of us. I wonder when she's going to tell us what she thinks of jumped up cockney barrow boys and whether Sir A will be amused? I have my knitting needles at the ready.

I had high hopes of Jadine at the beginning, things have gone quiet on the Jadine front lately which is hopefully a good sign that she'll come to the fore later on. I also like Tre. He's my kind of arrogant git (ie not posh and not sneering). Disappionted in Ghazal, she's a bit poor. At the start of the series Sir A warned them not to come out with the 'I'm like you Sir A, I'm just a poor boy from a poor family' line; now I think he should also warn them off the 'give me a chance Sir A, make me team leader line'. Someome spouts that in the board room every week.

Apprentice rules question: are they banned from looking stuff up on t'internet on their blackberries? That can be the only explanation for why no-one googled 'nigella seeds'.

Sunday night fashion fest

Hurrah Project Runway series 2 is on Sky3. I am delighted to see Ugly Betty's camp nephew made it to the final 14. Heidi Klum's presenting style is enlivened for me by my mixing her up with Heidi Fleiss.

the Lord will provide

I do wish Graham Norton would stop talking in reverential tones about "The Lord". Whenever he does it I assume it's a God reference, not such an absurd thought given that Joseph is a bible story and the last time Graham was funny was as Father Noel. But no, he is referring to much more important person than than, he's referring to Andrew LW himself.

Rubbish Gerri was unsurprisingly fired from the Apprentice this week. But stand by for another "do these people not watch the show?" moment as the girls (some of) decide to raise money by sellng themselves on the street kisses in pubs. Yeah that's a good way to promote the role of women in business and we know from previous series how much Sir A likes business women getting their tits oot. Jadine (yay) was one of the dissenters who didn't want to pimp her sisters, while Kristina looked appalled at the accusation of being a feminist, and nice poshos Kate and Paul got soppy.

Deadline had a double sacking last week, maybe they will mirror the apprentice again with a blossoming romance this?

Any Joseph will do

First I have to mention the HORROR that is grease is the word I think itv should be shut down because of the HIDEOUSNESS of the 'laugh at the mad people' audition shows. I liked the stammer bloke though.

But JOSEPH JOSEPH JOSEPH or whatever it is called is the best thing ever. I'm fairly sure one of the curlies will win and probably Rob, I am fond of Seamus though as he is 35 and everyone seems to hate him. I like Keith too mostly as he works in Tesco with his Mam and girlfriend, which is slightly different to Rob (already working in musicals) and Seamus (asked to sing with Madonna at Live 8).

Other reality tee vee I am enjoying includes deadline (even though it is encouraging my Abi Titmuss love), shipwrecked (I'm looking forward to tonight's as it seems male Jo gets to visit the other island so hopefully more airtime for male Jo) and search for the next pussycat doll which is brilliant (the choreographer seems to be Just Jack from W&G).

And omg what is happening on castaway they are bullying my Jon.

Jonathan spends the next few hours watching Hassan as he struggles down the hill to Banishment Beach, passing commentary on his every move.

Hassan pushes doggedly through, spitting down at Jonathan, who has been sitting on the beach waiting.

"It has to go down as a classic moment in my life," Jonathan says.

That made me laugh. But all the camp have turned against him except young Al and maybe Joe Chicken. Ken went absolutely mental.

Over on American idol Sanjaya was ace this week I couldn't stop smiling and sniggering, it was nice to see him actually be good again. I like this

Democratic presidential hopeful Hillary Rodham Clinton was asked during a WOKQ-FM radio call-in what could be done about American Idol finalist Sanjaya Malakar.

How do you solve a problem like Sanjaya? I'd like that programme.

not the Apprentice

Deadline, tis not the Apprentice but is still good value. It has the same attraction as the Apprentice, ie you get to hate every single contestant every single week, they are all vile. Aaargh when they say "eek I can't pap people, I hate paps" yeah like who knew you'd be expected to pap slebs? How bizarre that working on a sleb magazine run by annoying hair-don't 'king of the paps' and a Daily Star hack would be more Heat than Newsnight. JSP is very scary, her face has been moulded out of plastic. And a big Hurrah for ITV Play, since the phone in scandal it has turned into ITV2+1 so you don't have to miss any Deadline while watching You're Fired on a Wed.

My not-gay son is now a big fan of the weekly Andrew LW advertorial that is Joseph. I am scared that we might have to go and see the flippin' show (on which I am word perfect, we did a performance of it at school).

The Apprentice of course rocks. Hurrah for Rory getting fired last week, I always particularly enjoy the posh ones getting shafted. Ifti had to go, too. I am liking Tre in a panto-villain way (and he does seem to do some work and get stuff done). I hope The Boring One doesn't win this year, whoever that may be (see "Saira was robbed by Tim" and "The Badger was robbed by Michelle"). So far Jadine is being shown as this year's "feisty woman who will get slagged off for being a pushy ball busting bitch" but tis early days yet.

The new presenter of the X Factor

And allegedly still carrying on with BBLB.

Deadline

'Celebs' running a newspaper. Janet Street-Porter as the editor. Thank you ITV2. Rumoured 'celebs' Charles Kennedy, Meg Mathews, Chris Parker and Gemma Atkinson. Ick get off my reality tv Gemma Atkinson.

One of 58,000/2.1 million

Castaway moved as audience falls.

The BBC is moving reality show Castaway from its Sunday night slot after ratings dropped to just 2.1 million.

The hour-long programme has been going out weekly at 2100, but will now get three half-hour slots at 1900 on Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday nights.

I don't mind the BBC1 show being broken up in to 3 in fact that's a good thing, but I don't want to lose the other two days shows if the BBC3 shows are scrapped altogether.

I'm really enjoying it, it is true I have a high threshold for people doing nothing as I watch a lot of reality tv but it's good if you watch it, especially the BBC3 shows which has 58,000 viewers apparently. I have no idea if that's bad, I mean, it's BBC3 home to all the quality 'ooh I'm too fat/ooh I'm too thin' shows. Castaway is a million times better than 'help my dog is as fat as me' and that's a fact!

I'm glad that Jason was voted off, I don't want anyone else to go though as it's meant to be castaway and not BB. Also Jonathan is reality tv gold.

Here we go...

A London Olympics hopeful, a bankrupt entrepreneur and a quantum physicist are among the fresh batch of contestants vying for a job with tycoon Sir Alan Sugar.

From this is London.

Predictably I'm quite interested in

Natalie Wood, 29, who recently lost six stone on a WeightWatchers diet.

Also I'm amused she's called Natalie Wood.

SirAlan is still moaning on about people not being on the apprentice to become tv stars... umm it's a tv programme and now it's on BBC1 there will be even more tabloid interest plus the last one you chose you sacked or something. It's quite a lot about becoming famous-ish now I'd say.

10 days to go

WEDNESDAY 28 MARCH
Documentary
New series
The Apprentice
9:00pm - 10:00pm
BBC1

Woo and a hoo.

In other busy reality tv news

Monika didn't win project catwalk BOO we shall miss you Monika Patrycja Rene.

Tara won celeb FA WOO.

Some sports bloke won DOI I have no opinion.

I am muchly liking castaway I may be the only viewer.

top telly tonight

7.00 pm Sleb FA - go Ray! (edit: I missed last night's and didn't know Ray had gone bah). Ick Colin ick ick you can tell he thinks he's god's gift to women but Colin there's probably a reason you do most of your work on radio ...

8.00 pm Masterchef Final - go Hannah!

9.00 pm Sleb Apprentice whoo hoo go Jo!

10.00 pm Project Catwalk final - go Monika (no linkage so I don't accidentally see the result as it's been on Sky 1 already)

Me and my knitting needles will be glued to our telly box

Poor Kate

From the beeb.

Music mogul Louis Walsh will no longer act as a judge in the next series of The X Factor, ITV has announced.

The Irishman will continue to manage acts off-screen, while two new judges will join regulars Simon Cowell and Sharon Osbourne.

The show's host Kate Thornton is also being replaced and is moving on to present new programmes with ITV. A new category will be introduced to the show's revamped format, while the age limit will also be lowered.

I'd be happier if Ben Shepard was leaving the ITV2 show. I don't really get the Kate hate, it's not like she's Davina or someone bad like that. I hope the new person won't be Cat or Fern.

A big urgh at the age limit being lowered. Hideous fourteen year olds? No ta.

He looks different

From The Mirror.

ITV was last night bracing itself for a huge slump in income as all its money-spinning phone-ins were axed after a string of voting blunders and quiz show cons.

Today's editions of This Morning and Loose Women will have no telephone competitions and the screening of Saturday's semi-final of Dancing on Ice was plunged into doubt as bosses pulled the plug on polling lines.

I'm looking forward to DOI being decided by a raise of hands.

Tara 'health fears'

According to the S*n, TPT's sweaty mad-eyed apperance on Saturday night 'sparked health fears'. Often 'sparked health fears' is journo speak for 'was off her t*ts' but obv not in the case of Ms P-T, it was all due to her dress falling off in rehearsals.

I want to press red

It's all a bit vague. Do they not go into the house until Wednesday? I keep checking my red button just in case they've snuck them in and turned on the live stuff in secret.

Yay Emily still in DOI I know she's not that good but all those Richmond Hill viewers have phones. Also her partner is lovely. The lovely Daniel. Lovely. Duncan and Clare are quite evil.

I've seen two episodes of beauty and the geek and I am hooked. I was watching Shipwrecked's little brother (hutcam diaries) and it just came on. Oh dear. I'm in love with Josh. Oh dear. I'm quite astounded at the Wes makeover.

Rowland Rivgone

Son and I are happily hooked on Celeb FA. We share some opinions (eg Miranda & Mel good, Tim & Shaun bad) but diverge on others. Colin Murray absolutely massacred Teenage Kicks but son liked it; so did Richard Parks (the fact he is a regular guest on Colin's R5Live show - the actually very good Fighting Talk - is pure co-incidence). But Parks not all bad, he had a go at Kielty which is always a good thing. Ray Stubbs was surprisingly good and my fave of the night, but son's fave was Tricia who was good too. Couldn't tell if that was terror or an Optrex overdose in TPT's eyes. I do normally like Rowland (and hello to the person who came here by googling for Rowland Rivron naked) but comedy boobs are not quite as hilarious as he thinks. He was better on the sing-off without the props, but in the end he went and Miranda & Angelica stayed. Boo cos I'd've liked him to stay in and Angelica was just bland (tho son liked her) but at least Miranda stayed.


In other news: a new series of Castaway starts on Friday. OMG. I loved Castaway 1, so looking forward to it.