I'm a Survivor get me out of here (and into another camp)

IAC morphs into Sleb Survivor as the slebs are split into two camps tonight; the camps will compete against each other for food and immunity from eviction.

a woman after our own heart

Kathryn Flett, The Observer's tv reviewer, she loves the jungle too.

Perhaps it's the cheque, but the more you think about it the more seductive it all sounds ... Australia in November, a few days in the Versace Hotel, a chance to get back on the telly without having to wear spangly shoulder pads ... whatever. So off you go to take your place alongside the freaks and the has-beens, the sweethearts and the wannabes. And within two or three days of reappearing on our screens, what happens? The entire nation loathes you!

Hats off to Jan - that takes some doing.
....
what with Jason Donovan and (the charming, likeable, modest, hopelessly insecure) David Gest as new best friends, numerous sightings of Myleene Klass in a bikini (allegedly of interest to some) and Thursday night's semi-heroic (we take our 'heroes' where we find them these days) entrance of Dean Gaffney into the jungle, after surviving the most vile bushtucker trial yet devised, this is shaping up to be the finest I'm a Celebrity ... yet. Isn't telly great!

headline of the week

well done Sunday Mail subs with I'M A CELEB GET IT OUT OF REAR

CELEB star Jason Donovan suffered a jungle trial of his own yesterday - when a cockroach crawled up his bum.

Doctors rushed into camp with tweezers to help the ex-Neighbours actor after he failed to dislodge the bug.

All the news!

First, Kelly's out

Kelly Osbourne is to be axed from ITV2's I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! spin-off show.

The 22-year-old has apparently failed to impress producers with her diva-like demands on set and "wooden" on-screen performance.

The news comes just days after comic Brendan Burns was ditched by bosses.

I read (didn't see it last night) Jeff Brazier is the new emergency itv2 co presenter in Oz. Is that it? Jeff Brazier on his own now? I'm loving all this swapping presenters itv2 malarky it's more entertaining than any of the show.

Bottom two traumas

FFS Eton Road and Robert in the bottom two on the X Factor what a bizarro world it is with the Maccy D's and Ray having people actually spend money to vote for them to stay in. I'm glad Eton Road got to stay but poor Robert. I'm still hoping for an actual Eton Road career outside of the X Factor. Anthony is in the notw in a story which explains the extreme thinness of the auditions and bootcamp stages.

Darren Bennett (and Emma) in the bottom two on SCD I think the voters must be sick of some of the judges Spice worship. Schmeichel (and Erin) out, I liked the shot of his son last week in pain at his Dad's dancing.

In IACGMOOH news Jan is in a tabloid wife swap shocker!!!!!!!! Ahem. In the sunday mirror.

Celebrity star Jan Leeming ditched her husband to wed a Red Arrows flying ace in a real-life wife-swap.

In a bizarre twist, the husband she walked out on then married the RAF pilot’s wife.

In an exclusive interview, he said: “I wasn’t exactly a happy bunny.

That's not bizarre. I repeat, people voting for the Macs and Ray in X Factor is bizarre...

I do watch some rubbish genius shows

Including watching Steve Strange breaking the world record for the number of heads shaved in an hour. I may have watched most of the hour as well...

I'm so annoyed at channel 4 moving Unanimous without informing me. Grrrrrrr. I ended up recording an hour of The Simpsons instead. Hmph!

Never mind Eton Rd are doing Scissor Sisters tonight. Woo hoo! I'm easily pleased.

I hope the rumours of Paula Hamilton (ex model and Britain's Next Top Model bitch judge) on IACGMOOH are true. They probably aren't but I can hope. When is this second camp happening anyway?

you are live on teevee, please do not sing

Poor Jan must've failed to make the short list for "the two of us" and "sleb fame academy". No wonder with her voice but she doesn't need to inflict it on us from the jungle. and Bad David for encouraging her.

Highlights of the past 24 hours

Obviously Dean Gaffney but also

Tandy Andy Anderson's annoyed face when Marianne went out of MMAS.

Luke whooping when Marianne went out of MMAS (yes you're glad to be still there but you could look a bit sad at your 'girlfriend' going.

Tandy Andy Anderson's glee when Jen went out.

Lee Stafford's reaction on Celebrity Scissorhands when Michele Gayle said she and Steve Strange used to date...

Lee Stafford on CS claiming he was no way gay by saying he didn't understand how a man could prefer a woman... !!!!

Steve Strange on CS cutting a woman's hair by about 3 feet more than she wanted.

The beauty 'guru' woman on CS vomiting after seeing some poor woman's feet then drama queening and insisting she couldn't carry on.

I'm going to miss Steve Strange on my telly.

And my fave thing of the past day

Mark Durden Smith returning to IACGMOOH on itv2 'WTF?!' Was my reaction then cheering and whooping.

HOST Brendan Burns has been dumped by bosses who feared his behind-the-scenes ITV2 show was struggling.

Former presenter Mark Durden-Smith has been called back to save the day. An insider said: "Bosses begged Mark to come back. Everyone's wishing they'd never got rid of him."

I was glad the itv2 show was changing as last year it was a bit rubbish (but then Durdo was away waiting for his twins to be born) but getting rid of Durdo seemed wrong and I am v glad he's back.

Now we just need Kelly Osbourne to leave.

let's twist again

Dean Gaffney. Best bushtucker trial ever (best I've watched this series anyways). Twist it Dean twist it! Him joining the cast is a very promising development.

Over on 5, what a travesty was the finale of MMAS. Albert my @arse. How could the only man who was not plug ugly (ie Luke) get defeated by Mr Pretty Vacant? And I know Jude disagrees with me but for Jen to come above Marianne and Sunnait also a travesty. I did like how when all the beaten ones came back for a line up, hardly any of them could raise more than a bitter scowl. Except Waz was jumping about and whooping it up like a BigBrother contestant. Twunt. Also his top was very very bad.

MMAS Scheduling Alert

OMG I nearly missed the finale of MMAS! Haven't watched for a few days and assumed the finale was on Friday but no, tis tonight. Make a note, boys and girls, tonight at 8.30 on 5. Be there (or be watching IAC. Or be at pilates. What-evva).

that's not a snake David

I agree with Jude. Who'd have thought the entertainment last night would be David Gest? Crikey this has a twang of Ron Jeremy in The Farm.
He's just so funny. He doesn't even have to try. How about the line "I used to go to Michael Jackson's House all the time and play with all the various snakes"
Hmmm
The gay designer Scott is going to be one to watch. Yesterday his "every man for himself" attitude at wanting to leave David and that Phina creature (who is she?) in the water was brilliant.
I can't wait for him to do a trial. They won't eat a thing that night.
I'm not liking Faith or Phina the rest can stay.

David to win! Maybe...

Who'd of thought David Gest would be the normal one? Or is that just me? I don't quite understand 'She's got her head in her vagina' (or some variation of that) but it was an interesting first programme quote!

Other good DG things include calling Lauren Booth 'Cherie' at all times. I like Lauren Booth being saved from a spider by Myleene Klass but that hasn't happened yet on the main bit as I have a time travel machine it was on the teatime extra programme.

The new ITV2 show is quite rubbish. But it had some people from Big Brother's Big Mouth on it which was amusing. Don't just rip off another programme, steal the people off it as well!

ready, steady, jungle

All systems go at 9pm tonight for the latest IACGMOOH. I would normally celebrate with cava & nuts but having discovered I'm heavier than Mrs Gest, I will be sticking to green tea and snackajacks.

How very dare they

Call Brendan a Z lister.

HAS Abi Tit - muss lost her mind? The nurse-turned-wannabe actress pulled out of I'm A Celebrity days before she was due to jet to Australia...after becoming besotted with Come Dancing star Brendan Cole.

I wished she was on IACGMOOH I'm not loving the list that are on and I don't expect David Gest to last very long... I'm not sure I want to see him anyway. I don't like Matt Willis either and I will not change my mind (I might).

On to the weekend...

The wrong Ray went out of reality tv land. Ray SCD not Ray XF. Nikitti's out of X Factor even though people had a chance to kick out annoying Ray. Idiots. I don't believe for a second Simon Cowell was ever going to kick out Ray. The SCD Ray going I blame entirely on reports he is dating Elle McPherson, I'm not voting for someone who's dating a supermodel. Ok I'm not voting at all but especially not for that.

Jen is still in make me a supermodel HA HA HA.

The High Court Judge's Guide to the new IACGMOOH cast

from left to right¹

Matt Willis
was in popular beat combo Busted, now 'pursuing a solo career' hem hem. Proved his sleb credentials by going to the Priory (then left two weeks later after deciding he didn't really have a drink problem after all). Official website borken but he is so down with the kids his record company have made a myspace page for him

Phina Oruche
actress off “Footballers' Wives”, Wikipedia doesn't know about her. Very bonny lass but probably wants to lay off the lipgloss a bit in the jungle.





David Gest
“yeaaah, David”, this year's Jackie
Was married to Liza Minelli, had the worst plastic surgeon ever. TV bods worried his face might melt in da jungle.





Lauren Booth
daughter of randy scouse git, half sister of Cherie, journo & pro-celebrity smoker. This year's Carol Thatcher








Toby Anstis
aka “the Tobester” (ick) - kids' TV presenter & radio dj & dance sensation








Faith Brown
Actress & comedienne, used to appear in tv variety shows before they were abolished, once had her own chat show.













Scott Henshall
fashion designer who not even Wikipedia has heard of, designed the most expensive dress in the world











Myleene Klass
was in Popstars band Hear'say, then reinvented herself as a classical babe. Does the Classic FM breakfast show on Sunday, so the classic fm crew will be biggin her up in da jungle innit. Gets my vote if she plays some nice Chopin nocturnes on the jungle piano.





Jason Donovan
OK everyone knows who he is – Scott in Neighbours, sang “Too many broken hearts”, not a gay, Joseph.















Jan Leeming
BBC newsreader, another one you should've heard of, this year's Jenny Bond


















1. I may have got Matt & Toby the wrong way round but I'm sure Jude will be along to get things right, she have her finger on da pulse and I don't

He's bringing SexyBack to the jungle

After his dancing on the all star talent show to SexyBack quite possibly my favourite thing for many months (well on channel 5 anyway) I may have to support Toby Anstis on IACGMOOH. I hope for much dancing in the jungle.

line up announced

high court judge's guide to follow ...

I'm a sleb contestant rumours part 1

Contestants rumoured to be ...

• David Guest tho 'TV bosses' are worried about his face melting, same report has Jason "not a gay" Donovan blimey, Myleene Klass & Louise Rednapp.
• Malcom Maclaren to be latest old punk to sell out, but he's 'outraged' Myleen might be getting paid more than him
• Abi Titmus "has even pledged to strip off to spice up the show" yawn
• "A trio of ex-boyband members are battling it out for a place"
• Cherie Blair's sister, Chris "Brian Tildsley" Quenten and Paula Wilson, with this year's game old bird to be Jan Leeming.

And in presenter news, Kelly is the new Tara maybe

Over to "Make me a supermodel" .... let's not get things mixed up. Jan should go cos she's a manipulative little stirrer not because she's 'fat' shock horror a size 12 omg that's so vile etc bah.

Monday

I'm a celeb deffo on Monday it's in the radio times and everything so it must be true.

Celebrity Scissorhands live streaming still good. H from Steps was being mean to Michelle from the Apprentice which is good as she was being a bossy cow to Steve Strange. I think H from Steps was only joking though. Shame.

I think Celebrity Scissorhands works best recorded and cutting out the Alex Zane bits.

Dear BBC

Well done on the swearing on the Celebrity Scissorhands live daytime feed it's just like having Big Brother back. So far today Rowetta has given a woman a mans haircut, some naked bloke had his haircut and an annoying Scouse man was complaining about his. The first show with Alex Zane was pretty rubbish but I like the live streaming (press red and all that and it's on the net I think).

Elsewhere in busy busy reality land

Jen survived in the increasingly annoying Make Me A Supermodel. ARGH that Waz I swear he is worse than Sezer.

Ashley went out of the X Factor (the curse of Rosie Ribbons and winner takes it all).

Anton (and Jan) went from Strictly Come Dancing. Poor Anton.

I'm a celebrity ALERT

The teaser ads are on ITV1.

It may start Monday 13th November.

TPT and Mark Duerden Smith/that bloke who was on it last year have been dropped in favour of what sounds like a Big Brother's Big Mouth type show on ITV2. Actually as much as I love MDS and TPT the ITV2 show was due an axe last year let alone this one.

I hope Jasmine 'Nightmare' Lennard and Rachel 'Munter' Hunter (Jasmine's words not mine) are both on I think they have both been rumoured.